This Fuckin' Kid

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  • POJO_Risin
    Roth Army Caesar
    • Mar 2003
    • 40648

    This Fuckin' Kid

    So Rikk reached out to me today...love that Dude...a brother from another mother...

    So here we go...

    What changed for Dave?

    Prior to ten days or so ago, Dave seemed as calm and cool and collected on The Van Halen front as he ever has. He's talked about his relationship with Al post Ed's passing in as positive a light as he ever has. He's reminisced about VH the way the boys were doing prior to the 2012 release. There clearly was discussions with Dave about doing a tribute that included Al that disappeared, but...nothing seemed to be negative in an odd sense...especially for Van Halen.

    Then fat fuckin' Bette Midler gets his money grubbing hot dog fingers dipping into the VH pool again with the "who gives a fuck" release of Van Hagar's bullshit (fine...whatever), and this S(h)am of a tour where he got alien rear-ended when Dave called him out for asking him to join the crew. It was hilarious and grand. Then Mikey meets up with Wolfy.

    And of course...Wolfy...with his fucking bullshit gatekeeping.

    So something changed for Dave.

    Nine Days ago...Dave shredded that fat fuck Bette Midler in a Roth Show.

    ...and Dave's story...about Ed and Val's wedding night..."Eddie and I both hated her family. We both hated her brothers, her sisters, her parents..."

    "Eddie and I knew the routine...now that I laugh, what a brotherly thing" talking about holding Ed while he was yakking after doing a bump so he wouldn't get shit on his tux...and Dave let go..."and we both started giggling...I don't want to fucking go out there."

    Then the story about the VHS tape that Val saw...and she left him after six weeks...so this was...2001? The long and the short of THAT STORY? "Edward, my brother from another mother, I don't care who you fuck or how hard, and he laughed. Valerie, she wasn't laughing. In a declaration of some evangelical type 1930s fucking hate...she and her lawyers beat the shit out of that kid. She fucked him outta everything. And I'm going to tell you she left him flat...and penniless. The great Van Halen had to go borrow a million dollars and do the unimaginable...YES!...he had to call me...."

    Eight Days ago...Dave discussed how Howdy Doody Ranch sucked the life outta Edward so much, that he had to escape on a golf cart to hit up the Sportsman's Lodge...for...well...you know...let your mind unwind "Eddie is wandering the halls like the Ghost of Hamlet's Dad." There seemed to be a lot of little stories not told, within the story...but it seemed to glean a not so kind story about the VH camp "they've taken away his car keys, he's livin' in his pajamas"...you can insert whatever names you want there...certainly slammed the shit out of Val...and skimmed across Al...and Wolfy...and led Ed to Jan.

    "And guess who shows up...allegedly...but I just missed him by a day or two...my old friend Ed. We run in to each other now and then (!!!! Tell those fucking stories Dave), and I'm up there at the studio, my timelines are all backwards and forwards. I spend some time at The Sportsmen's Lodge. I didn't actually run into Ed, but it's a small community there. Having first discovered The Sportsmen's Lodge in his pajamas, the good way, Ed, in classic rock star fashion...remember the motto, "what is the perfect rock star solution for all emotional, drama, trauma, and pain?" Go on the road."

    "...and you don't have to go far. In fact, the farthest Ed did go was down Coldwater about a mile and a quarter, to the Sportsman's Lodge, and he decides he's going to live there, and he does."

    "He falls in with the porno crowd...granted Ed is in a state of emotional disarray, and he meets his future wife, in the swimming pool."

    "I got myself in troube up at the studio...and my timelines are bouncing around...when I quoted Anthony Bourdain...the gourmet food critic's book...this should be the name of your porno craft services company..."A Bone in your Throat." I'll draw you the logo. Things went great and wrong with Jane and I instantly."

    The long and the short of it...Janie straightens him out...new teeth...and he's going to write some music for it..."he needs a whole fuckin' porn shoot."

    And of course...the "This Crazy Kid" post...he of course slams him hard. But what stood out to me was when Dave said, "...but as usual...he...just like his uncle and his uncle's brother...stiffed them for tickets." Now I suppose he could be talking about Val's brothers, who were sorta in the mix here and there...but don't think that's who he was talking about.

    So Dave wasn't fearing throwing that slam out there involving Alex...and Ed.

    So Dave wasn't fearling dropping an H-Bomb on the fake Mammoth.

    So Dave brushed the dust off of mentioning Bette Midler by hilariously mentioning Bette's alien probing.

    I wonder if something happened specific. Another falling out with Alex. Wolfgang doing something behind the scenes. Perhaps the S(h)am and the Sparrows are going to include in their reunion everyone BUT Dave, then find a way to blame Dave...which will now probably be these Roth Shows.

    Meh...

    Fuck it...

    But that Roth timeline is fun. It seems as though he has jumbled a bunch of shit up...but the timeline around Ed's time there is fun, and when connected with Val leaving Ed...gets really fun. They separated in 2001...was that when Dave is referring to her leaving? He talks of the divorce? Was this in 2006-2007, when Dave and Ed had reconciled? Was he blending both things together? Was he making shit up.

    Who the fuck knows...but Dave needs to keep fucking doing.

    This fucking kid...

    ...isn't a toenail on the rock star that Dave was in 1974, let alone the fifty years since then. Go ahead and keep making an album in which everyone outside of the Van Halen camp pats you on the back for BECAUSE you're Ed's son...you privileged fuck. You're and eighth-rate Foo Fighters, and not even flaked skin of the greatest American Rock and Roll band of all time. We all get why you don't play Van Halen songs every night...

    ...you'd be exposed.

    Sorry....this was about Dave...

    Whatever happened DLR...I sure can't wait for you to spill it...
    "Van Halen was one of the most hallelujah, tailgate, backyard, BBQ, arrive four hours early to the gig just for the parking lot bands. And still to this day is. It's an attitude. I think it's a spirit more than anything else is."
  • Nitro Express
    DIAMOND STATUS
    • Aug 2004
    • 32809

    #2
    Who the fuck wanted to see Dave share a stage with those gimps anyways? Seeing Captain Roth firing broadsides into Popsicle Wabo and Fat Fuck Wolf was glorious.
    No! You can't have the keys to the wine cellar!

    Comment

    • Nitro Express
      DIAMOND STATUS
      • Aug 2004
      • 32809

      #3
      Seeing all the faggy Sammy/Wolfie lovers shake their fists at Dave is great too. Lot’s of ruffled rage on YouBoob over it.
      No! You can't have the keys to the wine cellar!

      Comment

      • Nitro Express
        DIAMOND STATUS
        • Aug 2004
        • 32809

        #4
        Sam is upset Van Halen closed with Dave and not him. In Sam’s deluded mind he can recreate Van Halen and have it end with him. This is some crazy shit thinking. Dave knows he has the real legacy and it’s impossible to steal. He’s still getting his royalties. I heard Jump the other day playing in a store.

        Sketchy Joe must have been offered a bunch of money from Sam because he is trying to unlock the Van Halen code of tone. Anyways fuck all those fucks. Just another clown show for the summer.
        Last edited by Nitro Express; 01-27-2024, 10:09 PM.
        No! You can't have the keys to the wine cellar!

        Comment

        • Terry
          TOASTMASTER GENERAL
          • Jan 2004
          • 11982

          #5
          It's that long-established Van Halen 101 narrative...Dave was difficult to deal with...Ed was blameless in all of it...Sammy Hagar was a nice guy...Valerie was 'America's Sweetheart'...Wolfgang inherited Eddie's talent.

          Sammy, Wolfgang and Valerie still publicly feed into that simplistic narrative. I mean, you'd think in general terms people would be smarter than to just buy into that public image of who Van Halen was as individual personalities. I have no doubt Ed, Al, Valerie and Wolfgang all were and are as capable of self-absorption, nastiness and whatever as much as anybody else is.

          With Dave, maybe he IS making some of this stuff up or maybe he's just letting it rip because at this point why not?
          Scramby eggs and bacon.

          Comment

          • Nitro Express
            DIAMOND STATUS
            • Aug 2004
            • 32809

            #6
            Steve Vai speaks highly of David Lee Roth. The whole Eat Em and Smile band does. John 5 does. I think Dave and Ed had personality clashes and maybe they got tired of each other. Substance abuse doesn’t help. Dave is a leader and you get two leaders and they will clash. You can’t have another Indian chief with Dave.
            No! You can't have the keys to the wine cellar!

            Comment

            • Nitro Express
              DIAMOND STATUS
              • Aug 2004
              • 32809

              #7
              Dave is letting it rip. Sam deserves it and Dave is like the fat kid ain’t so innocent. He can be a real asshole.
              No! You can't have the keys to the wine cellar!

              Comment

              • Terry
                TOASTMASTER GENERAL
                • Jan 2004
                • 11982

                #8
                This whole biz re: trading barbs/trash talking post-2020...brings to mind the expression "it's all over but the shouting"...

                For me, it was like, once Eddie died...what did it matter what anyone in the band had to say about how shitty they felt toward others who had been in the band? Wasn't 35 years of that more than enough?

                I guess not, since Roth, Wolfgang and Hagar still feel compelled to keep that stuff going. Old habits die hard or whatever.
                Scramby eggs and bacon.

                Comment

                • Nitro Express
                  DIAMOND STATUS
                  • Aug 2004
                  • 32809

                  #9
                  The farts linger but Dave has the best smelling farts.
                  No! You can't have the keys to the wine cellar!

                  Comment

                  • Kristy
                    DIAMOND STATUS
                    • Aug 2004
                    • 16375

                    #10
                    Originally posted by POJO_Risin


                    So something changed for Dave.


                    Fuck it...


                    Whatever happened DLR...I sure can't wait for you to spill it...

                    I no longer listen to Dave's podcast because if I want to hear a sundowning grandpa whine about how it sucks to grow older I'll volunteer at an old folks home. When I did listen the only show I remember was Dave remorsing on Eddie's death and then making Eddie's death to be all about him. My feeling was Dave was comfortable in his own skin performing as long as he had Eddie in his back pocket and could control the brother's heavy weather of who was really running the show. This was evident when I saw them at the 2015 Red Rocks show. As I said before Dave was fucking terrible. His vocals were shot, highly irritating and at times unbearable to listen to. Many times during that show Dave was turning to Ed to save him from drowning in his own embarrassment and a lot of the enjoyment of that show fell squarely upon Ed's shoulders. Now with Ed gone and no matter what flashy guitar player Dave can afford to hire cannot save him like Ed did. Ed knew Roth was an embarrassment on that 2015 tour. Ed knew that he was in a nostalgia act and Ed knew this was a one-time deal - for the money.

                    Now it's all over and the "classic Van Halen" should stay that way (although I'm pissed right the fuck off there is no decent box set of those years released and nothing on the radar). Roth has enough money to live on comfortable for the rest of his miserable life. Could give a fuck less about Val, Bette, the F A T Wolf Boy or any legal fallout that may be remaining. Don't give a runny shit what Dave has to say anymore. His podcast to me is a cry for help.

                    Comment

                    • Nitro Express
                      DIAMOND STATUS
                      • Aug 2004
                      • 32809

                      #11
                      Dave is running up $93,000 pot dispensary bills saying and doing what the fuck he wants. He could care less what people think. What’s more rock and roll than that? He can throw whoever he wants under the bus because he’s too old to care.
                      No! You can't have the keys to the wine cellar!

                      Comment

                      • Las Lunas
                        Roth Army Recruit
                        • Jan 2024
                        • 4

                        #12
                        EVH borrowed a million from Diamond Dave when Val left him? And I’ve never got the sense Ed hated Vals family. Why did he have the brothers around all the time and build 5150. Maybe I have missed these revelations.

                        Comment

                        • Las Lunas
                          Roth Army Recruit
                          • Jan 2024
                          • 4

                          #13
                          One thing is for sure is Val is a total wacko. Her social media posts are unhinged and living with her even when she looked decent must have been a total nightmare.

                          Comment

                          • Nitro Express
                            DIAMOND STATUS
                            • Aug 2004
                            • 32809

                            #14
                            Val is nuttier than squirrel shit.
                            No! You can't have the keys to the wine cellar!

                            Comment

                            • ZahZoo
                              ROTH ARMY WEBMASTER

                              • Jan 2004
                              • 9000

                              #15
                              Originally posted by Terry
                              With Dave, maybe he IS making some of this stuff up or maybe he's just letting it rip because at this point why not?
                              Dave's ability to tell a story in a colorful manner has not diminished over the years... he could spin a tale of a trip to the grocery store to pick up some bananas, milk and toilet paper then make it sound like an adventurous and danger filled expedition...

                              I suspect most the truth is in the mix... with a touch of embellishment added for flavor.
                              "If you want to be a monk... you gotta cook a lot of rice...”

                              Comment

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