Q: How do sheep greet each other at Christmas?
A: Merry Christmas to Ewe!
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Q: What do you call a dancing sheep?
A: A baa-lerina!
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Q: What do you call a sheep that is always quiet?
A: A shhhheep!
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Q: Where did the sheep get a haircut?
A: The baa-baa shop!
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Why do Scotsmen wear kilts? So the sheep won't hear the zipper.
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Two sheep herders are flying the herd to a new farm. Suddenly, the engine fails and the plane begins to fall quickly to the ground. SH1: Quick! Grab a parachute and jump! SH2: What about the sheep?!? SH1: Fuck the sheep!!!! SH2: (pause) Do you think we have time?
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So the cowboy goes out to seek his fortune on the frontier of the old West. He finally settles on a ranching town near the very edge of civilization. So near, in fact, that there aren't any women to be found for love nor money. Well, he's young and full of hormones, and after a month, he starts getting randy, so he goes to the saloon to ask around. After a couple of sort of nervous, whispered conversations, it comes out that you use the sheep. Well, our hero isn't real happy about this, but he's really desperate. He buys a bottle to nerve himself up. He goes and finds the nearest flock, and decides that if he's going to do this at all, he's going to do it right. He spends most of the afternoon picking out the prettiest sheep in the flock. He shampoos her wool and ties ribbons around her neck. Puts a little bell on her collar. He's also getting pretty drunk. By evening, he's done cleaning up the sheep, and not thinking real clearly. He's so proud of the way the sheep looks, he decides to take her in to town and show her off at the saloon. He walks in with the sheep, and the room goes quiet. Everybody's staring at the guy. And not just staring, but kinda recoiling in shock and horror. He's ashamed, but he's drunk enough; he slurs out, "Whassamada, I thought ever'body went out to the sheep?" Finally, one old timer pipes up. "Yeah, boy, but you got the sherrif's girl."
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An Aussie journalist was in New Zealand doing stories where he saw a Kiwi farmer doing unnatural things with a sheep. He approached the Kiwi and firstly asked, "What sort of sheep is that?" He scribbled down the farmer's reply - "a Merino". The next question was, "Do you shear them?" The farmer replied hastily, "No! Go and find yer own!" (You'll need to know how a Kiwi's accent sounds to appreciate this joke!)
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Why do Welsh sheep farmers wear green Wellies? (rubber boots to Americans) So they can stick a sheep's back legs into them. Prevents them from running away while they're getting screwed.
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Why do Welsh sheep farmers like to screw sheep on the edge of cliffs? Because they push back so nicely.
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A young man moves to a village in Wales and gets talking to an old man from the village. He asks the old man what his name is; the old man gets very irate at this point and says: "See that line of houses over there? I built them all, but do they call me Jones the house builder? Do they hell! See those railway lines over there? I laid them all, but do they call me Jones the engineer? Do they hell! See those bridges over that river? I built them all, but do they call me Jones the bridge builder? Do they hell! But, a long long time ago, I fucked *one* sheep..."
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How do you get virgin wool? From ugly sheep.
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If a sheep is a ram and a mule is an ass, how come a ram in the ass is a goose?
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