I know jerkin the gerkin, date with rosy palm, choking the chicken, slappin the salami.....but I need some new funny terms for jacking off. Whatcha got? Let's hear 'em.
And it's my penis....I can wash it as fast as I want!
Any less than twice a day you are only cheating yourself.
“Great losses often bring only a numb shock. To truly plunge a victim into misery, you must overwhelm him with many small sufferings.”
Women...you can play too! Hmm...what do women refer to female masturbation as? This should be good.
A five finger exercise on the spunk trumpet
Duel with the pink Darth Vadar
Originally Posted by Seshmeister
Fucking funny! THIS is what I'm talking about.
A guy I once worked with once said, "crack the carrot". I cringed. Bodily harm should not occur. I'll go with, "rub one out". No, it's not very funny, but it gets the job done.
Last edited by DLR Bridge; 05-02-2012 at 02:41 PM.
Puking the worm.
Tossing the yogurt.
Spewing the sperm.
dispensing the custard.
popping the pork.
discharging the lube gun.
blowing goo.
shooting the love gun.
making giblet gravy.
charming the snake.
Last edited by Nitro Express; 05-02-2012 at 02:49 PM.
First female one
shuffling the deck
I really love you baby, I love what you've got
Let's get together we can, Get hot
"Wank the crank". For the ladies, there is always "tickle the taco."
Incidentally, the first time I ever heard Pink Floyd's "Another Brick In The Wall", I was certain the deranged teacher at the end was saying...
If you don't beat your meat,
you can't have any pussy.
How can you have any pussy,
if you don't beat your meat?
“The greatest enemy of knowledge is not ignorance, it is the illusion of knowledge.”― Stephen Hawking
For the ladies???
"Flip the minnow"
"Roll the Bean"
First female one
shuffling the deck
No wonder I see so many female blackjack dealers in Vegas. They've been training since they were 12.
Female: Tickle the pink taco, dusting the roast beef curtains..............Male: polishing the diamond, stretching the armstrong
I prefer to call it "fucking someone I love."
Originally posted by Tiki-Tom You're one classy tattooed bombshell in my book.
Originally posted by rustoffa
Three words. WE WERE THERE.
A girl I know said her mom gave her this one important piece of advice....
NEVER use spit and circles are better.
Beating the fuck out of it
American by birth. Southern by the grace of God.
That one made me spit my Coke all over the place,Now i have to clean it up.Thanks a lot DONNIEPBeating the fuck out of it
Waxing the Dolphin
Shooting Putty at the Moon
Shameth your Sadaist
Can't Control your Future. Can't Control your Friends. The women start to hike their skirts up. I didn't have a clue. That is when I kinda learned how to smile a lot. One Two Three Fouir fun ter thehr fuur.
Ladies: Tickle the tulip. Guys: Slime the slug.
Fap! .
Trolls take heed...LOG OUT & FUCK OFF!!!
Punchin the Munchkin.
Changing the oil.
Arcing a rope.
Strangle Kojak.
knuckle shuffle.
Why settle for something you have, if it's not as good as something you're out to get?
It's like putting up a YouTube of Bach and playing Chopstix on your Bontempi...
let no one say the army aint educational
fuck your fucking framing
Punch The Clown!let no one say the army aint educational
Hey psycho, please get out of my Van Halen T-shirt before you jinx the band and they break up.
cough some kak snot.
For the ladies.....
checking for squirrels
dialing the rotary phone
drilling for oil
paddling the pink canoe
rubbin' the nubbin
For the men.......
Badgering the witness
Choke the sheriff and wait for the posse to come
Clear the snorkel
Liquidating the inventory
Spank Elvis
Haaaaa........Badgering the witness????..........HILARIOUS!!!!!!!!!
Flogging the dolphin
Exorcising the bishop
(Found this one elsewhere)Giving a handshake to russel the love muscle
Playing pocket pool
Tenderizing the meat
For the ladies...
Flicking the bean
Strangling the Hagar
Juicing the pickle
Batching the baby batter
(Made those up)
Last edited by Little Texan; 05-03-2012 at 06:56 PM.
Spank the monkey.
Remember to only spank the monkey, don't beat his fucking ass.......that would be animal abuse.
here's some material for you:
'lectrifyin' the cattle prod
launching the hand shuttle
playing tug-o-war with cyclops
polishing the helmet
stroke the oak
tug your twig
beat your meat
handle your candle
Taking matters into your own hands
writing the letter out by hand
whacking off
jerking off
jacking off
tossing off
beating off
cranking one off
Petting the one-eyed trouser snake
cuffing the carrot.
Grandpa told me that I could go blind from cuffing my carrot, so I just did it till I needed glasses.
Puke the midget
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