Airline security really fucking pisses me off.
They fuck around taking little scissors off of people like it makes a difference while in the last couple of weeks a woman has boarded a plane with a stun gun by accident and another took bullets on board.
I fly at least twice a week and the insanity of the security measures are driving me so mad I work out little fantasy's of how to do it.
Does that make me a bad person?
Plan A
I choose a non British Airways flight because they have reinforced their cockpit doors. I go through security with nothing at all. I wander up to the duty free shop and buy a bottle of red wine. I take it to the restroom and smash it against the cistern while it's still in the bag. Drain off the wiine and take the bottle neck on board. Once th flight takes off I slit the throat of an air hostess and gain access to the cockpit where I either shove the bottle into the throats of the pilots.
The beauty of this plan is that the powers that be will always allow glass bottles in the shops beynd security because they make money.
Plan B
Much easier
I'm a suicide bomber.
I check my baggage in with a bomb which has semtex which I pick up in a bar in Belfast probably originally funded by some misguided Bostonians. i choose a provincial airport or most of the US ones where they don't have the equipment to detect plastic explosives and simply get on the plane, pray to Allah and wait for it to go off.
Plan C
Just as easy but doing the Bin Laden avoiding martyrdom thing.
I get a job at an airport as a baggage handler. Almost no security checks are done on me but like the new fingerprinting policy in the US it makes absolutely no difference either way because I am a well educated Saudi with no criminal record much like the 9-11 types so I easily slip through. Stick a bomb in someones baggage. Too easy.
Plan D
This one takes two of us. We book two seats apart from each other on a United Airlines flight. I buy a cigarette lighter from the kiosk after I go through security while wondering why I can't buy gum any nore for security reasons. I wait until the flight is airborn and then set fire to my safety card. My accomplice walks up behind the air marshall who will jump up at that point and we overpower him and take his gun.
Things I wouldn't do.
1) When asked at check in if I have been asked to carry something on the plane by someone say yes some Middle Eastern guy asked me to take this attache case on the flight.
2) When asked if I packed my own case say no while I was visiting I left my case at the Lybian consulate for safe keeping.
3) Try to overpower the aircraft with a nail clipper.
4) Put on exploding shoes assuming I won't have the soles of my shoes randomly checked. Actually I might because it's only one in ten anyway.
Cheers!
Reply With Quote
