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'twas The Night Before The Tour
'TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE THE TOUR AND ALL THROUGH ED'S HOUSE
THE VAN HALEN FAMILY WAS DRUNK AS A LOUSE
THEY HOPED THEY'D RECAPTURE THE MAGIC THEY HAD
BUT WITHOUT DIAMOND DAVID, THEIR CHANCES WERE BAD.
WHEN OUT ON THE LAWN THERE AROSE SUCH A CLATTER
EDDIE PUT DOWN HIS 40 TO SEE WHAT WAS THE MATTER
HE STUMBLED TO THE WINDOW AND FELL IN A HEAP
AND CHUCKLED AS HE PICTURED A CROWD FULL OF SHEEP!
AND WHAT TO HIS BLOOD SHOT EYES SHOULD APPEAR
BUT A BROKEN DOWN WHEELCHAIR BEING PUSHED BY SOME QUEERS.
AND SITTING THERE IN IT WAS A FAT FUCKING HAM
DRESSED IN A RED MOO MOO, THAT BASTARD WAS SAM!
HE SCREECHED TO HIS BOY TOYS, "NOW THAT I'VE ARRIVED,
LET'S ALL 69 WHILE I DRIVE 55.
ON EDDIE... ON ALEX... ON MIKE'S JELLY BELLY
IF I WERE BLACK WITH A CAMERA I COULD BE LIKE R. KELLY!
THEY SUCKED AND THEY SUCKED AND THEY DRAINED ALL THEIR DONGS
HEY! WAIT A MINUTE! THAT SOUNDS JUST LIKE THEIR SONGS.
AND WITH THAT REALIZATION, THEY GOT STRAIGHT TO WORK
SELLING TICKETS TO DUMB-ASSES, EUNUCHS, AND JERKS.
THE ATOMIC PUNK ISN'T UNCHAINED ON THIS TOUR
SELLING TEQUILA AND RAPING SHEEP'S WHAT IT'S FOR
THEY WERE HEARD TO EXCLAIM AS THEY SUCKED THOUGH THE NIGHT,
HOPE YOUR WALLETS ARE LOOSE AND YOUR ASSES ARE TIGHT!
THE VAN HALEN FAMILY WAS DRUNK AS A LOUSE
THEY HOPED THEY'D RECAPTURE THE MAGIC THEY HAD
BUT WITHOUT DIAMOND DAVID, THEIR CHANCES WERE BAD.
WHEN OUT ON THE LAWN THERE AROSE SUCH A CLATTER
EDDIE PUT DOWN HIS 40 TO SEE WHAT WAS THE MATTER
HE STUMBLED TO THE WINDOW AND FELL IN A HEAP
AND CHUCKLED AS HE PICTURED A CROWD FULL OF SHEEP!
AND WHAT TO HIS BLOOD SHOT EYES SHOULD APPEAR
BUT A BROKEN DOWN WHEELCHAIR BEING PUSHED BY SOME QUEERS.
AND SITTING THERE IN IT WAS A FAT FUCKING HAM
DRESSED IN A RED MOO MOO, THAT BASTARD WAS SAM!
HE SCREECHED TO HIS BOY TOYS, "NOW THAT I'VE ARRIVED,
LET'S ALL 69 WHILE I DRIVE 55.
ON EDDIE... ON ALEX... ON MIKE'S JELLY BELLY
IF I WERE BLACK WITH A CAMERA I COULD BE LIKE R. KELLY!
THEY SUCKED AND THEY SUCKED AND THEY DRAINED ALL THEIR DONGS
HEY! WAIT A MINUTE! THAT SOUNDS JUST LIKE THEIR SONGS.
AND WITH THAT REALIZATION, THEY GOT STRAIGHT TO WORK
SELLING TICKETS TO DUMB-ASSES, EUNUCHS, AND JERKS.
THE ATOMIC PUNK ISN'T UNCHAINED ON THIS TOUR
SELLING TEQUILA AND RAPING SHEEP'S WHAT IT'S FOR
THEY WERE HEARD TO EXCLAIM AS THEY SUCKED THOUGH THE NIGHT,
HOPE YOUR WALLETS ARE LOOSE AND YOUR ASSES ARE TIGHT!
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