Star Gunt

[Rikk]

Fookin' ace! Of course, you just redid one of the ones I did, but brilliant nonetheless. And the first was also hilarious!!:p

MORE!! I'll be gone for most of the day, but more!!:p

[bueno bob]

Originally posted by Rikk
Of course, you just redid one of the ones I did, but brilliant nonetheless.

Apologies But it was just too good to pass up...

More coming...

[bueno bob]

FLAB: "Welcome, young Rikk. My Gunts been expecting you."

Rikk peers at the massive figure defiantly. The Guntress then looks down at Rikk's binders.

FLAB: "You no longer need those."

The Guntress motions ever so slightly with her emormous finger and Rikk's binders fall away, clattering to the floor. Rikk looks down at
his own hands, free now to reach out and grab the Guntress's neck. He does nothing.

FLAB: "Guards, leave us."

The red-cloaked guards turn and disappear behind the elevator.

FLAB: "I'm looking forward to completing your training in the ways of the Gunt. In time you will call me Guntress."

RIKK: "You're gravely mistaken. You won't convert me as you did Pete."

The Guntress gets down from his throne and walks up very close to
Rikk. The Guntress looks into his eyes and, for the first time, Rikk can perceive the evil visage within the hood.

FLAB: "Oh, no, my young Sheep Pen Administrator. You will find that it
is you who are mistaken...about a great many things. But mostly about my Gunt."

PETE: "His Pensaber."

Pete extends a gloved hand toward the Guntress, revealing Rikk's
Pensaber. The Guntress takes it.

FLAB: "Ah, yes, a Sheep Pen Administrator's weapon. Much like Bueno Bob's. By now you must know that Pete can never be turned from the Gunt side. So will it be with you."

RIKK: "You're wrong. Soon I'll be BANNED...and you with me."

The Guntress laughs.

FLAB: "Perhaps you refer to the imminent attack of your Sheep Pen Staff."

Rikk looks up sharply.

FLAB: "Yes...I assure you my Gunt is quite safe from your friends here."

Pete looks at Rikk.

RIKK: "Your overconfidence in your Gunt is your weakness."

FLAB: "Your faith in your Sheep Pen is yours."

PETE: "It is pointless to resist her Gunt, Rikk."

The Guntress turns to face Rikk.

FLAB: "Everything that has transpired with my Gunt has done according to my design. Your friends up there in the Sheep Pen..."

Rikk reacts. The Guntress notes it.

FLAB: "...are walking into a trap. As is your Death Squad of Merle, Ed,
Carl and the Doc! It was I who allowed the ENTIRE INTERNET to know the location of my Gunt. It is quite safe from your pitiful little band. An entire legion of my best crabs awaits them."

Rikk's look darts from the Guntress to Pete and, finally, to the
Sheep Pen Correctional Tool in the Guntress's hand.

FLAB: "Oh...I'm afraid my Gunt's deflector shield will be quite operational when your friends arrive."


.................................................. .....


OH, THE HUMANITY!! WHATEVER WILL RIKK DO? WILL HE GIVE IN TO HIS BASEST URGES AND STRIKE THE FABULOUS GUNTRESS DOWN IN A FIT OF RAGE? WILL THE SHEEP PEN BE DOOMED??? FIND OUT SOON!!!

[Warham]

RIKK: FLAB, I should have expected to find you holding PETE's leash. I recognized your GUNT's foul stench when I was brought on board.
FLAB: Charming to the last. You don't know how hard I found it, signing the order to edit your IM's.
RIKK: I'm not suprised you were deranged enough to do it.
FLAB: RIKK, before you are exposed to the Army, you will join me at a cyber sex ceremony that will make this GUNT fully operational. No Sheep Pen admin will dare oppose me now.
RIKK: The more you try to stick that smelly GUNT in their face, FLAB, the more Sheep Pen admins will pinch their nostrils with their fingers.

[MAX]

You guys are killing me!!!

LMAO!!!

More! More!

[Warham]

A few hours ago on a forum dedicated to a legendary frontman...

::cue John Williams score::

It is a period of Roth Army war. Fraudulent IM's, striking from a suspicious IP, have been posted against the cunning Sheep Pen Leader RIKK. During the battle, Roth Army mods managed to discover the real leader behind the attack, FLAB, a sprawling mass of flesh with enough pussy stank to destroy an entire planet. PETE, FLAB's drunk agent, races home to log in, hopeful to score some cyber from the gunt and chug down a 40 ouncer...

[tjvhou812]

pete: the gunt is shooting out pounds of sperm a second
i cant swallow no more

[bueno bob]

FLAB: "Come, boy. See my Gunt for yourself."

The Guntress is sitting in her throne, with Pete standing at her side. Rikk moves to look through a small section of the window.

FLAB: "From here you will witness the final destruction of the Sheep Pen, and the end of your insignificant Roth Army Forums!"

Rikk is in torment. He glances at his Pensaber sitting on the armrest of the throne. The Guntress watches him and smiles, touches the Pensaber.

FLAB: "You want this, don't you? The hate is swelling in my Gunt now. Take your Sheep Pen weapon. Use it. I am unarmed, except for my Gunt. Put it inside of me! Give in to your anger. With each passing
moment, you make yourself more my Gunt's servant!"

Pete watches Rikk in his agony.

RIKK: "No!"

FLAB: "My Gunt is unavoidable. My Gunt is your destiny. You, like Pete,
are now mine!"

FLAB: "Your Sheep Pen has lost. And your friends on the Roth Army Forums will not get me banned. There is no escape from my Gunt, my young Rikk. The Army will fail...as will your friends."

Rikk's eyes are full of rage. Pete watches him.

FLAB: "Good. I can feel your anger towards my Gunt. I am defenseless, except for my Gunt. Take your Sheep Pen weapon! Strike my Gunt down with all your hatred, and your journey towards the Gunt side will be complete!"

Rikk can resist no longer. The Pensaber flies into his hand. He ignites it in an instant and swings at the Guntress. Pete's Fagsaber flashes into view, blocking Rikk's blow before it can reach the Guntress. The two blades spark at contact. Rikk turns to fight the Guntress' lover.

.................................................. ...................


To be concluded...

[bueno bob]

Rikk and Pete are engaged in a man-to-man duel of sabers (God, that sounds gross). But the young Rikk has grown strong, and now the advantage shifts to him. Pete is forced back, losing his balance, and is knocked down the stairs. Rikk stands at the top of the stairs, ready to attack.

FLAB: "Good! Use your Guntlike feelings, boy! Let the Gunt flow through you!"

Rikk looks momentarily toward the Guntress, then back to Pete, and realizes he is using the Gunt side. He steps back, turns off his Pensaber, and relaxes, driving the Gunt from his being.

PETE: "Bueno Bob has taught you well."

RIKK: "I will not fight you, Pete. I will kick your ass later, of course, but for now, my battle is against Flab, but I must not use the Gunt side to defeat her."

Pete walks back up the stairs to Rikk.

PETE: "You are unwise to lower your defenses! And not bring me booze!"

Pete attacks, forcing Rikk on the defensive. The young Rikk leaps in an amazing reverse flip up to the safety of the catwalk overhead. Pete stands below him.

RIKK: "Your thoughts betray you, Pete. I smell the booze upon you...the smell of your sister's gunt, too."

PETE: "There is no sister's gunt!"

RIKK: "You couldn't bring yourself to stay sober before, and I don't believe you'll stay sober now."

PETE: "You underestimate the power of cybering with Fab. If you will not enjoy her gunt, then you will meet your destiny!"

Pete throws the Guntsaber and it cuts through the supports holding the catwalk, then returns to Pete's hand. Rikk tumbles to the ground in a shower of sparks and rolls out of sight under the Guntresses platform. Pete moves to find him.

FLAB: "Good. Good."


PETE: "You cannot post forever, Rikk."

RIKK: "I will not drink with you!"

PETE: "Give yourself to the Gunt side. It is the only way you can save your Sheep Pen. Yes, your thoughts betray you. Your feelings for them are strong. Especially for..."

Pete stops and senses something. Rikk shuts his eyes tightly, in anguish.

PETE: "Nirvana? What the fuck? Well, your feelings have now betrayed them, too. Bueno Bob was wise to hide this from me. Now his failure is complete."

Bueno Bob pops out from behind a wall with a keyboard in his hand and types this: FUCK YOU, PETE!

PETE: "If you will not turn to the Gunt side, then perhaps they will!"

RIKK: "Never-r-r!"

Rikk ignites his Pensaber and screams in anger, rushing at Pete with a frenzy. Sparks fly as Rikk and Pete fight in the cramped area. Rikk's hatred forces Pete to retreat out of the low area and across a bridge overlooking a vast elevator shaft. Each stroke of Rikk's sword drives Pete further toward defeat.

Pete is knocked to his knees, and as he raises his sword to block another onslaught, Rikk slashes Pete's right hand off at the wrist. Pete's Fagsaber clatters uselessly away, over the edge of the platform and into the bottomless shaft below. Rikk moves over Pete and holds the blade of his sword to Pete's throat. The Guntress watches with uncontrollable, pleased agitation.

FLAB: "Good! My Gunt has made you powerful! Now, fulfill your destiny and take Pete's cyber-place at your computer!"

RIKK: "Never. I'll never turn to the Gunt side. You've failed, Your Bitch-ness. I am a Sheep Pen Administrator, like Guwapo Rocker at about the same time as me."

The Guntresses glee turns to rage.

FLAB: "So be it...Sheep Pen Administrator."

FLAB: "If you will not hail my Gunt, you will be destroyed!"

Blinding bolts of energy, evil lightning, shoot from the Guntresses Gunt at Rikk. Rikk, not surprised at all, deflects them with the power of his Pensaber.

FLAB: "You're supposed to throw that away!!"

RIKK: "I'm smarter than that other guy."

The wounded Pete struggles to his feet, and moves to stand at his Gunt Mistresses side.

FLAB: "Fool!! Now, at the end, you were supposed to understand!"

RIKK: "Guess it didn't work out quite the way your Gunt planned it would, hmm?"

FLAB: "Your feeble skills are no match for the power of the Gunt side. You will pay the price for your lack of vision and be BANNED!!!"

RIKK: "Pete, please. Go cyber with this bitch or something."

Again Pete stands, watching Rikk. He looks at his mistress, the
Guntress, then back to Rikk on the floor.

FLAB: "Now, young Administrator...you will worship my Gunt!!"

Pete grabs the Guntress from behind, fighting for control of the
robed figure despite his weakened body and gravely weakened arm. The Guntress struggles in his embrace, her bolt-shooting Gunt now lifted high, away from Rikk. Now the white lightning arcs back to strike at Pete. He stumbles with his load as the sparks rain off. He holds his evil mistress high over his head and walks to the edge of the abyss at the central core of the throne room. With one final burst, Pete hurls
the Guntresses body into the bottomless shaft. As she falls, she screams "I have an IP scrambler and I'll never cyber with you again, Pete!!"

Rikk walks over to the collapsed form of Pete.

RIKK: "Pete! I always knew you could break the power of the Gunt Side! Your good side allowed you to ban the bitch!"

PETE: "Actually, years of alcohol abuse have wrecked my vision - I thought I was throwing YOU down the shaft of BANNING."

Rikk considers this, and suddenly kicks Pete in the head, and Pete falls down into the pit of BANNED as well!


THE FUCKIN' END!

[Sarge's Little Helper]

Rikk and Pete are engaged in a man-to-man duel of sabers (God, that sounds gross). But the young Rikk has grown strong, and now the advantage shifts to him. Pete is forced back, losing his balance, and is knocked down the stairs. Rikk stands at the top of the stairs, ready to attack.

FLAB: "Good! Use your Guntlike feelings, boy! Let the Gunt flow through you!"

Rikk looks momentarily toward the Guntress, then back to Pete, and realizes he is using the Gunt side. He steps back, turns off his Pensaber, and relaxes, driving the Gunt from his being.

PETE: "Bueno Bob has taught you well."

RIKK: "I will not fight you, Pete. I will kick your ass later, of course, but for now, my battle is against Flab, but I must not use the Gunt side to defeat her."

Pete walks back up the stairs to Rikk.

PETE: "You are unwise to lower your defenses! And not bring me booze!"

Pete attacks, forcing Rikk on the defensive. The young Rikk leaps in an amazing reverse flip up to the safety of the catwalk overhead. Pete stands below him.

RIKK: "Your thoughts betray you, Pete. I smell the booze upon you...the smell of your sister's gunt, too."

PETE: "There is no sister's gunt!"

RIKK: "You couldn't bring yourself to stay sober before, and I don't believe you'll stay sober now."

PETE: "You underestimate the power of cybering with Fab. If you will not enjoy her gunt, then you will meet your destiny!"

Pete throws the Guntsaber and it cuts through the supports holding the catwalk, then returns to Pete's hand. Rikk tumbles to the ground in a shower of sparks and rolls out of sight under the Guntresses platform. Pete moves to find him.

FLAB: "Good. Good."


PETE: "You cannot post forever, Rikk."

RIKK: "I will not drink with you!"

PETE: "Give yourself to the Gunt side. It is the only way you can save your Sheep Pen. Yes, your thoughts betray you. Your feelings for them are strong. Especially for..."

Pete stops and senses something. Rikk shuts his eyes tightly, in anguish.

PETE: "Nirvana? What the fuck? Well, your feelings have now betrayed them, too. Bueno Bob was wise to hide this from me. Now his failure is complete."

Bueno Bob pops out from behind a wall with a keyboard in his hand and types this: FUCK YOU, PETE!

PETE: "If you will not turn to the Gunt side, then perhaps they will!"

RIKK: "Never-r-r!"

Rikk ignites his Pensaber and screams in anger, rushing at Pete with a frenzy. Sparks fly as Rikk and Pete fight in the cramped area. Rikk's hatred forces Pete to retreat out of the low area and across a bridge overlooking a vast elevator shaft. Each stroke of Rikk's sword drives Pete further toward defeat.

Pete is knocked to his knees, and as he raises his sword to block another onslaught, Rikk slashes Pete's right hand off at the wrist. Pete's Fagsaber clatters uselessly away, over the edge of the platform and into the bottomless shaft below. Rikk moves over Pete and holds the blade of his sword to Pete's throat. The Guntress watches with uncontrollable, pleased agitation.

FLAB: "Good! My Gunt has made you powerful! Now, fulfill your destiny and take Pete's cyber-place at your computer!"

RIKK: "Never. I'll never turn to the Gunt side. You've failed, Your Bitch-ness. I am a Sheep Pen Administrator, like Guwapo Rocker at about the same time as me."

The Guntresses glee turns to rage.

FLAB: "So be it...Sheep Pen Administrator."

FLAB: "If you will not hail my Gunt, you will be destroyed!"

Blinding bolts of energy, evil lightning, shoot from the Guntresses Gunt at Rikk. Rikk, not surprised at all, deflects them with the power of his Pensaber.

FLAB: "You're supposed to throw that away!!"

RIKK: "I'm smarter than that other guy."

The wounded Pete struggles to his feet, and moves to stand at his Gunt Mistresses side.

FLAB: "Fool!! Now, at the end, you were supposed to understand!"

RIKK: "Guess it didn't work out quite the way your Gunt planned it would, hmm?"

FLAB: "Your feeble skills are no match for the power of the Gunt side. You will pay the price for your lack of vision and be BANNED!!!"

RIKK: "Pete, please. Go cyber with this bitch or something."

Again Pete stands, watching Rikk. He looks at his mistress, the
Guntress, then back to Rikk on the floor.

FLAB: "Now, young Administrator...you will worship my Gunt!!"

Pete grabs the Guntress from behind, fighting for control of the
robed figure despite his weakened body and gravely weakened arm. The Guntress struggles in his embrace, her bolt-shooting Gunt now lifted high, away from Rikk. Now the white lightning arcs back to strike at Pete. He stumbles with his load as the sparks rain off. He holds his evil mistress high over his head and walks to the edge of the abyss at the central core of the throne room. With one final burst, Pete hurls
the Guntresses body into the bottomless shaft. As she falls, she screams "I have an IP scrambler and I'll never cyber with you again, Pete!!"

Rikk walks over to the collapsed form of Pete.

RIKK: "Pete! I always knew you could break the power of the Gunt Side! Your good side allowed you to ban the bitch!"

PETE: "Actually, years of alcohol abuse have wrecked my vision - I thought I was throwing YOU down the shaft of BANNING."

Rikk considers this, and suddenly kicks Pete in the head, and Pete falls down into the pit of BANNED as well!


THE FUCKIN' END!

Oops. I wasn't paying attention. Tell me again what is going on.

[FasterPussycat]

Hello, sarge's little helper!

[bueno bob]

Originally posted by FasterPussycat
Hello, sarge's little helper!

Hello, Gunt!

Are you ready to fuck off yet?

[Rikk]

Originally posted by Warham
RIKK: FLAB, I should have expected to find you holding PETE's leash. I recognized your GUNT's foul stench when I was brought on board.
FLAB: Charming to the last. You don't know how hard I found it, signing the order to edit your IM's.
RIKK: I'm not suprised you were deranged enough to do it.
FLAB: RIKK, before you are exposed to the Army, you will join me at a cyber sex ceremony that will make this GUNT fully operational. No Sheep Pen admin will dare oppose me now.
RIKK: The more you try to stick that smelly GUNT in their face, FLAB, the more Sheep Pen admins will pinch their nostrils with their fingers.

:p

That is, without a doubt, one of the funniest things I've ever read at the Army!!!

[Rikk]

BOB...that was a masterwork!

[academic punk]

Jabba the Gunt?