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Disappointing: James Cameron's AVATAR
I just got back from sneaking in at the movies.. Lefty and I were in dispute over who's actually wearing the pants in this relationship so I stepped out to go see a movie and chill out. Before I return and poke her eyeballs out with my thumbnails..
But even before that, I asked how much was the ticket "ten fifty" what? Almost eleven bucks, for a matinee?
Is that for the 3D one, you got both versions here - "no actually, the non-3d print is showing in the SMALLER screen and it's $13.75"
I think that she took my query to mean my intent to pay. So after I passed the ticket counter, I walked past the double-doors someone came out of but didn't latch completely closed and I snuck in. There's my intent..
(they're wise to this shit btw now, they staff a Zitfaced zombie further in by the popcorn to tear your fuckin' ticket.. you get past this goof by asking "which way is the Men's?)
Alrighty. This AVATAR is a science-fiction destravaganza on a muppet's eye view in proportion to what you'd expect from the trailers you may have seen.
Some of the CGI is pretty cool, however 3D gogglevision induces anxiety and tremors of delerium throughout my entire musculature, so to avoid giving the cleanup people's condending with a bloodbath at film's end (and because the non-3D print had just started unlike the 3D just ending) I chose to find my quite vast seating inside the non-3D screening.
And like Yahoo Movies reviewed quite accurately, the script is bad but the fancy cartoon characters are good.
I knew this going in, however what I wasn't prepared for was Blue People's Planet to be inhabited by the Blue NAKED people of the planet.
That's right, the women are topless and most of the time it's veiled nudity: loincloths, hair-upon-nipples (if you're ever in the UK there's a great coffee-danish place there btw) and G-string ladies all over the place.
The Blue Nakeds live in this big tree. There is a Spirit in the tree, and they worship it. However, there's a huge deposit of radioactive shit underneath it called Givvashittium that the White Man wants to take away from this amalgamated tribe of Earth's Colonial-days' "victims" such as north American natives, Zulus, Polynesians, and Maori among others.
In fact, the director James Cameron hired a linguist to "invent" a language based on this amalgamation.
So what you see basically if you go, is a bunch of loinclothed eco-Hippie tree-hugging Pagans who worship Mother Nature, ride flying lizards and 6-legged anteater/horses and Hammerheaded LandsharkRHINO's who live in a forest.
It would have made my day, and made the film complete, to see them drop acid and get up there on the branches and jam like they were attending Woodstock. At least that's the only thing left unconveyed by James Cameron. Dumbass..
Now, this Givvashittium element in the Blue's ground, it makes rocks and things levitate. Like how magnets repel, this stuff has marketable properties for industry and the BCE which you've heard FORD talk about so much here, they go in with the Marines to kill everybody and take this virtual-reality "gold" by inducing Marine Field Guides to sleep. In this dreamstate, they animate a Bluelike body and then get these "silly Indians" to trust them, and learn of their ways.. all the while scouting around looking for signs of Givvashittium deposits in and around the area.
I won't give further than the basic premise, however, there's a big confrontation: the Marine shags one of the Blue Nakeds, and a compromised mission ensues further chaos of will.
Formulaic. Heavy-handed CGI vested to the personal tailorings of Spaghetti Western schooldays' recollections, spending his 1950's schoolboy weekends in front of the black n white TV tugging on his heartstrings.
Go see this thing if you wish to boast of having seen "the most expensive movie of ALL TIME" but if you don't give a shit, you aren't missing anything is my advice.
I mean, the Spiderman movies, they were packed for weeks n weeks. This thing has JUST come out 24 hours ago, and the 5oclock matinee was about 40% capacity I'd say.
Not a good sign for a 200 / 250 / 300 / 500 million dollar flick. I doubt you'll hear more about it a month from now.
I guess the Rotten Tomatoe bulletpoint #1 would be: fuckin' DUHH, hey Cameron nobody's taking their kids to see NAKEDS. They get that shit on the indernet, when you and your wife are not looking and you know that, so why pay for it?
Point #2, was the language. I counted a few Goddamns, and Holy Shits. Now, while neither invective is found in the Old or New Testaments in the Bible - ordinary churchgoing people won't be found foisting their families in front of the movie screens listening to the Word of the Street. I didn't like it, you may not like it, too.
Point #3, was some of the violence. One effort was made to avoid this I applaud: the BlueSHAG chick slices a dog's throat, and the camera angle turns to the Marine avatar's face instead of showing the animal's death. BUT the director has no problem at all with people getting stabbed, shot, bloodsplatters, and in one poignantly graphical scene a BlueNAKED impalement with a treebranch thru the midsection.
I read somewhere in online reviews this was intended to have some kind of sequel, but it was whittled down and trust me it shows.
In summary I want to throw out some tags to equate the balance of my Escape Into Town from an authoritarian-drunk woman who's going to be single after the holidays: Eco-driven, Colonial-era guilting with a dose of Wiccan paganism thrown in for good measure!
But even before that, I asked how much was the ticket "ten fifty" what? Almost eleven bucks, for a matinee?
Is that for the 3D one, you got both versions here - "no actually, the non-3d print is showing in the SMALLER screen and it's $13.75"
I think that she took my query to mean my intent to pay. So after I passed the ticket counter, I walked past the double-doors someone came out of but didn't latch completely closed and I snuck in. There's my intent..
(they're wise to this shit btw now, they staff a Zitfaced zombie further in by the popcorn to tear your fuckin' ticket.. you get past this goof by asking "which way is the Men's?)
Alrighty. This AVATAR is a science-fiction destravaganza on a muppet's eye view in proportion to what you'd expect from the trailers you may have seen.
Some of the CGI is pretty cool, however 3D gogglevision induces anxiety and tremors of delerium throughout my entire musculature, so to avoid giving the cleanup people's condending with a bloodbath at film's end (and because the non-3D print had just started unlike the 3D just ending) I chose to find my quite vast seating inside the non-3D screening.
And like Yahoo Movies reviewed quite accurately, the script is bad but the fancy cartoon characters are good.
I knew this going in, however what I wasn't prepared for was Blue People's Planet to be inhabited by the Blue NAKED people of the planet.
That's right, the women are topless and most of the time it's veiled nudity: loincloths, hair-upon-nipples (if you're ever in the UK there's a great coffee-danish place there btw) and G-string ladies all over the place.
The Blue Nakeds live in this big tree. There is a Spirit in the tree, and they worship it. However, there's a huge deposit of radioactive shit underneath it called Givvashittium that the White Man wants to take away from this amalgamated tribe of Earth's Colonial-days' "victims" such as north American natives, Zulus, Polynesians, and Maori among others.
In fact, the director James Cameron hired a linguist to "invent" a language based on this amalgamation.
So what you see basically if you go, is a bunch of loinclothed eco-Hippie tree-hugging Pagans who worship Mother Nature, ride flying lizards and 6-legged anteater/horses and Hammerheaded LandsharkRHINO's who live in a forest.
It would have made my day, and made the film complete, to see them drop acid and get up there on the branches and jam like they were attending Woodstock. At least that's the only thing left unconveyed by James Cameron. Dumbass..
Now, this Givvashittium element in the Blue's ground, it makes rocks and things levitate. Like how magnets repel, this stuff has marketable properties for industry and the BCE which you've heard FORD talk about so much here, they go in with the Marines to kill everybody and take this virtual-reality "gold" by inducing Marine Field Guides to sleep. In this dreamstate, they animate a Bluelike body and then get these "silly Indians" to trust them, and learn of their ways.. all the while scouting around looking for signs of Givvashittium deposits in and around the area.
I won't give further than the basic premise, however, there's a big confrontation: the Marine shags one of the Blue Nakeds, and a compromised mission ensues further chaos of will.
Formulaic. Heavy-handed CGI vested to the personal tailorings of Spaghetti Western schooldays' recollections, spending his 1950's schoolboy weekends in front of the black n white TV tugging on his heartstrings.
Go see this thing if you wish to boast of having seen "the most expensive movie of ALL TIME" but if you don't give a shit, you aren't missing anything is my advice.
I mean, the Spiderman movies, they were packed for weeks n weeks. This thing has JUST come out 24 hours ago, and the 5oclock matinee was about 40% capacity I'd say.
Not a good sign for a 200 / 250 / 300 / 500 million dollar flick. I doubt you'll hear more about it a month from now.
I guess the Rotten Tomatoe bulletpoint #1 would be: fuckin' DUHH, hey Cameron nobody's taking their kids to see NAKEDS. They get that shit on the indernet, when you and your wife are not looking and you know that, so why pay for it?
Point #2, was the language. I counted a few Goddamns, and Holy Shits. Now, while neither invective is found in the Old or New Testaments in the Bible - ordinary churchgoing people won't be found foisting their families in front of the movie screens listening to the Word of the Street. I didn't like it, you may not like it, too.
Point #3, was some of the violence. One effort was made to avoid this I applaud: the BlueSHAG chick slices a dog's throat, and the camera angle turns to the Marine avatar's face instead of showing the animal's death. BUT the director has no problem at all with people getting stabbed, shot, bloodsplatters, and in one poignantly graphical scene a BlueNAKED impalement with a treebranch thru the midsection.
I read somewhere in online reviews this was intended to have some kind of sequel, but it was whittled down and trust me it shows.
In summary I want to throw out some tags to equate the balance of my Escape Into Town from an authoritarian-drunk woman who's going to be single after the holidays: Eco-driven, Colonial-era guilting with a dose of Wiccan paganism thrown in for good measure!
Hell, I remember going on an acid trip and watching Jaws in 3D, 4 times in a row. 
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