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My Top 10 Van Hagar Jokes!!!
steve
Ok, well I'm new here, and I believe I'm just one of the many "V.H. historian fans" that HATE having to hear about "Van Hagar" or that "Cherone" calamity too, and I believe this forum may help me to release my frustrations... and I'd appreciate it if you let me know what you think of my best work as I present to you: "Van Hagar - The Jokes & beyond!"...
Hopefully someone will find these to be quite amusing!
1. The first "V. Hagar release" should've been titled "51-frisbee".
2. Ok, and the single should've been titled "Why can't this be good?"
3. Alrighty, how's 'bout this one? The all new "Van Hagar box set" titled "Everybody wants none." Am I getting warmer here?
4. Hmmmm... well, I'll mix it up here a bit then... I believe it's safe to say that Bette Midler could 'sue' Sammy for stealing her image, sadly at her peak, while actually making it worse on the eyes. lol. And here's a bonus... like also thanking Sammy for taking what was left of Van Halen to "Merry-go-round" to get their new look/image as an excellent marketing move to top their 1984 look. Yeah right. Oh, and this also marks the debut of Eddie with a mullet annnd a wifebeater. Oh, and also along with the entire V.H. stageshow dissapearing into thin air. And let's not forget the excellent marketing strategy of touring before releasing 51-frisbee. This clearly had the effect of a knife in the gut of the most passionate V.H. fans left alive as the audience got to figure out they hated the music live on the spot. Neat idea. I mean ouch.
5. They should've released an all new studio cd with this 'reunion' thing and called it "Whoopdee doo, 1, 2." to coincide with the "Swallow the pride tour". *but instead alls ya get is only 2 new lame songs.
6. Now a moment of silence for Gary Cherone: The janitor of Van Halen... *that didn't clean anything up, for the record. But boy what a mess he made! He took V.H. all the way to the "House of Blues", literally. Oh, and they lost their W.B. record deal. Hmmmm... nice work.
7. Ok, now remember when both Eddie & Alex said that "the Dave from 1996 ain't the same Dave as 1984?" well, hmmm... this ironically comes from one who needed a hip replacement at the time, and the other toured in a neckbrace well till the tour sunk. Remember that? Oh, and as we ALL know, they were always like that back in the day, nothing's changed on their end that's for sure. lol. Meanwhile, Dave's in better shape than ever and has a studio/session quality band that can play the stuff better than they can anymore. Who's different now?
8. Ok, I'm trying really hard here to keep'em funny AND factual... how 'bout -when- they announced the Cherone move?... well, at that time I thought that Dave should've hired Nuno Bettencourt and called his new album "From one Extreme to another." Anyone? Beuler?
9. Alrighty... almost done I think... but, here comes yet another! I've often wanted to just take Sammy to court and say: "Your honor, check this out, I've literally looked and listened to EVERYTHING on V.H.1, V.H.2, W.A.C.F., Fair Warning, Diver Down & even 1984, and NOWHERE, I rePEAT NO-WHERE as even YOU will clearly SEE, does it have SAMMY HAGAR listed as doing ANYTHING!!! Your honor, THIS IS "VAN HALEN" and this "Sammy" fella was NEVER in VAN HALEN. Then, "Case dismissed" would have to follow immediately afterwards right? RIGHT.
10. If Van Halen only had a sports commentator...
"Ok, it's 1984 and Van Halen are looking GREAT on the stage, wait, what's this? Keyboards? And now, Roth steps out!... and we now have Hagar intercepting sorta and running with the ball kinda... but in the WRONG direction FAST... ok, here come the CHEESY BALLADS, ONE after ANOTHER, BARELY any MEAT or MUSCLE WHAT-SO-EVER!!!... and there goes the STAGE, the ATTITUDE, the BALLS annnnd next, STUPID new LOGO and Hagar's out, then somehow the ball fumbles into Gary Cherone! Cherone goes down FAST like BLINK of an EYE, GOODBYE W.B. RECORD DEAL & GOODNIGHT." I'm Dan Steele... kinda.
Al Van Helsing
Let me know how I did here?
Ok, well I'm new here, and I believe I'm just one of the many "V.H. historian fans" that HATE having to hear about "Van Hagar" or that "Cherone" calamity too, and I believe this forum may help me to release my frustrations... and I'd appreciate it if you let me know what you think of my best work as I present to you: "Van Hagar - The Jokes & beyond!"...
Hopefully someone will find these to be quite amusing!
1. The first "V. Hagar release" should've been titled "51-frisbee".
2. Ok, and the single should've been titled "Why can't this be good?"
3. Alrighty, how's 'bout this one? The all new "Van Hagar box set" titled "Everybody wants none." Am I getting warmer here?
4. Hmmmm... well, I'll mix it up here a bit then... I believe it's safe to say that Bette Midler could 'sue' Sammy for stealing her image, sadly at her peak, while actually making it worse on the eyes. lol. And here's a bonus... like also thanking Sammy for taking what was left of Van Halen to "Merry-go-round" to get their new look/image as an excellent marketing move to top their 1984 look. Yeah right. Oh, and this also marks the debut of Eddie with a mullet annnd a wifebeater. Oh, and also along with the entire V.H. stageshow dissapearing into thin air. And let's not forget the excellent marketing strategy of touring before releasing 51-frisbee. This clearly had the effect of a knife in the gut of the most passionate V.H. fans left alive as the audience got to figure out they hated the music live on the spot. Neat idea. I mean ouch.
5. They should've released an all new studio cd with this 'reunion' thing and called it "Whoopdee doo, 1, 2." to coincide with the "Swallow the pride tour". *but instead alls ya get is only 2 new lame songs.
6. Now a moment of silence for Gary Cherone: The janitor of Van Halen... *that didn't clean anything up, for the record. But boy what a mess he made! He took V.H. all the way to the "House of Blues", literally. Oh, and they lost their W.B. record deal. Hmmmm... nice work.
7. Ok, now remember when both Eddie & Alex said that "the Dave from 1996 ain't the same Dave as 1984?" well, hmmm... this ironically comes from one who needed a hip replacement at the time, and the other toured in a neckbrace well till the tour sunk. Remember that? Oh, and as we ALL know, they were always like that back in the day, nothing's changed on their end that's for sure. lol. Meanwhile, Dave's in better shape than ever and has a studio/session quality band that can play the stuff better than they can anymore. Who's different now?
8. Ok, I'm trying really hard here to keep'em funny AND factual... how 'bout -when- they announced the Cherone move?... well, at that time I thought that Dave should've hired Nuno Bettencourt and called his new album "From one Extreme to another." Anyone? Beuler?
9. Alrighty... almost done I think... but, here comes yet another! I've often wanted to just take Sammy to court and say: "Your honor, check this out, I've literally looked and listened to EVERYTHING on V.H.1, V.H.2, W.A.C.F., Fair Warning, Diver Down & even 1984, and NOWHERE, I rePEAT NO-WHERE as even YOU will clearly SEE, does it have SAMMY HAGAR listed as doing ANYTHING!!! Your honor, THIS IS "VAN HALEN" and this "Sammy" fella was NEVER in VAN HALEN. Then, "Case dismissed" would have to follow immediately afterwards right? RIGHT.
10. If Van Halen only had a sports commentator...
"Ok, it's 1984 and Van Halen are looking GREAT on the stage, wait, what's this? Keyboards? And now, Roth steps out!... and we now have Hagar intercepting sorta and running with the ball kinda... but in the WRONG direction FAST... ok, here come the CHEESY BALLADS, ONE after ANOTHER, BARELY any MEAT or MUSCLE WHAT-SO-EVER!!!... and there goes the STAGE, the ATTITUDE, the BALLS annnnd next, STUPID new LOGO and Hagar's out, then somehow the ball fumbles into Gary Cherone! Cherone goes down FAST like BLINK of an EYE, GOODBYE W.B. RECORD DEAL & GOODNIGHT." I'm Dan Steele... kinda.
Al Van Helsing
Let me know how I did here?