(in the picture, a recent, rare, shot of Eddie Van Heineken at 5150 studios )
Chad: I just want to say thanks for taking the time to do this interview and how are you feeling these days?
Eddie: Thank you for asking. I've never felt better, I'm thankful every day that I've been given a second chance in life enjoy booze and smoke cigarettes all day long.
Chad: Let's get something out of the way from the start, you're phone must ringing off he hook, it seems everyone wants to know what's going on with Van Halen. You've been silent since you came out an announced your clean bill of health a few years ago, why so quiet?
Eddie: Honestly my phone has been pretty quite the past twelve months, my buddy George Dubya just calls from time to time to see wether I am dead or not and if I will write a soundtrack for his competitor's election parties, so it'll bomb. How was called that soundtrack I wrote ? Ahh...Sweet cabernet >hic<
Chad: So tell me what the life of Eddie Van Halen has been like the last few years.
Eddie: (Laughing) You want to cover it all with one question huh? I'd say the last two years have been kind of prolonged rebirth. I have been drinking and smoking all day long.
Chad: Do you think you've been judged?
Eddie: Ha, You should see some of my fan mail. A lot of fans are supportive, but a lot of people hate me. Someone even posted a turd into an envelope with "van halen III" sliced on it. That's something I've had to come to deal with the past few years, but there's nothing a couple of glass of sweet booze can't fix.
Chad: Well there have been rumors that you've fallen off the wagon again and that may have been the cause for your split, do you want to address any of those things?
Eddie: fallen... aw... off >hic< the wagon...? [burps] ...whaddya mean... widdat?
Chad: So have been working on any new material lately?
Eddie: Honestly, I haven't picked up a guitar in a few months. But I do pick the bottle every few seconds [huge burp boasts out]
Chad: Any ideas how long that will be?
Eddie: Until there's wine in the bottle.
Chad: No one wants a repeat of Van Halen III
Eddie: Exactly and that's still my favorite album we've done.
Chad: Speaking of Dave and Sammy, what did you think of their tour?
Eddie: Those guys are more a like than anyone knows. It's funny to me that the fans are split so down the middle, both of them have giant egos, they lie. It's all about me-me-me. I am a very down to Earth guy, instead. Indeed, I have a life off the Internet and you can easily find me drunk in a bar.
Chad: Did it upset you that they were playing mostly Van Halen covers?
Eddie: of course, that's why I raised to 4 packs of Marlboros a day.
Chad: What about Mike Anthony?
Eddie: I haven't talked to Mike in a long while, last I heard he was a part time member of Sammy Hagar's band, I think he's made his own decision there. And, besides that, he still owes me a couple of pints of Sammy's Tequila flavoured urine. Until he gets even with me on that, I won't speak with him.
Chad: Would you fire him for that?
Eddie: It's hard to fire someone who makes a statement like that. Although I am so full of air I could fire anyone just putting a couple of matches near my butt.
Chad: Well thanks for the interview, I have one last question: Where do you see yourself and your music ten years from now?
Eddie: Give me another bottle and I'll tell you [raises his pants and farts].
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