How many 5 year-olds could you take on at once?

**Dave's PA Rental** · 04-04-2005, 08:56 PM

I cant take credit for making this up...it's making its way around to some other message boards that I frequent, and some of the responses are just 'piss-your-pants-funny'...

Here goes:

The question: How many 5 year-olds could you take on at once?

The specifics:

- You are in an enclosed area, roughly the size of a basketball court. There are no foreign objects.
- You are not allowed to touch a wall.
- When you are knocked unconscious, you lose. When they are all knocked unconscious, they lose. Once a kid is knocked unconscious, that kid is "out."
- I (or someone else intent on seeing to it you fail) get to choose the kids from a pool that is twice the size of your magic number. The pool will be 50/50 in terms of gender and will have no discernable abnormalities in terms of demographics, other than they are all healthy Americans.
- The kids receive one day of training from hand-to-hand combat experts who will train them specifically to team up to take down one adult. You will receive one hour of "counter-tactics" training.
- There is no protective padding for any combatant other than the standard-issue cup.
* The kids are motivated enough to not get scared, regardless of the bloodshed. Even the very last one will give it his/her best to take you down.

**rustoffa** · 04-04-2005, 09:01 PM

Jacko's demise!

**Dave's PA Rental** · 04-04-2005, 09:05 PM

I don't know...I think I could take out 4-5 of them with each clubbing-swing of my right arm...

**Dan** · 04-04-2005, 09:28 PM

Bull-Rush,is the game the kids play at School when I was a kid.One kid in the middle and the rest running to get to the other side without being dropped.

I'm going to say 4 and I'm going to have alot of energy drinks before the Match.

**GAR** · 04-04-2005, 10:18 PM

Gimmee 1 roll of duct tape and a wood chipper, and I promise you'll have no more of that nasty "alimony" problem. That's what this is all about, right? These are your kids?

**DeadOrAlive** · 04-04-2005, 10:21 PM

LOL good one GAR!!! you get a vote for that!!

**bueno bob** · 04-04-2005, 10:25 PM

Originally posted by Dave's PA Rental
I cant take credit for making this up...it's making its way around to some other message boards that I frequent, and some of the responses are just 'piss-your-pants-funny'...

Here goes:

The question: How many 5 year-olds could you take on at once?

The specifics:

- You are in an enclosed area, roughly the size of a basketball court. There are no foreign objects.
- You are not allowed to touch a wall.
- When you are knocked unconscious, you lose. When they are all knocked unconscious, they lose. Once a kid is knocked unconscious, that kid is "out."
- I (or someone else intent on seeing to it you fail) get to choose the kids from a pool that is twice the size of your magic number. The pool will be 50/50 in terms of gender and will have no discernable abnormalities in terms of demographics, other than they are all healthy Americans.
- The kids receive one day of training from hand-to-hand combat experts who will train them specifically to team up to take down one adult. You will receive one hour of "counter-tactics" training.
- There is no protective padding for any combatant other than the standard-issue cup.
* The kids are motivated enough to not get scared, regardless of the bloodshed. Even the very last one will give it his/her best to take you down.

All of 'em. I was a substitute kindergarten teacher for a while, remember, so I oughta know.

**Figs** · 04-04-2005, 10:31 PM

47, mainly 'cause i'd be wearing a cup......

**MAX** · 04-04-2005, 10:42 PM

Jeesh,

I dunno and wouldn't underestimate the little shits. Any of you who've had a birthday party with a bunch of five year olds running around your house knows exactly what the fuck I'm talking about. It's like a bus pulls up, drops off a bunch of midget rodeo clowns on acid and they're everywhere and into everything. They puke, shit their pants, break shit and then leave. I dunno how to describe it? It's like having a bunch of drunken monkeys running around the place and you cannot catch them. I'd prolly be destroyed fo sho.

**academic punk** · 04-04-2005, 10:45 PM

Originally posted by MAX
Jeesh,

I dunno and wouldn't underestimate the little shits. Any of you who've had a birthday party with a bunch of five year olds running around your house knows exactly what the fuck I'm talking about. It's like a bus pulls up, drops off a bunch of midget rodeo clowns on acid and they're everywhere and into everything. They puke, shit their pants, break shit and then leave. I dunno how to describe it? It's like having a bunch of drunken monkeys running around the place and you cannot catch them. I'd prolly be destroyed fo sho.

TRANSLATION: MAX made them all take off their shirts and painted their nipples blue and made them all call him a bitch.

**MAX** · 04-04-2005, 10:49 PM

Originally posted by academic punk
TRANSLATION: MAX made them all take off their shirts and painted their nipples blue and made them all call him a bitch.

Fuck you!!! LOL!!!

AP, ever since I started picking on Carmine you've become his antithesis and are taking out his vengence upon me.

**Dan** · 04-04-2005, 10:49 PM

Originally posted by MAX
Jeesh,

I dunno and wouldn't underestimate the little shits. Any of you who've had a birthday party with a bunch of five year olds running around your house knows exactly what the fuck I'm talking about. It's like a bus pulls up, drops off a bunch of midget rodeo clowns on acid and they're everywhere and into everything. They puke, shit their pants, break shit and then leave. I dunno how to describe it? It's like having a bunch of drunken monkeys running around the place and you cannot catch them. I'd prolly be destroyed fo sho.

I know what you mean Max,Welcome to The Zoo.My Sister's kids are like that,they wear me out jumping on me,the name calling,be afraid people.They are all A.D.D..I go Home and I want to lay on the floor and cry.No just joking about crying.

**Jesterstar** · 04-04-2005, 10:53 PM

I would not stop untill every 5 year old was bleeding from the ears.

**bueno bob** · 04-04-2005, 10:54 PM

On a serious note, I'm going to guess I could probably go through, say....according to the parameters of the fight....8 or 9 before I couldn't continue. And to get that far, I'd have to use all of my old boxing, wrestling, martial arts background and military hand to hand knowledge, but I have to rightly balance it out against being REALLY out of shape and a fairly heavy smoker.

8 or 9 tops, and I'd have to work QUICK so that they went down quickly to get that far.

**academic punk** · 04-04-2005, 10:56 PM

Originally posted by MAX
Fuck you!!! LOL!!!

AP, ever since I started picking on Carmine you've become his antithesis and are taking out his vengence upon me.

yes...it's almost like I'm alias...

ah, but I've already said too much...

**Jesterstar** · 04-04-2005, 10:56 PM

They are only training for a hour. They are all going to be tired. Kids today are fat fucks who don't do shit. This would be a Blood and Brain Fest like no other.

**MAX** · 04-04-2005, 10:57 PM

Originally posted by academic punk
yes...it's almost like I'm alias...

ah, but I've siad too much...

What's an alias?

**academic punk** · 04-04-2005, 10:58 PM

Originally posted by MAX
What's an alias?

I dunno...maybe you should ask our very own SEAN HANNITY.

**bueno bob** · 04-04-2005, 10:58 PM

Originally posted by MAX
What's an alias?

Didn't they have that big hit song "More Than Words Can Say"?

**MAX** · 04-04-2005, 10:58 PM

AP with the body blow!!!

OUCH!!!

**bueno bob** · 04-04-2005, 10:59 PM

Originally posted by Jesterstar
They are only training for a hour. They are all going to be tired. Kids today are fat fucks who don't do shit. This would be a Blood and Brain Fest like no other.

It'd be tougher than you think. Even against a much weaker opponent, the numbers can catch up with quickly, especially with those parameters to maneuver the hand to hand around.

**academic punk** · 04-04-2005, 11:00 PM

Originally posted by MAX
AP with the body blow!!!

OUCH!!!

heh heh!

Revenge for all the posts I read by "SH" that made me smash my head into the monitor! Sweet!

**Jesterstar** · 04-04-2005, 11:00 PM

We never said how many we had to fight.

**MAX** · 04-04-2005, 11:02 PM

Originally posted by academic punk
heh heh!

Revenge for all the posts I read by "SH" that made me smash my head into the monitor! Sweet!

LOL!!!

**bueno bob** · 04-04-2005, 11:02 PM

Originally posted by Jesterstar
We never said how many we had to fight.

This is true. I myself could handle 8 or 9 maximum, but in order to do it I'd have to work really quickly and aim for the vitals...hoping that they come at me in an order that I could effectively plan my next three strikes and moves for at least the first 20 seconds or so.

**Jesterstar** · 04-04-2005, 11:08 PM

See you've got to rethink the way you fight. Look at the way you train. Your only training for 3 at the most attackers. You have to accept any situation. b

**bueno bob** · 04-04-2005, 11:14 PM

Let me re-read the parameters of this...

**bueno bob** · 04-04-2005, 11:15 PM

Twice the size of your "magic number"...missed that the first time...

What is the "magic number"? That's a whole new spin on the affair right there...

**Matt White** · 04-04-2005, 11:19 PM

I could take on an unlimited amount of 'em.
I have "deadly hands of Kung-Fu"!!!

**bueno bob** · 04-04-2005, 11:21 PM

Originally posted by Matt White
I could take on an unlimited amount of 'em.
I have "deadly hands of Kung-Fu"!!!

You have the G.I. Joe with the kung-fu grip.

**rustoffa** · 04-04-2005, 11:32 PM

The ritalin factor is nothing to scoff at.

You could always bust out a battle mace and a pop-rocks grenade launcher.

Fuck, they outlawed that pop rocks stuff.

Maybe a Pixy Stix bazooka? Is that still on the market?

**MAX** · 04-04-2005, 11:36 PM

Stoff brings up some good points. What if the kids are all wired up on sugar!!! :eek:

**tjvhou812** · 04-04-2005, 11:42 PM

Originally posted by GAR
Gimmee 1 roll of duct tape and a wood chipper, and I promise you'll have no more of that nasty "alimony" problem. That's what this is all about, right? These are your kids?

lol.........

**Matt White** · 04-04-2005, 11:46 PM

Originally posted by bueno bob
You have the G.I. Joe with the kung-fu grip.

Believe me Bob, I'VE got the "KUNG-FU GRIP"!!!

**rustoffa** · 04-04-2005, 11:47 PM

Originally posted by MAX
Stoff brings up some good points. What if the kids are all wired up on sugar!!! :eek:

Ritalin!

You exploit THAT with a huge sugar overload.

They'd probably turn on themselves or start tearing the gym up, then you just bash 'em with the mace!

**MAX** · 04-04-2005, 11:49 PM

Originally posted by Matt White
Believe me Bob, I'VE got the "KUNG-FU GRIP"!!!

So you spank....... How many times a day? :p

**Matt White** · 04-04-2005, 11:50 PM

You try livin' out in the fuckin' woods!!!

**MAX** · 04-04-2005, 11:55 PM

Shit, I live in Suburbia, U.S.A. and my "maximus" is my best friend. lol.

**Panamark** · 04-05-2005, 08:55 AM

Are you allowed to dress like Barney ?

**MAX** · 04-05-2005, 05:14 PM

Originally posted by Panamark
Are you allowed to dress like Barney ?

Sounds kinky Mark, do you dress like that for Mary? :p

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