View Full Version : 'twas The Night Before The Tour
HELLVIS
07-09-2004, 12:36 AM
'TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE THE TOUR AND ALL THROUGH ED'S HOUSE
THE VAN HALEN FAMILY WAS DRUNK AS A LOUSE
THEY HOPED THEY'D RECAPTURE THE MAGIC THEY HAD
BUT WITHOUT DIAMOND DAVID, THEIR CHANCES WERE BAD.
WHEN OUT ON THE LAWN THERE AROSE SUCH A CLATTER
EDDIE PUT DOWN HIS 40 TO SEE WHAT WAS THE MATTER
HE STUMBLED TO THE WINDOW AND FELL IN A HEAP
AND CHUCKLED AS HE PICTURED A CROWD FULL OF SHEEP!
AND WHAT TO HIS BLOOD SHOT EYES SHOULD APPEAR
BUT A BROKEN DOWN WHEELCHAIR BEING PUSHED BY SOME QUEERS.
AND SITTING THERE IN IT WAS A FAT FUCKING HAM
DRESSED IN A RED MOO MOO, THAT BASTARD WAS SAM!
HE SCREECHED TO HIS BOY TOYS, "NOW THAT I'VE ARRIVED,
LET'S ALL 69 WHILE I DRIVE 55.
ON EDDIE... ON ALEX... ON MIKE'S JELLY BELLY
IF I WERE BLACK WITH A CAMERA I COULD BE LIKE R. KELLY!
THEY SUCKED AND THEY SUCKED AND THEY DRAINED ALL THEIR DONGS
HEY! WAIT A MINUTE! THAT SOUNDS JUST LIKE THEIR SONGS.
AND WITH THAT REALIZATION, THEY GOT STRAIGHT TO WORK
SELLING TICKETS TO DUMB-ASSES, EUNUCHS, AND JERKS.
THE ATOMIC PUNK ISN'T UNCHAINED ON THIS TOUR
SELLING TEQUILA AND RAPING SHEEP'S WHAT IT'S FOR
THEY WERE HEARD TO EXCLAIM AS THEY SUCKED THOUGH THE NIGHT,
HOPE YOUR WALLETS ARE LOOSE AND YOUR ASSES ARE TIGHT!
:D :donkey: :donkey:
"It ended with a surge of emotion after he brought out his 13-year-old son, Wolfgang, to jam with him. It was the first time that his son -- whose name is one of the tattoos on Eddie's shoulders -- had performed for a sold-out arena crowd, but judging from the boy's almost casual brilliance, it won't be his last. Father and son ended the moment by lying on their backs playing their guitars, then Eddie proudly kissed Wolfgang twice while the crowd went wild."
~One of the Boston newspapers commenting on one of the Worcester shows.
That was unbelievable. I'm speechless. I write lyrics for my band, but this dude has the gift. Not only was that perfectly written, but that was hilarious. Just the right amount of humor and VH insults.
Man, it's good to be a member of the Army.
OK, Giving this one a sticky for 24 hours cos it is kind of funny and just to keep Lou happy for a day. LOL.
Warham
07-09-2004, 06:47 AM
LMFAO!
That was fucking great.
You have a gift my son. Use it.
TwoFoolsAMinute
07-09-2004, 12:09 PM
Beauty!!
moose
07-09-2004, 01:09 PM
Great! I'm still ROTFLMMFAO.
ELVIS
07-10-2004, 02:45 AM
Sheep's ??
LMFFEAO !!
Good stuff!
:elvis:
Panamark
07-10-2004, 06:18 AM
Yet another example of one of our members being able to create far more creative lyrical content than Spammy.
ELVIS, is HELVIS your evil clone or something ? :)
bru87tr
07-10-2004, 08:39 AM
thats fucking genius!!!!!!!
very nice poetry.
my applause to you!!!!
HELLVIS
07-10-2004, 01:56 PM
[QUOTE]Originally posted by ELVIS
[B]Sheep's ??
TO KEEP THE FLOW INTACT I FELT IT NECESSARY TO INVENT A NEW CONTRACTION FOR " SHEEP IS ", HENCE SHEEP'S.
AT LEAST TO MY KNOWLEDGE IT HASN'T BEEN USED BEFORE.
HELL, SOMETIMES TO MAKE AN OMLET, YOU HAVE TO ...
WELL, I'LL BE OFF NOW. GOT THINGS TO SEE AND PEOPLE TO DO!
:donkey: :donkey: :donkey: :donkey: :donkey: :donkey: :donkey:
ELVIS
07-10-2004, 02:34 PM
Hahaha!
Mezro
07-10-2004, 04:59 PM
I just laughed, sneezed and farted at the same time. Great job man.
Mezro...with a half limp erection Ed lubed up Sam's gash, it was dank and festering with a lumpy tan rash, he gave Cheddar Man the hog and Sam took it with glee...
Cathedral
07-10-2004, 06:00 PM
You know Templemen, Landee, Ray Daniels and Val. Mikey, and Al, Hagar and Cherone.
But do you recall, the most famous hasbeen of all?
Edward, the washed up rock God
Had a very muddy tone
And if you've ever heard him
You would even say he's done
All of the other rock God's
who used to laugh and claim he sucked
don't even think about him today
Cause they know his career is fucked.
Fabulous Shadow
07-10-2004, 07:40 PM
Very crafty!
zink007
07-11-2004, 06:37 AM
wow man your like some kinda genius, wait a sec i hate them get him!
SELLING TICKETS TO DUMB-ASSES, EUNUCHS, AND JERKS.
I never thought I'd see the word "eunuch" on the Army :D That's my favorite line of the whole thing.
scottydabodi
07-11-2004, 03:38 PM
Well if that isn't the DAMNDEST Poem I've ever read... about washed-up old homos named Sam and Ed.
POJO_Risin
07-11-2004, 07:39 PM
Done with this sticky...you want this at the top...keep on posting...
classicdude
07-11-2004, 07:55 PM
Great creativity here at the army! Good job! The crowd goes wild!!
W.W.D.D.?
08-29-2004, 12:37 AM
You sick motherfucker!!!!!!!!
DLR_EngineRoom
08-30-2004, 06:43 PM
Originally posted by HELLVIS
'TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE THE TOUR AND ALL THROUGH ED'S HOUSE
THE VAN HALEN FAMILY WAS DRUNK AS A LOUSE
THEY HOPED THEY'D RECAPTURE THE MAGIC THEY HAD
BUT WITHOUT DIAMOND DAVID, THEIR CHANCES WERE BAD.
WHEN OUT ON THE LAWN THERE AROSE SUCH A CLATTER
EDDIE PUT DOWN HIS 40 TO SEE WHAT WAS THE MATTER
HE STUMBLED TO THE WINDOW AND FELL IN A HEAP
AND CHUCKLED AS HE PICTURED A CROWD FULL OF SHEEP!
AND WHAT TO HIS BLOOD SHOT EYES SHOULD APPEAR
BUT A BROKEN DOWN WHEELCHAIR BEING PUSHED BY SOME QUEERS.
AND SITTING THERE IN IT WAS A FAT FUCKING HAM
DRESSED IN A RED MOO MOO, THAT BASTARD WAS SAM!
HE SCREECHED TO HIS BOY TOYS, "NOW THAT I'VE ARRIVED,
LET'S ALL 69 WHILE I DRIVE 55.
ON EDDIE... ON ALEX... ON MIKE'S JELLY BELLY
IF I WERE BLACK WITH A CAMERA I COULD BE LIKE R. KELLY!
THEY SUCKED AND THEY SUCKED AND THEY DRAINED ALL THEIR DONGS
HEY! WAIT A MINUTE! THAT SOUNDS JUST LIKE THEIR SONGS.
AND WITH THAT REALIZATION, THEY GOT STRAIGHT TO WORK
SELLING TICKETS TO DUMB-ASSES, EUNUCHS, AND JERKS.
THE ATOMIC PUNK ISN'T UNCHAINED ON THIS TOUR
SELLING TEQUILA AND RAPING SHEEP'S WHAT IT'S FOR
THEY WERE HEARD TO EXCLAIM AS THEY SUCKED THOUGH THE NIGHT,
HOPE YOUR WALLETS ARE LOOSE AND YOUR ASSES ARE TIGHT!
:D :donkey: :donkey:
LMAO!!!! Love the avatar, too!!! Dunno which one is more hilarious!
HELLVIS
08-31-2004, 11:51 PM
Originally posted by DLR_EngineRoom
LMAO!!!! Love the avatar, too!!! Dunno which one is more hilarious!
Thank you...thank you.
And to think that was my first post ever!
I'm bumping this up, now that it is Christmas time.
DLR_EngineRoom
12-14-2004, 07:09 PM
Originally posted by HELLVIS
'TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE THE TOUR AND ALL THROUGH ED'S HOUSE
THE VAN HALEN FAMILY WAS DRUNK AS A LOUSE
THEY HOPED THEY'D RECAPTURE THE MAGIC THEY HAD
BUT WITHOUT DIAMOND DAVID, THEIR CHANCES WERE BAD.
WHEN OUT ON THE LAWN THERE AROSE SUCH A CLATTER
EDDIE PUT DOWN HIS 40 TO SEE WHAT WAS THE MATTER
HE STUMBLED TO THE WINDOW AND FELL IN A HEAP
AND CHUCKLED AS HE PICTURED A CROWD FULL OF SHEEP!
AND WHAT TO HIS BLOOD SHOT EYES SHOULD APPEAR
BUT A BROKEN DOWN WHEELCHAIR BEING PUSHED BY SOME QUEERS.
AND SITTING THERE IN IT WAS A FAT FUCKING HAM
DRESSED IN A RED MOO MOO, THAT BASTARD WAS SAM!
HE SCREECHED TO HIS BOY TOYS, "NOW THAT I'VE ARRIVED,
LET'S ALL 69 WHILE I DRIVE 55.
ON EDDIE... ON ALEX... ON MIKE'S JELLY BELLY
IF I WERE BLACK WITH A CAMERA I COULD BE LIKE R. KELLY!
THEY SUCKED AND THEY SUCKED AND THEY DRAINED ALL THEIR DONGS
HEY! WAIT A MINUTE! THAT SOUNDS JUST LIKE THEIR SONGS.
AND WITH THAT REALIZATION, THEY GOT STRAIGHT TO WORK
SELLING TICKETS TO DUMB-ASSES, EUNUCHS, AND JERKS.
THE ATOMIC PUNK ISN'T UNCHAINED ON THIS TOUR
SELLING TEQUILA AND RAPING SHEEP'S WHAT IT'S FOR
THEY WERE HEARD TO EXCLAIM AS THEY SUCKED THOUGH THE NIGHT,
HOPE YOUR WALLETS ARE LOOSE AND YOUR ASSES ARE TIGHT!
:D :donkey: :donkey:
simply classic.....gotta love it! GR8 job!!!
Last_Child
12-18-2004, 06:03 AM
Awesome! Great job man!
loss of fools
12-18-2004, 03:32 PM
classic. 5 stars for you my good man.
Bad Muthafucker
12-20-2004, 10:55 AM
totally awesome poem!
DavidLeeNatra
12-20-2004, 11:16 AM
Originally posted by loss of fools
classic. 5 stars for you my good man.
another big 5 from me...
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