Florida's Bestiality Law May Have Accidentally Outlawed Sex Entirely
First Posted: 05-11-11 07:07 PM | Updated: 05-11-11 07:30 PM
There may be some terrible news to report out of Florida today, depending on how the state's residents have collectively decided to apply the basic science of biological classification to their lives. Last week, we noted some good news: The Florida legislature had finally passed a law that would outlaw bestiality and preserve the innocence of Florida's native fauna.
At the time, I posited that only shiny-pated grifter-Governor Rick Scott could possibly foul up the effort. But over at Southern Fried Science, blogger "Andrew" points out that the law's wording has basically outlawed sex entirely:
An act relating to sexual activities involving animals; creating s. 828.126, F.S.; providing definitions; prohibiting knowing sexual conduct or sexual contact with an animal; prohibiting specified related activities; providing penalties; providing that the act does not apply to certain husbandry, conformation judging, and veterinary practices; providing an effective date.
Click here for a handy visual provided by Southern Fried Science that elucidates the fact that human beings are smack dab in the middle of the animal kingdom -- by which he means the "group of multicellular, eukaryotic organisms of the kingdom Animalia" and not the horse that won the 2011 Kentucky Derby (being "smack dab in the middle" of a thoroughbred horse is a situation the law originally intended to prevent).
Andrew ends with a quip:
So if you’re living in Florida on October 1, 2011 and would like to have sexual intercourse with a consenting adult, please check with your veterinarian or local livestock breeder first to make sure you abide by "accepted animal husbandry practices, conformation judging practices, or accepted veterinary medical practices.”
(As it happens, I already check with my veterinarian and local livestock breeder prior to intercourse, but my therapist tells me that this is a "fetish" that he'd like me to consider discontinuing.)
The Twittersphere has reacted in exactly the way you might expect:
Josh Chambers
1 of 10
@fleetadmiralj
Josh Chambers
logic time: Premise A: Humans are animals. Premise B: Florida banned having sex with any animal. Conclusion: it is illegal to have sex in FL
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Originally Posted by Nitro Express
Hell, just have the guys in Gitmo watch the video. I guarantee they'll spill any information they have after being warned of that. Death by horse is much much worse than some water up the nose.
