The Sheep Pen vs. African Scammers

[bueno bob]

Nickdfresh started a thread in Non recently about waking up to the funny scam letters sent from Nigerian gazillionaires who just want a safe place in the states to put their money and are willing to pay you a ridiculous amount of it just for being nice enough to be accomodating with your bank account.

As we of the Sheep Pen are well aware, these offers are always completely legitimate and the only reason you hear about emptied bank accounts (at best) and kidnappings with ransom demands (at worst) are because Lindsey Lohan and Britney Spears are in cahoots to prevent people from doing this en masse and threatening their status among the elite - thus, they're obviously working together to manipulate the media into reporting these flagrantly false stories to discourage others from taking this wonderful opportunity.

I, Bueno Bob, know much better than to believe the lies. I report - I decide! And that's that!

In any regards, having seen through Lindsey and Britney's evil plot to make people think all these Nigerian quadrillionaires are "bad people", I've decided to follow through with a recent email offer and report to you, the loyal flock, the results of my adventures.

Enjoy...

[bueno bob]

CELINA MAKES AN INVITE TO BUENO BOB:

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Date: Wed, 10 Oct 2007 09:04:32 -0700
From: celina77milan@yahoo.com
Subject: re; hello
To:


Hello,
Obviously this may arouse some kind of surprise and suspicion considering the level of scam going on here in Africa. I earlier mailed you through your mail box but it returned undelivered, so I decided to email you again since it is cheaper and faster.
I am Celina Milan the only daughter of late Mr. and Mrs. George Milan.My mother died when I was a baby and since then my father was very fond of me. My father was working with a Shell Petroleum company in Abidjan, Ivory Coast. He was involved in a car accident with his business associates along Jokiny express road in which all occupants of the motor died but my father was fatally wounded. He later died a hospital . [As written by William Shakespeare ''DEATH IS A NECESSARY END, WHICH WILL COME WHEN IT WILL''.] My father had a little misunderstanding with the manager of the petroleum company he was working with before his death. Before the death of my father on September 2006 in the hospital he called me on his bed side with his lawyer.And as he was telling the story, he became very down so, he now told me to meet his lawyer and he gave up the ghost. The lawyer narrated everything to me. My father deposited as family belongings in a CONSIGNMENT {ie Jewelries} worth of millions of United States Dollars) with a security company, in MALAYSIA with the hope of transferring it to his country as soon as he is on leave.
I need a responsible and humble person who will assist me on this; I prayed over it and asked God to help me to get somebody that will assist me.
I have met with the lawyer and he advised me to look for a foreign account in a country of my choice where I will transfer this money and use it for investment. Please contact me on my private email for more information. Thanks am waiting to hear from you as soon as possible. celina.milan@sacbeemail.comina.milan@sacbeemail.com
Celina Milan.

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[bueno bob]

BUENO BOB RESPONDS:

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Date: Wed, 10 Oct 2007 09:04:32 -0700
From:
Subject: re; hello
To: celina77milan@yahoo.com

Hello,

I am sorry that your first letter to me went undelivered! Very strange indeed! I usually think that the postal service is much more reliable when you have an accurate address, but I guess you just can't tell sometimes.

Thank you for addressing my concerns about the level of scam going on in Africa. For many years I've been getting emails just like this one and have been interested in obtaining millions of dollars for free, but I'm somewhat concerned about turning over my bank account information, home address, phone number, and being kidnapped and held for ransom in some backwater third world country. Thank you for reassuring me that you're not going to do any of the above and I absolutely will receive all these millions of dollars for being a good Christian. This is exactly the business opportunity I have been looking for! I have no doubt at all that I will soon be kicking up my heels with the likes of Paris Hilton, Lindsey Lohan and Britney Spears, my three heroes.

I'm glad to see you like Bill Shakespeare. Pretty good writer, that one! I also like J.A. Jance and Terry Brooks, sometimes Stephen King, Bentley Little and Richard Laymon. Who else do you like as an author? Are you more preferential to classics, or just pulp fiction?

By the way, are you single? I'm interested in meeting people with the same interests, and we already both like money and William Shakespeare, so I'd say we're off to a good start. Maybe we could go out for a coffee some time, shoot the breeze for a while and just see where the night takes us? Hey, if it's nothing serious, I'm always looking for a good time too, so you know...whatever happens in Africa stays in Africa, you get what I'm saying?

So anyway, let's talk about making this happen. What kind of assurances can you provide me that all this is on the up and up? I'm a very serious and respectable businessman here in the United States, and mostly everybody knows who I am. Just last week I negotiated a new contract for George Clooney and Bette Midler BOTH! I'm also quite busy, as you can tell, so we'll have to work out an appropriate time in order to exchange funds, knock boots, and pray to God for a while.

So, please contact me at your earliest possible convenience with the details to ensure what you want to do, what you need me to do, your measurements and a picture of you (preferably with cleavage showing) and let's make - it - happen!

Also, can you provide me with an all access 5 star package to a Van Halen concert?

Thank you!

Alan T. Panthere, Esq.
Executive Owner

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[Dan]

The Sheep Pen Strikes Back.

[bueno bob]

And it's FAR from over...

All you greenhorns who wanted to see the Hive up close, this is your lucky day...

[Dan]

We Can Send Them Sheep?

[bueno bob]

Potentially. For now, I'm more interested in seeing if they actually send me titty shots of somebody...lmao...

I will, of course, update with any future developments...heheh

[binnie]

BWAHAHAHAHA!!!

Excellent work Bob!

[bueno bob]

...AND WE'VE ONLY JUST BEGUN!!!!

[Shaun Ponsonby]

This is very interesting...

I wonder why the mail didn't reach you?

Postal Strike? (it fucking well is in this country )

[VanHalener]

I have you covered if you break your foot off in someone's ass. You can take one of mine: I've always wanted a peg leg so I can poke sheep with it.

[Hyman Roth]

...that's bad mmmkay.

[bueno bob]

OK...The Sheep Pen vs. MALAYSIAN scammers, then? :confused:

Round 2:

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Date: Fri, 12 Oct 2007 08:07:14 -0700
From: celina77milan@yahoo.com
Subject: RE: re; hello
To:


Hello Alan,
Thanks for your respond to my mail, But you have not really tell me if you will assist me, Please can you be able travel to Malaysia?
let me know so I can detail you properly on what next.
thanks.
Celina Milan.

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Hi Celina!

Thanks for responding so promptly to my inquiries. I'm curious - why do I have to travel to Malaysia? I thought we were talking about Africa in the last email. Pardon me for asking, and I don't mean to insinuate at ALL that you're being dishonest, but I don't remember Malaysia being part of the original email discussion. You know what would be really convenient? Those transporters that they have in the Star Trek TV show. That way I could just pop on down there this afternoon, we could do our business, fondle you for a while, and then be back home in time for a nice dinner of rib eye steak. That sounds really good right about now, actually. Hell, I may not even wait for dinner.

I'm forced to wonder why they never had those transporters in Star Wars, though. Probably would have made things a lot easier when Darth Vader was trying to hunt down Luke Skywalker and tell him about the family connection. Are you a parent? Kids are cool, but often times really obnoxious. You know, if this business works out, I'd imagine I could invest a particularly large amount of my kickback into
inventing transporters. Granted, sub-atomic science is a bitch...

Anyway, I live in New York. I suppose I could get down to Malaysia within the next two months. Maybe after I do that, you could fly up and meet me in Texas. I've got a thing for that state, you know, Chuck Norris, Patrick Duffy, the Las Vegas strip, and tomb of the Unknown Soldier. There's a lot we could see and do there. Last I heard, Patrick Duffy was somebody's leg, but at least Suzanne Sommers still has infomercial work with her butt burners or whatever. At least it's not the psychic friends network, right?

Do you believe in psychics? I watch that John Edwards show sometime, and while he's cool and all, I actually think he's picking up on people's
underlying mental currents and not necessarily talking to their dead
relatives. While I think that communion with the deceased is certainly
possible on some level, I just don't know enough to say whether he's
picking up messages from, say, somebody's long lost cat or whether he's listened to Andrew W.K. for too long. All that pounding piano and fast rock music he plays can really rot your brain, and I know! Of course, while the musical themes can be dismissed as novelty music, it's really in depth when it comes to composition - if he wanted to be taken seriously, as a serious artist, he certainly has enough talent to accomplish it (and then some).

Let's talk about Malaysia. How's the weather? It's been pretty horrible
here in New York, raining and snowing all the time. I really need a break from this rotten weather. Malaysia sounds great right about now, but I'll have to put all my sheep in a row before I can get away from this office. Are there any underground martial art tournaments to the death going on that I can in to see?

Alright, well, that's where I'm at. Now - how about that picture? You can
send me back an email detailing the details of what we need to do to make this happen, but I can't commit myself to anything seriously until I see a picture of you, preferably with some cleavage showing as I am a big fan of boobies. This will CONFIRM to me beyond all shadow of a doubt that you're not a kidnapper looking to hold me for ransom after raiding my bank account of my life savings. A picture of your cleavage will PROVE to me that you're absolutely serious about this and not just getting the idea from a bad King of the Hill TV episode. To tell the honest truth, I like South Park much better. Do you remember the Cosby Show? It was really funny for the first season or two, but Roseanne really knocked the snot out of it by it's candidly honest portrayal of American life. I mean, not EVERYBODY has a son named Theo. If I had a son named Theo, I'd call him Theopolis and
encourage him to become a doctor so that everybody would have to page him as Dr. Theopolis, like that robot dude Tweeky wore around his neck in the old Buck Rogers TV shows. That would be funny.

Man! We're really getting to know each other well, aren't we? This has
been a fabulous turn of events. I'm about ready to cancel my add with the Lowered Expectations dating service. In fact, I think I'm falling in love with you. Hey, let's talk about me making a lot of money for doing nothing at all. What's next?

Alan T. Panthere, esq.
Executive Owner
LRG Industries Inc.

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More to come...

[Matt White]

LOL


CRUSH KILL DESTROY

[Dan]

LOL

You Really Are Fucking With Them,Bob.