Real Life Algebra: Human + Wild Animal = DEATH!!!

[Hardrock69]

*Begin Rant Here*

WHAT IN THE FUCK IS IT WITH THESE STOOPID FUCKING PEOPLE WHO GO OUT INTO THE WILDERNESS WITH A FUCKING VIDEO CAMERA AND DECIDE THEY NEED TO GET REEEALLY CLOSE TO SOME HUGE, VICIOUS, POISONOUS, OR OTHERWISE DANGEROUS ANIMAL?

CASE IN POINT IS THE MOST RECENT FAMOUS EXAMPLE: THE DUMBASS FUCKING GRIZZLY BEAR NUTJOB!!!

THIS STOOPID BASTARD DECIDES HE IS GOING TO GO HANG OUT WITH GRIZZLY BEARS....WITH NO PROTECTION WHATSOEVER!!!

THESE FUCKERS ARE WHAT, 1500 TO 2500 POUNDS? AND THEY ARE CARNIVORES!!!! :eek: :eek: :eek:

SO NOT ONLY IS THIS DUMBASS SO FUCKING STOOPID THAT HE GETS HIMSELF RIPPED TO SHREDS, HE JUST HAS TO BRING ALONG HIS DUMBASS FUCKING GIRLFRIEND AS WELL!!!


HEY LET'S GIVE THIS GRIZZLY A HUMAN DINNER!!! TWO FOR THE PRICE OF ONE!!!!

THAT DUMBASS BEAR ASSHOLE DESERVED TO GET CHOMPED!

WHY???

NATURAL SELECTION!

SOME PEOPLE SUFFER FROM TERMINAL STUPIDITY!!!

THEY ARE SO STUPID THAT THEY DIE FROM IT! THUS LEAVING MORE RESOURCES (like air, food, water, and Van Halen) FOR THE REST OF US!!!!

IF I WERE DUMB ENOUGH TO GET WITHIN 25 FEET OF A WILD GRIZZLY, OR WITHIN 5 FEET OF A FUCKING COBRA, OR WITHIN HALF A MILE OF A PRIDE OF FUCKING RAVENOUS LIONS, I WOULD STILL BE SMART ENOUGH TO AT LEAST BE ARMED WITH A BAZOOKA, SOME HAND GRENADES, A FLAME THROWER, A MINI-GATLING GUN, A RAZOR SHARP MACHETE, AND A TRAINED ATTACK ELEPHANT!!

THERE IS A SHOW ON AMINUL PLANET RIGHT NOW....THIS FUCKING AUSTRALIAN (WHY ARE ALL THESE REPTILE IDIOTS FROM AUSTRALIA?) FUCKHEAD IS IN BRAZIL.....WHAT IS HE DOING? HE IS FLOATING IN A POND NEXT TO AN ANACONDA....HE INTERRUPTS THE FUCKER AS IT IS TRYING TO DEVOUR AN ENTIRE STORK!!!

DOES THIS SEEM LIKE THE MOST INTELLIGENT ACTIVITY TO YOU?


I SEE RETARDS LIKE CROCODILE HUNTER, OR HIS FUCKING DUMBASS RETARDED COUSIN WHO WANTS TO JACK OFF ON AN ANACONDA AND IT MAKES ME WANNA SHOOT THE TV!!!


THE STUPID ANACONDA FUCK HAD FOUND AN 18-FOOT LONG SNAKE ON A MUD FLAT, AND WAS ON HIS HANDS AND KNEES JUST BARELY OUT OF REACH OF THE FUCKING THING THAT WAS TRYING TO BITE HIM, ATTEMPTING TO CATCH THE THING WITH HIS BARE HANDS, AND OF COURSE THE FOOL GOT CARELESS AND THE THING BIT THE CORNER OF HIS SHIRT.....RIGHT NEXT TO HIS BALLS!!!

THIS DUMB FUCK ALMOST GOT HIS DICK RIPPED OFF BY A FUCKING ANACONDA! AND THEY PAY THESE FUCKTARDS GOOD MONEY TO DO STUPID SHIT LIKE THIS, SO WE CAN ALL MARVEL AT THEIR STOOPIDITY, AND THEN I CAN GET ON HERE AND POST A LENGTHY AND UTTERLY DUMB RANT ABOUT HOW MUCH I HATE THEM!!!

I SAW A VIDEO ON THE INTERNET A COUPLE OF YEARS AGO...SOME FUCKING FAMILY WAS IN AFRICA ON A SAFARI....THEY WERE ALL IN A LAND ROVER OUT ON SOME ROAD IN THE BUSH AND THEY HAD PULLED UP ALONGSIDE A PRIDE OF LIONESSES BY THE ROAD.....AND THE STUPID MAN IS SAYING SOME DUMB SHIT LIKE "THEY LOOK SO MAGNIFICENT I HAVE TO GET A PICTURE" AND NEXT THING YA KNOW THE FUCKHEAD IS ABOUT 10 FEET FROM A LIONESS WHO IS BIGGER THAN HE IS....AND SHE FUCKING LEAPS UP AND GRABS THE DUDES HEAD IN HER MOUTH AND RUNS OFF INTO THE BRUSH WITH HIM! AND THE FUCKING FAMILY IS FREAKING AND CRYING AND SHIT!!!

GOOD FOR THEM!

TO HAVE SUCH AN IDIOT AS A HUSBAND AND FATHER MUST BE THE WORST POSSIBLE EXISTENCE THERE COULD BE!!
IT MUST SUCK FUCKING ASS TO HAVE TO LIVE WITH A FUCKING MORON LIKE THAT!! (well...not any more lol).

SO HOORAY!!! THE LIONESS REMOVED THE DUDE FROM THEIR LIVES, THEY PROBABLY GOT A GREAT INSURANCE SETTLEMENT OUT OF IT AND NO LONGER HAVE TO SUFFER FROM HIS IDIOCY!!

So, in a nutshell, if there are people on Earth who are THAT fucking STUPID, they deserve to die.

*end rant here*

[binnie]

I love it when people think they can outrun bears, like because they are big they must be slow!



WRONG


Also, people think herbivores will be nice and friendly!


If you go near a Hippopotamus or an elephant, chances are it will kill you, as it doesn't know what you are!


Fantastic rant btw...

[sadaist]

Post some links to these clips. I remember the guy that covered himself in female deer urine and then approached a huge buck to see what would happen. He got his ass kicked sideways by this thing.



Q: What is every rednecks last words?





A: Hey y'all, watch this!

[Hardrock69]

http://www.metacafe.com/watch/21170/...a_lion_horror/

http://www.youtube.com/watch?search=Eaten&v=Kkfmcof6SqI

Been awhile since I saw it.

He does not get drug off into the bush like I remembered.

He gets eaten RIGHT THERE!


Here are some other vids of stoopid people getting attacked by animals:

Elephant attacks car with dumbasses inside:

http://www.guzer.com/videos/elephant_attacks_car.php

Some fucking hunters get attacked by a lion:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hQsTG...nimal%20Attack

Here is a compilation vid of humans being attacked by animals:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3lWDC...nimal%20Attack


Here is some grate vid of a fucking dumbass getting attacked by a leapord after he pokes it with a stick and pisses it off:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=miVtk...nimal%20Attack

Chick swimming in the ocean (full of predators) gets attacked by a shark:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eS8t2...Shark%20Attack

[m_dixon1984]

Of course there's always the Darwin Award winners to keep us amused: http://www.darwinawards.com/

M

[Hardrock69]

I mentioned recently a Far Side comic that I love.

Two guys in a room, with a trap door in the floor.

The door is open and a T-Rex is poking it's head up out of it.

One guys says something like:

"I bet you a dollar he won't bite!"

And the caption reads something like:
"Jeb loses a dollar".

[Hardrock69]

Yeah the Darwin awards....all of these idiots killed by wild animals deserve to be in the running.....

The Darwin Awards addresses the very thing I posted above: Terminal Stupidity.



Here is a perfect example from that site. Reminiscent of the idiot who tried to convert some lions in Taiwan to Christianity last year:

(Late 1989s, Australia) A rather impressionable student of kung fu listened with rapt attention when his instructor dramatically informed the class, "Now that you have reached this level in your training, you can kill wild animals with your bare hands!"

The martial arts trainee took the statement as gospel, and headed to the Melbourne zoo to test his mettle with the wildest animal of all: the lion. In the dead of night, he slipped into the zoo, leapt into the lion enclosure, and engaged a suitable king of the jungle in combat.

He would probably have lost a one-on-one fight, but he never got to try. His naive fight plan didn't account for the enthusiasm of the lion's pride for a tender intruder; nor did it give sufficient weight to the possibility that his instructor didn't know what the hell he was talking about.

Zoo employees found his remains -- two arms and hands -- the following morning, with shreds of red fur grasped tightly in his fingers.


http://darwinawards.com/darwin/darwin1994-13.html


And just one more, and I am done with this topic for today:

(November 1999, Singapore) A bus full of excited children can drive anyone to the brink of madness. Perhaps the actions of one bus driver can be explained by his proximity to a herd of shrieking kids.

Xu, 41, was one of 13 tour drivers hired to escort a school tour through the Shanghai World Animals Park. His bus unexpectedly broke down as the convoy passed through a fenced tiger enclosure. You can imagine the hubbub this would cause among a group of students on a wild animal adventure. Needless to say, the park rules clearly forbid leaving the safety of the vehicle.

I can imagine a circumstance in which such a breakdown would be cause to panic. For instance, if you sneak into the park just before it closes in a convertible with a flimsy cloth covering, and you are accompanied by a date who is chomping rare steak, then waiting in the vehicle for rescue from the tigers would not be an attractive option. But a bus that is part of a convoy of school children is not in imminent danger of being abandoned to the tigers. Xu must have realized that help would come swiftly.

But instead of waiting inside, besieged by a clamor of children, he climbed out of the bus and began to re-attach the tow rope. A park manager witnessed the deadly incident. The children watched in horror while tigers savagely attacked their driver. Their screams summoned a nearby trainer, who drove the tigers from their victim, but it was too late to save Xu from the deadly effects of bites to his neck.

As a consolation prize, his death provided a memorable example to the children of the danger of stupidity in action.

http://darwinawards.com/darwin/darwin1999-51.html

[binnie]

The guy on the second lion video, where they are hunting, is a lucky fucker.

If you watch the slow motion, the lion looses its footing as it jumps!

If it hadn't, that would have been one dead guy!


The huntng one pissed me off - how much of an asshole do you have to be hunt lions?

And then they are all high fiving each other at the end, because they killed something with a gun - so fuckin what pussies.

Damn I'd like to clip people like that in the teeth.


However, all the other vid are funny as hell. I particuarly like the elephant one!

[jcook11]

Without these buffoons where would we get our entertainment?

[thome]

It's because of Movies like -Babe- the little talking pig.It's giving
animals dominion over humans and people see things wrong.
babe is a cute movie, i hope you can grasp my point.

I saw Bear Dude on Letteman about three weeks before he got ate
i couldn't believe the BS spewing frome his Granola, Veegan, head!There is also a full length movie by his family(his films and photos) i guess to try and
justify all the money he spent wasting his life praying to Bears
and willing to be passed out ones ass with couple Salmon and some juniper berries.It's produced all soft with compasion for i guy who was warned repeatedly!

It's because people think Animals talk have human characteristics and deserve Human Rites and such.

The PETA movement has a hand in alot of this and i do not forgive them.

I have lived your Rant word for word for many years but could not
have written it as well as you.

5

[jcook11]

Originally posted by thome
It's because of Movies like -Babe- the little talking pig.It's giving
animals dominion over humans and people see things wrong.
babe is a cute movie, i hope you can grasp my point.

I saw Bear Dude on Letteman about three weeks before he got ate
i couldn't believe the BS spewing frome his Granola, Veegan, head!There is also a full length movie by his family(his films and photos) i guess to try and
justify all the money he spent wasting his life praying to Bears
and willing to be passed out ones ass with couple Salmon and some juniper berries.It's produced all soft with compasion for i guy who was warned repeatedly!

It's because people think Animals talk have human characteristics and deserve Human Rites and such.

The PETA movement has a hand in alot of this and i do not forgive them.

I have lived your Rant word for word for many years but could not
have written it as well as you.

5

[Cathedral]

That's fucked, the kids that watched Daddy get munched are probably still in therapy.

I've walked across the ridge and seen a black bear on our land before, but my ass instantly turned and went the other way, very slowly.

I didn' say, "Ooooh, look, a bear, lets get pictures!"

It pays to be alert in rural places, and copperheads used to nest in our Hay loft. i've uncovered several growing up.

I never had to ask why all the adults put on a side arm before bailing the hay after my first time helping.

The world is full of fucking idiot's...Curiosity kills more than cats.

[Ozzy Fudd]

Originally posted by Hardrock69
http://www.metacafe.com/watch/21170/...a_lion_horror/

http://www.youtube.com/watch?search=Eaten&v=Kkfmcof6SqI

Been awhile since I saw it.

He does not get drug off into the bush like I remembered.

He gets eaten RIGHT THERE!


Here are some other vids of stoopid people getting attacked by animals:

Elephant attacks car with dumbasses inside:

http://www.guzer.com/videos/elephant_attacks_car.php

Some fucking hunters get attacked by a lion:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hQsTG...nimal%20Attack

Here is a compilation vid of humans being attacked by animals:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3lWDC...nimal%20Attack


Here is some grate vid of a fucking dumbass getting attacked by a leapord after he pokes it with a stick and pisses it off:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=miVtk...nimal%20Attack

Chick swimming in the ocean (full of predators) gets attacked by a shark:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eS8t2...Shark%20Attack

i love YouTube...and stooooopid people

[Hardrock69]

Kinda interesting how stoopid peepul make great entertainment for the rest of us as they unwitting go about causing their own demise...