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My friend wrote this and I thought there were some funny lines. And best part is that either side can find something to love 
2004 PRESIDENTIAL DEBATE
Moderator: Welcome one and all to the first of three 2004 Presidential Debates! Please welcome tonight's guests President George W. Bush...
George W. Bush (GWB): Hoorah! Don't mess with Texas!
Moderator: ...and Senator John Kerry.
John Kerry (JK): Greetings. Did I mention I have 3 Purple Hearts? Because I do...that's 3, not 1 or 2 in case you people at home were wondering.
Moderator: I'm sure they were. Gentlemen, let's start off with the first question, the war in Iraq. Should we pull our troops out? Why or why not? Mr. Bush, you go first.
GWB: Thanks, man. My fellow Americans...tonight I come before you in a great time of prayer and patience with dealings of patience and prayer. We're still on the lookout for Weapons of Mass Destruction© in Iraq. I know they're there because Uncle Dick Cheney told me and Daddy says he never lies! But seriously, after the poor people who died on 9/11, we owe it to ourselves to rid the world of Iraq.
Moderator: You mean the Weapons of Mass Destruction© in Iraq?
GWB: Uhhh...yeah, sure. What you said........God Bless America and uh...never forget or what not.
Moderator: I see...Senator Kerry, you're re-buttal?
GWB: Huh huh...you said butt!
JK: Thanks Moderator. You see, before I begin, I have to ask, what do the polls say about the war?
Moderator: They say a majority of Americans oppose the war.
JK: Okay then, I hate the war. Send em' home. Let's talk about my purple hearts instead and how I earned 3 of them.
Moderator: But didn't you vote in favor of a pre-emptive strike in Iraq? As well as supporting the Patriot Act?
JK: At the time it seemed like a good idea.
Moderator: A good idea?
JK: You see...I'm a man of the people. I do whatever the people want from me.
Moderator: So basically you flip flop in order to save face?
JK: Pretty much.
Moderator: Moving on to our next subject...taxes. Mr. Bush, how do you respond to claims that your tax breaks mainly benefitted the richest 1% of Americans?
GWB: Well...uhh....ya see....I....did I mention Iraq has Weapons of Mass Destruction©? Cause they do. They hate freedom ya know. What with the new-cloo-lear...I mean, new-coo-lear, I mean....big bombs and all.......God Bless America.
Moderator: Senator Kerry?
JK: Did I mention my 3 purple hearts have names? The first one is Spanky, the other is Chi-Chi and the third is Ramone. That's three of them...three purple hearts. I earned them in Vietnam, being a war hero and all. Did I mention I'm a war hero? I think I did...
Moderator: Okay this is going no where fast...let's fast forward to our next subject, religion. President Bush, you're thoughts?
GWB: Not many people know this, but God is actually an American. It's true. He also loves NASCAR and Skynrd and drinks Red Dawgs. Again, I know this is true because Uncle Dick told me so. That's why God wants to get rid of those dirty A-rabs. Cause it's true. He does. Weapons of Mass Destruction©. God Bless America and NEVER FORGET!
JK: I had a dream once that someone stole my purple hearts. I woke up and thanked God that they were still there. Does that count? Hey, anybody want some ketchup? My wife has got cases of this stuff lying around the house for some reason.
GWB: Only if it's FREEDOM LOVING W Ketchup, you Pinko Commie.
Moderator: Okay geneltmen, one last question...
JK: *cough*PURPLE*cough*HEARTS*cough*WAR*cough*HERO*co ugh*
Moderator: If you could sum your campaign in one word what would it be?
GWB: Umm...I'm not very good with words...what about...ANTI-TERRORIST?
Moderator: And you Mr. Kerry?
JK: PURPLEHEART
Moderator: That's two words...
JK: Not if you say it real fast it isn't.
Moderator: That's it...I quit my job. Good night everyone.
2004 PRESIDENTIAL DEBATE
Moderator: Welcome one and all to the first of three 2004 Presidential Debates! Please welcome tonight's guests President George W. Bush...
George W. Bush (GWB): Hoorah! Don't mess with Texas!
Moderator: ...and Senator John Kerry.
John Kerry (JK): Greetings. Did I mention I have 3 Purple Hearts? Because I do...that's 3, not 1 or 2 in case you people at home were wondering.
Moderator: I'm sure they were. Gentlemen, let's start off with the first question, the war in Iraq. Should we pull our troops out? Why or why not? Mr. Bush, you go first.
GWB: Thanks, man. My fellow Americans...tonight I come before you in a great time of prayer and patience with dealings of patience and prayer. We're still on the lookout for Weapons of Mass Destruction© in Iraq. I know they're there because Uncle Dick Cheney told me and Daddy says he never lies! But seriously, after the poor people who died on 9/11, we owe it to ourselves to rid the world of Iraq.
Moderator: You mean the Weapons of Mass Destruction© in Iraq?
GWB: Uhhh...yeah, sure. What you said........God Bless America and uh...never forget or what not.
Moderator: I see...Senator Kerry, you're re-buttal?
GWB: Huh huh...you said butt!
JK: Thanks Moderator. You see, before I begin, I have to ask, what do the polls say about the war?
Moderator: They say a majority of Americans oppose the war.
JK: Okay then, I hate the war. Send em' home. Let's talk about my purple hearts instead and how I earned 3 of them.
Moderator: But didn't you vote in favor of a pre-emptive strike in Iraq? As well as supporting the Patriot Act?
JK: At the time it seemed like a good idea.
Moderator: A good idea?
JK: You see...I'm a man of the people. I do whatever the people want from me.
Moderator: So basically you flip flop in order to save face?
JK: Pretty much.
Moderator: Moving on to our next subject...taxes. Mr. Bush, how do you respond to claims that your tax breaks mainly benefitted the richest 1% of Americans?
GWB: Well...uhh....ya see....I....did I mention Iraq has Weapons of Mass Destruction©? Cause they do. They hate freedom ya know. What with the new-cloo-lear...I mean, new-coo-lear, I mean....big bombs and all.......God Bless America.
Moderator: Senator Kerry?
JK: Did I mention my 3 purple hearts have names? The first one is Spanky, the other is Chi-Chi and the third is Ramone. That's three of them...three purple hearts. I earned them in Vietnam, being a war hero and all. Did I mention I'm a war hero? I think I did...
Moderator: Okay this is going no where fast...let's fast forward to our next subject, religion. President Bush, you're thoughts?
GWB: Not many people know this, but God is actually an American. It's true. He also loves NASCAR and Skynrd and drinks Red Dawgs. Again, I know this is true because Uncle Dick told me so. That's why God wants to get rid of those dirty A-rabs. Cause it's true. He does. Weapons of Mass Destruction©. God Bless America and NEVER FORGET!
JK: I had a dream once that someone stole my purple hearts. I woke up and thanked God that they were still there. Does that count? Hey, anybody want some ketchup? My wife has got cases of this stuff lying around the house for some reason.
GWB: Only if it's FREEDOM LOVING W Ketchup, you Pinko Commie.
Moderator: Okay geneltmen, one last question...
JK: *cough*PURPLE*cough*HEARTS*cough*WAR*cough*HERO*co ugh*
Moderator: If you could sum your campaign in one word what would it be?
GWB: Umm...I'm not very good with words...what about...ANTI-TERRORIST?
Moderator: And you Mr. Kerry?
JK: PURPLEHEART
Moderator: That's two words...
JK: Not if you say it real fast it isn't.
Moderator: That's it...I quit my job. Good night everyone.
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