The Racist Keebler Elf is going back to his hollow tree

[FORD]

Nov. 7, 2018 / 11:49 AM PST
By Allan Smith
nbcnews.com

Attorney General Jeff Sessions resigned Wednesday at President Donald Trump's request.

The announcement came the day after the midterm elections. He submitted his letter of resignation earlier Wednesday.

Trump announced the resignation on Twitter. The president has repeatedly criticized Sessions, particularly for recusing himself from the Russia investigation.

[Kristy]

[Nitro Express]

So the KKK resigned before Trump fired him. I wonder what kind of dirty they had on the elf. We know about his racist past but what else? He always seems like a child molester to me.

[Sgt Schultz]

Nov. 7, 2018 / 11:49 AM PST
make way for new Fabulous Attorney General, Miss Lindsey Graham.....

[FORD]

Inconsolable Jeff Sessions Tries To Commit Suicide By Smoking Joint




The Onion

WASHINGTON—Following months of bruising criticism from Democrats and President Trump alike, an inconsolable Jeff Sessions was reportedly trying to commit suicide Thursday by smoking a joint. “I swore I’d never take the coward’s way out, but what choice do I have?” said a teary-eyed Sessions, carefully laying a sealed envelope containing his farewell note on a tool bench in his garage as he raised a lighter to the marijuana cigarette with trembling hands. “This is it. I’ve taken four puffs to make sure there’s no chance of survival. It should only be a matter of minutes now. Oh, what a wretched, ignominious ending. Goodbye, cruel world, I’m sorry I’ve failed you so.” At press time, Sessions reportedly realized he had died after being overcome by a euphoric, floating feeling.