'Ever since I discovered the wonderful gift that we call "women", my goal was to experience as many of them as I could, as often as I could, and make myself the best at it. Well, I'm over it. I have experienced enough. There is nothing new anymore, nothing exciting. The best thing I've found was one woman that tasted like french vanilla, and one woman that made me almost need stitches and left me unable to walk for half an hour.
But, with great success comes great failure, and I've had really bad and "sexually incompatible" misadventures as well. One girl literally said "what are you doing??" when she got put up against a wall. Are you fucking kidding me? We aren't making love, we're FUCKIN'!! Not to mention the women that don't like getting cum on them. I don't get you gals, you need to realize that you aren't princesses. Nothing ruins good sex like ending it with "WHAT THE FUCK!! YOU GOT IT ON ME!".....NO SHIT!, what do you think this is? WE'RE FUCKIN. You got yours on me. In fact, its dripping down my leg as we speak, and I love it, so shut the fuck up and play in mine like it's a rain puddle and you're five fuckin years old!!!
And then there's the women that don't move... at all. Coincidentally, it's these same women that say "Oh you couldn't handle me..." who lay there like a dying fish. You bitches know who you are too. I once fucked a girl until her lips turned blue. She got off so hard that she couldn't breathe in! And guess what she did to thank me!?!? She fuckin stayed on her back the whole time. Great teamwork bitch, now that I did all the work, you owe me $50. And then there there's the real heartless bitches.... the ones that get off once or twice... and then decide to stop. WHAT!?!?! YOU CAN'T DO THAT BITCH!!!! Hey, ya know, I'm glad you like it. I'm GLAD you're tired!!! And I'm glad you're smiling and think you just found a new fuck toy, but you know what bitch? We STARTED this as a god damn team, and we're gonna FINISH it as a team!!! There needs to be a rule that if I have to finish myself off, I get to bust one on your face. I mean, I'm not perfect; half the time, if you do so much as touch it, it'll go off in your face. But the other half of the time, it won't go at all. It's either "haha are you kidding me?" or it's "can you hurry up already?". Listen bitch, I can't fucking control him, he does what he does, and you're just along for the ride. If it's a 30 second ride, I'm sorry, we'll go again, but when it's a full length feature, I expect you stick around and tough it out.
Don't even get me STARTED on the ones that say "umm... I don't do that".....WHAT!?!?! You better, bitch!! And their response is always "well, do you like going down on me?" What? I LOVE eating pussy, are you kidding me? I just got a new toy and I'll be God damned if I'm not gonna play with it!!! But if I go down there and it tastes or smells like ANYTHING, then you can fucking forget it. For real, I wash my balls and take care of myself, why can't you!?! Sometimes it's not even a smell, it's sour like I'm eating a fuckin shock tart. HOW DOES THAT EVEN HAPPEN!? Most women are tasteless and odorless and thats how it should be, but for those of you that aren't, change your fucking diet or do something... cause I AM getting my dick sucked and you AREN'T getting the favor returned. It's not MY FAULT if you taste like the ass end of a buffet line, and I'll be damned if I'm not gonna get my cock sucked because YOU are can't bathe properly.
And lets not forget about the women with the "PRINCESS complex". The one who wants to be taken away like she's royalty and we are fucking knights in shining armor. The ones who like it soft, and slow, and wants you to stare into her eyes while your having sex. The one who thinks we should consider ourselves "lucky" to be inside her!! Bitch PLEASE tell my why you think your pussy is so magnificent? You DON'T swallow, you WON'T try it in the ass, and you'll throw a TANTRUM if my cum lands anywhere on you, let alone on your shirt. You are the same bitch that walks around with your nose in the air thinking you're a fuckin PRIZE, when in reality you don't even know how to fuck right. Fucking you is about as much fun as watching golf. So again, please, tell me WHAT THE FUCK MAKES YOU THINK YOUR PUSSY IS SO GREAT? It may be nice, but you sure as hell don't know how to use it, and you SURE AS HELL need to stop being afraid of getting dirty.
I had one girl, and this is NOT A JOKE, ask me to fall asleep inside her.....WHAT THE FUCK!??! I don't know WHAT kind of emotional issues you have that you need to feel THAT close with someone, but that doesn't just cross the line between being "romantic" and being fucking CREEPY, that hauls ass full speed ahead past that fucking line.
Lastly, we have the "DGAF" bitches!!!.....holy shit! i cant even begin... I will write a whole comedy routine on you bitches!! lets just say, you MUST give a fuck(MGAF), cause you spend way too much money and time to look just like the other DGAF sluts. and btw none of you gals know how to screw. absolutley NONE. you are seriously worse than all previously mentioned catagories of pussy. talk about "thinking your pussy is a prize", you guys are the WORST at that......really!
Ahhh... party sluts... Thanks for the decent sex and the NEEDLESS drama. Party hard, take lots of pics so everyone on myspace KNOWS just how cool you are. And dont forget the most important thing "LIVE LIFE WITH NO REGRETS!!"