Dating a shy girl...

**Ally_Kat** · 08-13-2007, 12:35 AM

So she's shy. If she's willing to hang out with ya, then she must like ya.

I don't understand what the confusion is about. The only thing I can think of is that you are confused because you haven't gotten into her pants yet. If so, then you need to re-evaluate why you're with her, hun.

**Dan** · 08-13-2007, 12:40 AM

Originally posted by NATEDOG001976
Wow, Where to start.

I've been dating this girl now since early June, and in this time we have had a pretty good time. We have been on about 6 dates, all were fun. And this weekend she came up to my cabin for boating on the lake and to have some fun. In this time I have only kissed her 1 time! She is very, very shy......the one time I did kiss her, I kinda had to sneek it and it was just a peck. I figured i would just play it cool this weekend, I didn't make any moves at all and just showed her a good time. I'm just running out of idea's, she seems like she really likes me but I'm just scratching my head on how to figure her out, she gladly accepts going out with me, she must trust me if she rode along 300 miles in my car to my cabin. I'm lost here!

Being Shy is Good.

**Nickdfresh** · 08-13-2007, 12:44 AM

Maybe it's time you had "the talk" with her?

**shaggydoo** · 08-13-2007, 12:45 AM

Nate, that's just beautiful, difficult but beautiful!!! You both like, AND RESPECT this girl, by accomodating to her shyness... GOOD FOR YOU! I can feel your frustration though, that you would dearly love to go further with her, but you're sensitive to her shyness and don't want to cause her discomfort or distress due to her being so very shy.

So, when you say "I'm just scratching my head on how to figure her out", well I'd have to say that you're not going to get an answer of worth from any person here that is going to be anywhere near as good as an answer from one person... HER! Yep, you're gonna have to "talk" to her, really talk to her, and more importantly listen to what she's got to say back to you. Only she can tell you, give you the clues, as to what she wants and needs to move forward.

I'd be inclined to set up another date with her, something non threatening like a picnic, where there's ample opportunity to talk. You need to be honest and open with her to broach the subjects of her shyness, what your feelings toward her are, and that you would like to move forward. Don't pressure her though, ask her for her help to move forward, but at a pace she feels comfortable with. I know you don't want to hear this but, being patient and showing you can wait for her may actually get you further faster, but you MUST talk to her so that she knows you want to go further.

Nate, you already got 6 dates with a very shy girl... that's a significant achievement. You now need to ask her, because she is the key!

**NATEDOG001976** · 08-13-2007, 12:51 AM

Originally posted by Ally_Kat
So she's shy. If she's willing to hang out with ya, then she must like ya.

I don't understand what the confusion is about. The only thing I can think of is that you are confused because you haven't gotten into her pants yet. If so, then you need to re-evaluate why you're with her, hun.

Yes, I'd like to get in her pants, she's dam fine! But that's not all I'm looking for, I like her.

**Dan** · 08-13-2007, 12:52 AM

Originally posted by shaggydoo
Nate, that's just beautiful, difficult but beautiful!!! You both like, AND RESPECT this girl, by accomodating to her shyness... GOOD FOR YOU! I can feel your frustration though, that you would dearly love to go further with her, but you're sensitive to her shyness and don't want to cause her discomfort or distress due to her being so very shy.

So, when you say "I'm just scratching my head on how to figure her out", well I'd have to say that you're not going to get an answer of worth from any person here that is going to be anywhere near as good as an answer from one person... HER! Yep, you're gonna have to "talk" to her, really talk to her, and more importantly listen to what she's got to say back to you. Only she can tell you, give you the clues, as to what she wants and needs to move forward.

I'd be inclined to set up another date with her, something non threatening like a picnic, where there's ample opportunity to talk. You need to be honest and open with her to broach the subjects of her shyness, what your feelings toward her are, and that you would like to move forward. Don't pressure her though, ask her for her help to move forward, but at a pace she feels comfortable with. I know you don't want to hear this but, being patient and showing you can wait for her may actually get you further faster, but you MUST talk to her so that she knows you want to go further.

Nate, you already got 6 dates with a very shy girl... that's a significant achievement. You now need to ask her, because she is the key!

Holy Shit,This Is A Great Post.

**Ally_Kat** · 08-13-2007, 12:54 AM

Originally posted by shaggydoo
Nate, that's just beautiful, difficult but beautiful!!! You both like, AND RESPECT this girl, by accomodating to her shyness... GOOD FOR YOU! I can feel your frustration though, that you would dearly love to go further with her, but you're sensitive to her shyness and don't want to cause her discomfort or distress due to her being so very shy.

So, when you say "I'm just scratching my head on how to figure her out", well I'd have to say that you're not going to get an answer of worth from any person here that is going to be anywhere near as good as an answer from one person... HER! Yep, you're gonna have to "talk" to her, really talk to her, and more importantly listen to what she's got to say back to you. Only she can tell you, give you the clues, as to what she wants and needs to move forward.

I'd be inclined to set up another date with her, something non threatening like a picnic, where there's ample opportunity to talk. You need to be honest and open with her to broach the subjects of her shyness, what your feelings toward her are, and that you would like to move forward. Don't pressure her though, ask her for her help to move forward, but at a pace she feels comfortable with. I know you don't want to hear this but, being patient and showing you can wait for her may actually get you further faster, but you MUST talk to her so that she knows you want to go further.

Nate, you already got 6 dates with a very shy girl... that's a significant achievement. You now need to ask her, because she is the key!

Dude, as a shy/goody-two-shoes girl myself, that will do nothing but clam her up.

It's a self esteem thing. What you need to do is build up her confidence. Tell her she's pretty, compliment on stuff (like, "shit, I didn't know you could throw a curveball like that.") and all that stuff. Once you've done that and once you've gotten her to talk a bit about other stuff more freely on her own accord, can you even approach the whole, "hey, you're kinda shy. What gives?"

If Nate's problem is that his dick hasn't gotten wet yet, which it's kinda coming off as, he needs to re-evaulate why he's in this relationship and possible not be with her, because that's not the kind of relationship a shy girl needs. It'll just fuck her up worse for the next guy who rolls around.

**shaggydoo** · 08-13-2007, 12:55 AM

Originally posted by Ally_Kat
So she's shy. If she's willing to hang out with ya, then she must like ya.

I don't understand what the confusion is about. The only thing I can think of is that you are confused because you haven't gotten into her pants yet. If so, then you need to re-evaluate why you're with her, hun.

He hasn't gotten into her pants yet because he has ethics and integrity, and because he obviously cares about this girl. Getting into her pants is not as important as getting into her heart... and staying there!

**Ally_Kat** · 08-13-2007, 01:01 AM

Originally posted by NATEDOG001976
Yes, I'd like to get in her pants, she's dam fine! But that's not all I'm looking for, I like her.

Then get it out of your head, cuz it'll take longer than your current 2 1/2 months to do it.

If you really like her, then you are going to have to have a lot of patience and be forgiving. She'll probably mentally beat herself up during the course of a date. When she gets all quiet and clams up, she's most likely doing just that. DOn't point it out to or ask if she's ding that. Make a mental note and try to re-engage her.

You are going to have to be the initiator for conversation and activities. And you are going to have to be the re-assurer and build up confidence and trust.

This isn't an overnight thing.

**NATEDOG001976** · 08-13-2007, 01:03 AM

Originally posted by shaggydoo
Nate, that's just beautiful, difficult but beautiful!!! You both like, AND RESPECT this girl, by accomodating to her shyness... GOOD FOR YOU! I can feel your frustration though, that you would dearly love to go further with her, but you're sensitive to her shyness and don't want to cause her discomfort or distress due to her being so very shy.

So, when you say "I'm just scratching my head on how to figure her out", well I'd have to say that you're not going to get an answer of worth from any person here that is going to be anywhere near as good as an answer from one person... HER! Yep, you're gonna have to "talk" to her, really talk to her, and more importantly listen to what she's got to say back to you. Only she can tell you, give you the clues, as to what she wants and needs to move forward.

I'd be inclined to set up another date with her, something non threatening like a picnic, where there's ample opportunity to talk. You need to be honest and open with her to broach the subjects of her shyness, what your feelings toward her are, and that you would like to move forward. Don't pressure her though, ask her for her help to move forward, but at a pace she feels comfortable with. I know you don't want to hear this but, being patient and showing you can wait for her may actually get you further faster, but you MUST talk to her so that she knows you want to go further.

Nate, you already got 6 dates with a very shy girl... that's a significant achievement. You now need to ask her, because she is the key!

That was a great post! Thanks!

But I think it would be a bad move on my part to ask her to "take it the the next level" at this point. From my experience, women start the relationship, and 99% of the time end it too. I've fucked up doing that once before, spilling my guts after like 3 months.

**Ally_Kat** · 08-13-2007, 01:07 AM

Originally posted by shaggydoo
He hasn't gotten into her pants yet because he has ethics and integrity, and because he obviously cares about this girl. Getting into her pants is not as important as getting into her heart... and staying there!

Dude, how do you even know that's the reason? Seriously. Do you go on their dates with them? Did you go to elementary school with Nate or something? This is the internet.

The girl is shy. That's going to stall any plans of getting into her pants.

Hell, maybe she's religious. (Could also be part of the dating shyness, Nate. If you don't know, you should check it out).

**NATEDOG001976** · 08-13-2007, 01:36 AM

Originally posted by Ally_Kat
Dude, how do you even know that's the reason? Seriously. Do you go on their dates with them? Did you go to elementary school with Nate or something? This is the internet.

The girl is shy. That's going to stall any plans of getting into her pants.

Hell, maybe she's religious. (Could also be part of the dating shyness, Nate. If you don't know, you should check it out).

No she is not overly religious. I've never dated anyone this shy before, so I'd thought I ask you all. And I'm not just looking for a roll in the hay....so we can put that to rest!

**Ally_Kat** · 08-13-2007, 01:53 AM

Originally posted by NATEDOG001976
No she is not overly religious. I've never dated anyone this shy before, so I'd thought I ask you all. And I'm not just looking for a roll in the hay....so we can put that to rest!

Then do as I said before: Compliment her, but genuine compliments. You don't want to come off as fake. If you see that she's claming up and being quiet for a long time, re-engage her with something. Ask for help. Share personal things/stories with her. Build up a sense of trust. Ask her questions that'll get her to talk about/explain what she's doing or how she went about something, topics that'll get her to talk. The best topics are ones where she has to explain things to you, like if she knows how to knit and asking her to show you how to do it (gay, I know, but run with me here. lol) But most importantly, be patient and never let her see frustration.

Once you build up trust, and you'll notice it because she won't be as shy around you, THEN you can have a heart-to-heart about why she tends to be a lil shy and what you can do as a couple to work this out.

And if you're looking to give affection, give lots of hugs with a kiss on the cheek. Soon enough, I'm willing to bet you won't have to sneak the smooches.

**binnie** · 08-13-2007, 02:48 AM

I wouldn't worry about it Nate, as this girl clearly really likes you: as time passes she's bound to become a little more open.

Sounds like you're really happy here, so it's worth investing the time. Don't blow it by pressuring her.....

Dating a shy girl...

Dating a shy girl...

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