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Required Reading: Here is the thing...
That's right motherfuckers, In a nutshell for your naked steaming eyes.
Reprinted with permission of the author:
You see...here is the thing...
8 years ago...Van Halen was ripe to take on the world...
Roth willing to rejoin...Ed appeared to be swallowing his ignorance...
and two new songs and MTV come forth...
But Ed realizes that HE may not be THE GUY with Roth...
and in one second...Roth is gone...
and Ed chooses a guy from a band that...irregardless of what previous albums they had...is known for a fucking ballad.
beautiful for Ed...he can dominate. His EGO even allows him to sing on the fucking album...a song that Cherone says, "I couldn't put any words together better than Ed...so we left it as is..."
Now...if that doesn't speak to a mistake...than GEEZus H Chriminies...
so...Dave fans are pissed...Sam fans are saying, "Hmmm...maybe this Cherone deal will work out..." and Cherone fans are...well...there aren't any...
So they put out this sham of an album...12 people goto see it...8 people buy it...
and Ed says..."Oooops..."but never plays the Tuba...
then 2000...then 2002...they are...they aren't...they are...they aren't...
and through it all...Van Halen erosion is taking place...
a few fans here...a few fans there...
Dave's saying, "I never got called back..."
Ed's saying, "It's up to the lawyers..."
Sam's saying, "Never call me...unless it's just friendship..."
I'm saying...who gives a shit...tell the lawyers to fuck off...
Dave and Sam smarten up...and tour together...more than likely to piss Ed off...
and Ed realizes that they are cashing in on his buck. So Mr. originality says, "hey...I have an idea...why don't we tour with both."
Al calls Sham...because Ed's a big giant pussy...and may have been afraid that Sham was wearing a cup...or perhaps had a flab of fat hanging over his crank...so Al and Sham have dinner...
and loe and behold, Mr. "I'm not interested..." is in...
VH management calls Roth management...and pushes an idea for Dave and Sham to tour with them together...
Dave says, "Fuck you..."
More Van Halen erosion...
Now people are saying three years from now?
I say...go ahead and wait if you want to...
and for those that still back Ed in all of this...I sure as fuck wish you were my neighbor...because I'd befriend you for a couple of months...
then spend the rest of my days fucking the neighbors wife up the ass...since that's the shit that he's dealin' these days...a bend over for anyone that ever supported that dumb, rotten bastard....
Look...I don't know the guy...but I know this...he's either created such a fucking fantasy...that when he wakes up every morning...he finds himself looking for fucking Aslan in the wardrobe...
or he's just a plain old prick...
and to those that think Ed doesn't owe us anything...again...fuck you too...because I've spent the better part of 33 years following this band...and Roth...
and I've spent more than enough money to be a playah...
So to Ed...fuck you...I don't owe you shit anymore...
least of all my respect.
Don't worry though Ed...there's enough people blinded by a solo that's nearly 30 years old that will continue to by your heaps of shit...
just don't count on me bein' there...for anything...
Do yourself a favor...and find a nice "Twister..."
cuz this ain't Kansas...
Reprinted with permission of the author:
You see...here is the thing...
8 years ago...Van Halen was ripe to take on the world...
Roth willing to rejoin...Ed appeared to be swallowing his ignorance...
and two new songs and MTV come forth...
But Ed realizes that HE may not be THE GUY with Roth...
and in one second...Roth is gone...
and Ed chooses a guy from a band that...irregardless of what previous albums they had...is known for a fucking ballad.
beautiful for Ed...he can dominate. His EGO even allows him to sing on the fucking album...a song that Cherone says, "I couldn't put any words together better than Ed...so we left it as is..."
Now...if that doesn't speak to a mistake...than GEEZus H Chriminies...
so...Dave fans are pissed...Sam fans are saying, "Hmmm...maybe this Cherone deal will work out..." and Cherone fans are...well...there aren't any...
So they put out this sham of an album...12 people goto see it...8 people buy it...
and Ed says..."Oooops..."but never plays the Tuba...
then 2000...then 2002...they are...they aren't...they are...they aren't...
and through it all...Van Halen erosion is taking place...
a few fans here...a few fans there...
Dave's saying, "I never got called back..."
Ed's saying, "It's up to the lawyers..."
Sam's saying, "Never call me...unless it's just friendship..."
I'm saying...who gives a shit...tell the lawyers to fuck off...
Dave and Sam smarten up...and tour together...more than likely to piss Ed off...
and Ed realizes that they are cashing in on his buck. So Mr. originality says, "hey...I have an idea...why don't we tour with both."
Al calls Sham...because Ed's a big giant pussy...and may have been afraid that Sham was wearing a cup...or perhaps had a flab of fat hanging over his crank...so Al and Sham have dinner...
and loe and behold, Mr. "I'm not interested..." is in...
VH management calls Roth management...and pushes an idea for Dave and Sham to tour with them together...
Dave says, "Fuck you..."
More Van Halen erosion...
Now people are saying three years from now?
I say...go ahead and wait if you want to...
and for those that still back Ed in all of this...I sure as fuck wish you were my neighbor...because I'd befriend you for a couple of months...
then spend the rest of my days fucking the neighbors wife up the ass...since that's the shit that he's dealin' these days...a bend over for anyone that ever supported that dumb, rotten bastard....
Look...I don't know the guy...but I know this...he's either created such a fucking fantasy...that when he wakes up every morning...he finds himself looking for fucking Aslan in the wardrobe...
or he's just a plain old prick...
and to those that think Ed doesn't owe us anything...again...fuck you too...because I've spent the better part of 33 years following this band...and Roth...
and I've spent more than enough money to be a playah...
So to Ed...fuck you...I don't owe you shit anymore...
least of all my respect.
Don't worry though Ed...there's enough people blinded by a solo that's nearly 30 years old that will continue to by your heaps of shit...
just don't count on me bein' there...for anything...
Do yourself a favor...and find a nice "Twister..."
cuz this ain't Kansas...
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