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KISS fact! Thanks to there being some money in selling out only half of the original members of KISS are still in the band. Just like Napalm Death and Herman’s Hermits. (Oh, Ace! What have they done to your legacy?)
Once upon a time there was an annoying little prog rock band called Genesis (who had a frightfully common little prematurely balding drummer called Phil). Genesis were experts in auto-proctological prog rock. And they made a lot of dim people – who all stank of black opiated hash and patchouli – feel very, very clever.Then along came punk rock and punk rock killed Genesis. But then along came KISS. And they said – “I want to rock and roll all night and party every day”. And they did. They fucking did. The bastards. As to what happened next, I don’t know and, frankly, I don’t fucking care.
What matters is that they have yet another live CD out. Only it really isn't all that live. Nor is it all that new. Oh joy. I mean look at the cover. A montage of what looks like ego penis in a cliche stage background. Dead clever Dead original. Dead return to the 1970’s. Dead arty. Dead. It could be a fat kid with an apple in his mouth for all I care. On a spit. Dripping gravy. Umm, sorry, what were we talking about?
Oh fuck, I'm only 15 seconds into track one (something about creatures..?) It feels like hours. No, sorry, that’s it. Off come the headphones. I’ve heard enough. It’s exactly what you’d expect from a Genesis tribute band. Which is cool. If you’re a patchouli reeking fool. Which isn’t cool. Is it? (I mean I’ve thrown the CD Walkman across the room into the dirty laundry basket and I can still hear it. Squeaking through the headphones, evilly.
KISS why are you still here? It’s not as if you get “rediscovered” every few years. I mean what the fuck could possibly still be keeping you alive? (And Frank Black out of The Pixies, if you’re reading this, you useless fat fuck, that goes for you too, OK?)
Person 1: Have you heard that live album by KISS? Alive III?
Person 2: Yes, it's fucking shit.
Person 1: Yes, but they do sing 'Rock and roll all night partry every day' like they did on the first live album.
Person 2: Yes, that’s kind of interesting.
You know one of the really funny things about music journalism is that the bands you slag off ALWAYS claim not to be upset about what you say about them. Oh no. “It’s what he said about my/our fans that upset me/us”. No names, no packdrill. But isn’t that right, Paul Stanley? Isn’t that right, Beautiful South? Yeah, milk it, KISS, milk it. Make like the evil wasp, baby. Paralyze your victims with your vicious sting. Liquefy their internal organs with your deadly venom. Then suck ‘em out through your trembling proboscis. Everything – and I do mean everything - which belongs to KISS fans should, in an ideal world, belong to KISS. Including their skins. So sayeth the Lord (and meanwhile, in the dirty laundry basket, it’s still squeaking!)
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