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The Anti-Hockey thread
OK I'm gonna enumerate everything that I and most of US sports fans think is stupid about hockey, why most of this country couldn't give two shits about it, and why it won't be around in 2004-2005.
1. Constant ties and a stupid scoring system. In my opinion there is no point to even playing if it'll end in a tie. I generally fall asleep to the local sports radio station, and they were doing a Flyers game and it ended 0-0. And the announcers were like, "Wow this game had everything." Yeah well how about a goal. Didn't have that. Isn't that the point, the team with the most goals wins. They just don't get it, do they? The very very small hard-core hockey fanbase will say, "Yeah but there was great checking, great fights, great defense, great goaltending, a lot of thrilling chances." Well no one who's not an absolute die hard could give two shits about that. The hockey fanatics are just totally missing the boat. Fans want to see scoring and a winner and loser. BTW don't even make an argument "well there's ties in the NFL" as that happens maybe once every 5 years.
Now I know they tried to fix the tie situation, so in true NHL fashion they made it worse with end of the season records like 35-24-15-8. And that's 93 points which should make you good for the playoffs, never mind you couldn't even win half your games. In fact you can theoretically lose EVERY game and have the equivalent of a .500 record because of the stupid points system. An overtime loss is now a "good loss." How dumb is that. And why points? They don't have calculators to figure out winning percentages and go by that? This brings me to my next point.
2.Cartoonish elements. Well the whole overtime system is so doctored and contrived it's laughable. Let's give each team a point so they'll be inspired to win. And let's have 4 on 4 so they'll have better scoring chances. It's just that bad they have to reinvent the wheel I guess. And then the fights are so fucking stupid. They're so gratuitous and they look like a WWF fight. And then they fucking STOP THE GAME to make way for a fight. Unlike the other sports, the refs stand and watch it too. Now why the hell would they let it go on? Because the sport SUCKS and is so damn BORING they have to have cartoonish crap to keep people from falling asleep. Now the fact they happen every game, doesn't that kind of lessen the impact of the fights? In football they'll punch each other but they don't fucking stop the game and form a circle around the players. And in the NBA there's so rarely a big time fight that when it does happen, you know it's real and not just going through the motions like some of these "enforcers" do. Then the penalties are rich. Like if you draw blood, it's a double minor, but if you don't draw blood, it's only a minor. So knocking a guy unconscious won't cost you too much if you don't draw blood, but a little cut to the forehead or cheek will cost you!
3.If you're from the US, you probably can't identify with the game or its players. It's not part of US life. You don't grow up with exceedingly long winters and ponds, you grow up with baseball fields and basketball courts. Your friends aren't all doing it. It's more than just a sport in Canada, it's a mentality and a way of life. Well that just isn't happening here unless you live really close to the Canadian border.
As far as the players, it's really tough to get into it when they're mostly Canadian, Eastern European, and Russian. Again I can't identify with that. I'm not really connecting with Simon Gagne and life in Quebec. Or Michal Handzus and life in the Czech Republic.
4.There is no one player right now you really want to see. Wayne Gretzky and Mario Lemieux were assets to the sport. Well Gretzky is retired and Lemieux ought to be. What draw is there? Who the hell comes in town where you're like, "Yeah I gotta see that guy." Hockey draws in no casual fans like the other three sports can. I was discussing this with an avid hockey fan and I said, "Who on the Flyers for example is a draw?" and he replied "Simon Gagne." So I said, "You honestly think people in other cities are saying, 'Oh man Simon Gagne's coming into down, boy he's exciting, I want to see that.'" Yeah, right. I don't know who the best player in hockey is right now. I think if there really were someone unbelieveable, dominating the sport out there I'd have bumped into it by now.
5.Tickets are inaccessible to people who don't make 6 figures. And it's profoundly unwatchable on TV too. At least in Philadelphia you're really not welcomed to a Flyers game unless you're rich or "important." Prices I think are more out of control with hockey than any other sport. Now they are expensive with the Phillies, Sixers, and Eagles, but when I go to those games there's a more down-to-earth feeling there. The atmosphere and attitude is just different. There's a place for people who just want to watch a game. Not hockey, where virtually everyone in the building is a businessman, looking to entertain clients. That's what they advertise on TV here--luxury boxes and the Lexus Club. The Flyers NEVER target the normal guy who might want to check out the game. Football isn't a good comparison because it's 8 games and all season-ticket holders for years and years. But the Phillies and Sixers target the average guy and just make you feel good about coming down to a game.
So my alternative is TV where you really can't see a lot of stuff relevant to the plays. The other three sports you can feel the excitement through the TV, but not this one because you just can't see it all. Unwatchable.
Conclusion
So that's why very few people in the US care about the NHL. In fact I have one last theory here. I think most of that US minority that watches it doesn't even really like the sport. I think they just kind of tell themselves they like it. Because I think the main draw for most of that small group is that all the players are white. Yes, admit it, you like a little refuge where everyone's still white. I think it goes hand in hand with the high prices and the whole businessman atmosphere. The whiteness is what prevents people from admitting that they just don't really like the sport. The NHL better pray that black people remain uninterested in the sport because the whiteness of the sport is their bread and butter in the US. And that's just sad.
1. Constant ties and a stupid scoring system. In my opinion there is no point to even playing if it'll end in a tie. I generally fall asleep to the local sports radio station, and they were doing a Flyers game and it ended 0-0. And the announcers were like, "Wow this game had everything." Yeah well how about a goal. Didn't have that. Isn't that the point, the team with the most goals wins. They just don't get it, do they? The very very small hard-core hockey fanbase will say, "Yeah but there was great checking, great fights, great defense, great goaltending, a lot of thrilling chances." Well no one who's not an absolute die hard could give two shits about that. The hockey fanatics are just totally missing the boat. Fans want to see scoring and a winner and loser. BTW don't even make an argument "well there's ties in the NFL" as that happens maybe once every 5 years.
Now I know they tried to fix the tie situation, so in true NHL fashion they made it worse with end of the season records like 35-24-15-8. And that's 93 points which should make you good for the playoffs, never mind you couldn't even win half your games. In fact you can theoretically lose EVERY game and have the equivalent of a .500 record because of the stupid points system. An overtime loss is now a "good loss." How dumb is that. And why points? They don't have calculators to figure out winning percentages and go by that? This brings me to my next point.
2.Cartoonish elements. Well the whole overtime system is so doctored and contrived it's laughable. Let's give each team a point so they'll be inspired to win. And let's have 4 on 4 so they'll have better scoring chances. It's just that bad they have to reinvent the wheel I guess. And then the fights are so fucking stupid. They're so gratuitous and they look like a WWF fight. And then they fucking STOP THE GAME to make way for a fight. Unlike the other sports, the refs stand and watch it too. Now why the hell would they let it go on? Because the sport SUCKS and is so damn BORING they have to have cartoonish crap to keep people from falling asleep. Now the fact they happen every game, doesn't that kind of lessen the impact of the fights? In football they'll punch each other but they don't fucking stop the game and form a circle around the players. And in the NBA there's so rarely a big time fight that when it does happen, you know it's real and not just going through the motions like some of these "enforcers" do. Then the penalties are rich. Like if you draw blood, it's a double minor, but if you don't draw blood, it's only a minor. So knocking a guy unconscious won't cost you too much if you don't draw blood, but a little cut to the forehead or cheek will cost you!
3.If you're from the US, you probably can't identify with the game or its players. It's not part of US life. You don't grow up with exceedingly long winters and ponds, you grow up with baseball fields and basketball courts. Your friends aren't all doing it. It's more than just a sport in Canada, it's a mentality and a way of life. Well that just isn't happening here unless you live really close to the Canadian border.
As far as the players, it's really tough to get into it when they're mostly Canadian, Eastern European, and Russian. Again I can't identify with that. I'm not really connecting with Simon Gagne and life in Quebec. Or Michal Handzus and life in the Czech Republic.
4.There is no one player right now you really want to see. Wayne Gretzky and Mario Lemieux were assets to the sport. Well Gretzky is retired and Lemieux ought to be. What draw is there? Who the hell comes in town where you're like, "Yeah I gotta see that guy." Hockey draws in no casual fans like the other three sports can. I was discussing this with an avid hockey fan and I said, "Who on the Flyers for example is a draw?" and he replied "Simon Gagne." So I said, "You honestly think people in other cities are saying, 'Oh man Simon Gagne's coming into down, boy he's exciting, I want to see that.'" Yeah, right. I don't know who the best player in hockey is right now. I think if there really were someone unbelieveable, dominating the sport out there I'd have bumped into it by now.
5.Tickets are inaccessible to people who don't make 6 figures. And it's profoundly unwatchable on TV too. At least in Philadelphia you're really not welcomed to a Flyers game unless you're rich or "important." Prices I think are more out of control with hockey than any other sport. Now they are expensive with the Phillies, Sixers, and Eagles, but when I go to those games there's a more down-to-earth feeling there. The atmosphere and attitude is just different. There's a place for people who just want to watch a game. Not hockey, where virtually everyone in the building is a businessman, looking to entertain clients. That's what they advertise on TV here--luxury boxes and the Lexus Club. The Flyers NEVER target the normal guy who might want to check out the game. Football isn't a good comparison because it's 8 games and all season-ticket holders for years and years. But the Phillies and Sixers target the average guy and just make you feel good about coming down to a game.
So my alternative is TV where you really can't see a lot of stuff relevant to the plays. The other three sports you can feel the excitement through the TV, but not this one because you just can't see it all. Unwatchable.
Conclusion
So that's why very few people in the US care about the NHL. In fact I have one last theory here. I think most of that US minority that watches it doesn't even really like the sport. I think they just kind of tell themselves they like it. Because I think the main draw for most of that small group is that all the players are white. Yes, admit it, you like a little refuge where everyone's still white. I think it goes hand in hand with the high prices and the whole businessman atmosphere. The whiteness is what prevents people from admitting that they just don't really like the sport. The NHL better pray that black people remain uninterested in the sport because the whiteness of the sport is their bread and butter in the US. And that's just sad.
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