Has anyone ever smashed a cat with a Hoover Wind Tunnel vaccum?

[rustoffa]

So I was just in a hurry to get some housework done in a big fucking hurry, and smashed a cat with my vaccum. Maybe one of it's nine lives' is gone, but it's still alive and hiding in my game room.

It's fucked up...I was vacuuming this stupid-ass runner-rug in the foyer, and the fringe on the end of the rug got all smoked up. I kept thinking it would break loose or whatever, but it didn't. The vaccum started smoking, and when I tried to change the belt, I got like a third degree burn from the melted belt.

That's when I threw the fucking thing down the stairs leading to the basement, and heard a cat scream. Fucking crazy.

So I go down the stairs holding my burnt hand....full-on aprehension. I'm looking at the remnants of the vaccum on the landing....no cat.

I just finished calling it again, to no avail. The fucking thing is probably taking a shit somewhere....

Hooray.

Guess I'll try a can of tuna.

[LoungeMachine]

Originally posted by rustoffa
Guess I'll try a can of tuna.

A damp cloth applied directly to the burn, and a shot of Johnnie Walker Blue would work better.

But hey, if the tuna helps......

[Flash Bastard]

One time I was installing a a/c window unit when it slipped out and tumbled directly onto my cat who was napping below.

Nine lives my ass.

[rustoffa]

It's go time.

I just got asked what the burnt smell is.

[LoungeMachine]

Originally posted by rustoffa
It's go time.

I just got asked what the burnt smell is.

Blame it on the tuna.

That's what I'd do.

[rustoffa]

The dog just got OWNED bigtime.

I explained that I threw the vaccum @ the dog, 'cause it was about to kill the cat.

She's all like, "what happened to your hand?"

I'm like, "the stupid fucking rug caused this sonic nausea, and made the dog go crazy...I burned my hand trying to save the rug."

She's like, "WHERE'S THE CAT?"

I go, "MY FUCKING HAND IS TOAST, AND YOU WANNA KNOW ABOUT THE CAT?"

oh shit....hold on.

[LoungeMachine]

* plays in the background whilst stoffa 'splains some more to mrs. stoffa*


Cats In The Kettle

Did you ever think when you eat Chinese?
It ain’t pork or chicken but a fat Siamese
Yet the food tastes great so you don’t complain
But that’s not chicken in you chicken chow mien
Seems to me I ordered sweet ‘n sour pork
But Garfield’s on my fork
He’s purring here on my fork

There’s a cat in the kettle at the Peking Moon
The place that I eat everyday at noon
They could feed you cat and you’ll never know
Once they wrap it up in dough, boys
They fry it real crisp in dough

Chow Lin asked if I wanted more
As he was dialing up his buddy at the old pet store
I said, “Not today I lost my appetite.
There’s two cats in my belly and they want to fight.”
I was suckin’ on a Rolaid and a Tums or two
When I swear I heard it meow
And that is when I knew

There’s a cat in the kettle at the Peking Moon
Think I gotta stop eatin’ there at noon
They say that it’s beef or fish or pork
But it’s purring there on my fork
There’s a hairball on my fork

[Satan]

Originally posted by Flash Bastard
One time I was installing a a/c window unit when it slipped out and tumbled directly onto my cat who was napping below.

Nine lives my ass.

Tell me about it. When I installed my 66,600 BTU A/C in my office here in Hell, it slipped out of the cabinet. Missed my right cloven hoof by only inches, but managed to hit one of my dragons who was sleeping peacefully until that ton of steel landed on his head.

He wasn't happy. I was dancing to avoid the flames for about a half hour.

I'm sure the cat's ok. Will probably hate him (and vaccum cleaners) for life, but otherwise fine.

[Hardrock69]

Hey Satan.

Whuts up?

The Republicans keeping ya busy as usual?

[Satan]

Originally posted by Hardrock69
Hey Satan.

Whuts up?

The Republicans keeping ya busy as usual?

No shit. You would think Hell would greatly benefit from such an evil cabal of thugs in charge of your country.

Why did they have to put that dumbass Chimp in the front of the stage though? I can't believe some people have actually thought that idiot could be my son, the Antichrist.

[Hardrock69]

Well, ya know...some people are influenced enough that they are blind to the truth...

[bueno bob]

Mmm, can't say I have. I did throw a vacuum cleaner at Joe Thunder once, though.

[Satan]

Originally posted by bueno bob
Mmm, can't say I have. I did throw a vacuum cleaner at Joe Thunder once, though.

And considering what he did with it, you probably didn't want the vacuum back after that.

[bueno bob]

Originally posted by Satan
And considering what he did with it, you probably didn't want the vacuum back after that.

He offered to wash it...I told him to wash himself for a change...

[Nitro Express]

Our dog has a habbit of killing cats that come into our property and she has a nasty habbit of burying the corpse in the kids sandbox.