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suck3rs
That's right, it's down to the nitty gritty. I know that many of you
think that my emails should consist strictly of "liquor, women, drugs
and killing, rock-n-roll, outlaw country and the occasional joke or two
and to you, I apologize. Feel free to bury your head in the sand once
more and delete this missive now because I am here to use my (very
nominal) influence to tell our fans to please get out and vote for a
change this Tuesday.
To my republican friends (and I hope you are still my friends if you've
made it this far into my email) I have this rock-n-roll analogy for
you:
Let's say that the Republican Party is Van Halen and (for the sake of
argument we will time travel quite a bit) Abraham Lincoln is the David
Lee Roth of Republicans. An ass kicking, slave freeing,
minimize-the-government-in-our-lives bad ass. The glory years. Then
let's say that Sammy Hagar is the Ronald Regan character, he totally
lost the die-hard but for some reason Van Halen had never been more
popular. Hit after hit. The Van Halen machine makes more money than
anyone thought possible! Next, sadly, it's time to enter that guy from
Extreme, Gary Cherone. Here is our G.W. Bush. Even the most
dyed-in-the-wool Van Halen fans have to admit, this was one bad idea,
it didn't work and, thankfully we only had to put up with one record
from this version of the Republican Par..., uh, I mean... Van Halen.
Gary made Van Halen so bad that Sammy Hagar returning actually seems to
be a GOOD idea!
So there you go, even Republicans have to admit that G.W. has totally
"Gary Cheroned" this Presidency, don't you think? I thought this would
help clear things up for you. Now get out there and buy one of those
"Republicans For Kerry" stickers and help us make this change. Sure
Kerry's no Diamond Dave either, but who is anymore? It's not like Van
Halen's gonna ask ME to sing for 'em...
Vote. Please.
Eddie "One more week until I can stop being obsessed with this
election" Spaghetti.
That's right, it's down to the nitty gritty. I know that many of you
think that my emails should consist strictly of "liquor, women, drugs
and killing, rock-n-roll, outlaw country and the occasional joke or two
and to you, I apologize. Feel free to bury your head in the sand once
more and delete this missive now because I am here to use my (very
nominal) influence to tell our fans to please get out and vote for a
change this Tuesday.
To my republican friends (and I hope you are still my friends if you've
made it this far into my email) I have this rock-n-roll analogy for
you:
Let's say that the Republican Party is Van Halen and (for the sake of
argument we will time travel quite a bit) Abraham Lincoln is the David
Lee Roth of Republicans. An ass kicking, slave freeing,
minimize-the-government-in-our-lives bad ass. The glory years. Then
let's say that Sammy Hagar is the Ronald Regan character, he totally
lost the die-hard but for some reason Van Halen had never been more
popular. Hit after hit. The Van Halen machine makes more money than
anyone thought possible! Next, sadly, it's time to enter that guy from
Extreme, Gary Cherone. Here is our G.W. Bush. Even the most
dyed-in-the-wool Van Halen fans have to admit, this was one bad idea,
it didn't work and, thankfully we only had to put up with one record
from this version of the Republican Par..., uh, I mean... Van Halen.
Gary made Van Halen so bad that Sammy Hagar returning actually seems to
be a GOOD idea!
So there you go, even Republicans have to admit that G.W. has totally
"Gary Cheroned" this Presidency, don't you think? I thought this would
help clear things up for you. Now get out there and buy one of those
"Republicans For Kerry" stickers and help us make this change. Sure
Kerry's no Diamond Dave either, but who is anymore? It's not like Van
Halen's gonna ask ME to sing for 'em...
Vote. Please.
Eddie "One more week until I can stop being obsessed with this
election" Spaghetti.
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