Boston's Brad Delp, dead at 55

[FORD]

In last moments, Delp thought of fiancee, cat

By JIM DEVINE
Union Leader Correspondent


ATKINSON – A note found on the body of Brad Delp, the former Boston frontman who committed suicide last week, read, "I am a lonely soul," according to a police report.

Police on March 9 found Delp's body on the floor of the upstairs bathroom in his Atkinson home, his head resting on a pillow. He wore sweatpants and a T-shirt, to which he paper-clipped a note.

It read: "Mr. Brad Delp - Jai une ame salitaire - 'I am a lonely soul.'"

The newly released police report shows Delp, who famously provided the vocals for one of the most popular bands of the 1970s, made painstaking efforts to protect police while directing them to his body.

Toxicology reports confirmed Delp died of carbon monoxide inhalation. Officers who discovered his body reported finding two small charcoal grills in the shower stall, a bottle of Sam Adams Light beer and a photograph of Delp with his fiancee, Pamela Sullivan. A towel covered the crack under the bathroom door.

Police found a series of notes in the house. Officers also found four sealed letters, including one addressed to Sullivan and another to his children, on the desk in Delp's office.

"It appears that Delp prepared everything in advance," Atkinson Officer Justin Paquette wrote in his report.

A note taped to the door of Delp's master bedroom warned of carbon monoxide. The note included a contact number for Sullivan and the instruction that Delp wished to be cremated.

[FORD]

Originally posted by Vinnie Velvet
Yeah, it is an easy way out.

However, I'm still kinda in shock over his suicide.

Why was he so depressed?? Why did he lose his desire to live?? Wasn't playing music enough?? Family not enough?? Getting married not enough? Friends??

I just don't understand it. There was some deep problems with Brad and it seems like nobody knew anything about them.

You can't understand it unless you have been there. And pray that you never are, because even if you come out of it alive, it ain't no fucking Mormon church picnic.

Depression isn't merely "being 2 cans short of a six pack". It is a physical disease. The brain is an organ, just like the heart, the liver, lungs, or whatever. And when brain chemistry is fucked up, so is what the brain puts out.

One good way to explain it is that your mind often makes mountains out of molehills. So everyday problems which might present a slight challenge and maybe even some stress to most people, become a total nightmare to someone who is depressed.

"I am a lonely soul".

Brad Delp had a fiancee who loved him. He had kids. He had 2 bands and millions of fans all over the fucking world, yet he felt alone. He probably felt alone on stage with thousands of people cheering him on.

Doesn't make sense? Of course not. Unless you have been where he was.

[FORD]

Originally posted by BrownSound1
Word!

You know it is one thing if someone has some type of chemical imbalance or medical problem that causes you to think irrationally. However, if it is just depression from feeling sorry for yourself, then that's your own doing.

I don't know which is the case for Delp, if it was the latter then I'm not sympathetic.

This is textbook clinical depression caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain.

No mistake about it. Brad Delp would certainly have no "rational" reason to be suicidal.

[Vinnie Velvet]

Originally posted by FORD
You can't understand it unless you have been there. And pray that you never are, because even if you come out of it alive, it ain't no fucking Mormon church picnic.

Depression isn't merely "being 2 cans short of a six pack". It is a physical disease. The brain is an organ, just like the heart, the liver, lungs, or whatever. And when brain chemistry is fucked up, so is what the brain puts out.

One good way to explain it is that your mind often makes mountains out of molehills. So everyday problems which might present a slight challenge and maybe even some stress to most people, become a total nightmare to someone who is depressed.

"I am a lonely soul".

Brad Delp had a fiancee who loved him. He had kids. He had 2 bands and millions of fans all over the fucking world, yet he felt alone. He probably felt alone on stage with thousands of people cheering him on.

Doesn't make sense? Of course not. Unless you have been where he was.

I hope I NEVER understand it.

Thanks, FORD.

[bueno bob]

Well, I'm not convinced that anybody can be SO far gone as to not even be able to know that they need some kind of help...something's gotta click somewhere, a little voice piping up saying "Wait a minute...I'm thinking about killing myself...uh...is something wrong with this picture?".

Whether or not you can get that far gone without anybody else in your life realizing it...ehhhhh...

[FORD]

Originally posted by bueno bob
Well, I'm not convinced that anybody can be SO far gone as to not even be able to know that they need some kind of help...something's gotta click somewhere, a little voice piping up saying "Wait a minute...I'm thinking about killing myself...uh...is something wrong with this picture?".

Whether or not you can get that far gone without anybody else in your life realizing it...ehhhhh...

Based on my experience with myself and others, I'd say it's almost impossible to hide the fact that something is profoundly wrong, especially from those who know you best.

From all accounts, and certainly apperances, Brad Delp was outgoing, and friendly, and appeared to be enjoying life. But those reports come from fans who talked to him after a Boston show, or a Beatlejuice gig. Not those who lived with him or spent a lot of time with him.

And there's also this......



That's the cover of Brad's last album (with Barry Goudreau)

Contrast that with pics you have seen of the early Boston.

Now obviously, these guys are in their 50's. Barry Goudreau looks merely older. But in Delp's face, there's something else, besides merely chronological age. Maybe it's easier to recognize if you have seen it in the mirror? I don't know how else to explain that.

[bueno bob]

Yeah.

Looks...empty, for lack of a better word.

Well, one way or another, the real victims here are his family...it's a horrible thing to have to go through...

Thanks, Ford.

[SparkieD]

They say the eyes are the window to the soul and his definitely look like those of a lost soul in that pic

I don't know how anybody can't feel sympathy for him. Sure, suicide is very selfish, but there is no lonelier feeling than to be surrounded by people, especially those who love you, and not be understood.

That said, the love of other people is a precious gift. It deserves to be treated with the utmost care. I've been where Brad was before he died, but, as dreadful as that place was, it beats the hell out of the place those who loved him are now.

R.I.P. Brad. Prayers to those who love you.

[VanHalener]

Originally posted by SparkieD
They say the eyes are the window to the soul and his definitely look like those of a lost soul in that pic

I don't know how anybody can't feel sympathy for him. Sure, suicide is very selfish, but there is no lonelier feeling than to be surrounded by people, especially those who love you, and not be understood.

That said, the love of other people is a precious gift. It deserves to be treated with the utmost care. I've been where Brad was before he died, but, as dreadful as that place was, it beats the hell out of the place those who loved him are now.

R.I.P. Brad. Prayers to those who love you.

Well written thoughts, bro. There is a painful echo of suicide that resonates throughout my family. The pain eases, but only until the face comes back to mind: like now.

It's really just too bad, man. So many people giving up....

[VanHalener]

Originally posted by vanhalener
Well written thoughts, my sister in the army.

Sorry SparkieD. Force of habit.

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[SparkieD]

Originally posted by vanhalener
Sorry SparkieD. Force of habit.

No big deal. Not many of us chickadees here at the Army. Besides, I've been called a lot worse than bro. Probably even today.

[diamondD]

I had a good friend of mine shoot himself in the head last year. The main problem I could tell is that he was on some new psychiatric drugs because he was definitely not himself the night before he did it. I was talking to someone I didn't know at the time and couldn't rationally see that there was a future without his girlfriend that had broken up with him. One of the smartest guys I've known from a technical standpoint, but he had a tough time socially.

He didn't like what the new drugs were making him feel like and he quit taking them on his own and it drove him to suicide. It's not always as clear cut as "well, he was being selfish".

[SparkieD]

When a person is depressed, being told he's selfish and has everything to be thankful for is really the last thing he needs to hear. It only compounds the feelings of guilt and can make him feel like a burden to those close to him, making suicide even more appealing. I wish more people somewhat understood depression. There is a stygma attached to it preventing a lot of people from seeking professional help.

The most frustrating thing about being depressed for me was knowing that I had everything under the sun to be happy about, but not understanding why I was in such turmoil. I'm glad to be mostly over it now, but I am absolutely terrified of feeling like that again. It hurts just to hear of another person going through it. You can overcome it, but, like Ford said, it ain't no picnic.

[FORD]

Originally posted by diamondD
I had a good friend of mine shoot himself in the head last year. The main problem I could tell is that he was on some new psychiatric drugs because he was definitely not himself the night before he did it. I was talking to someone I didn't know at the time and couldn't rationally see that there was a future without his girlfriend that had broken up with him. One of the smartest guys I've known from a technical standpoint, but he had a tough time socially.

He didn't like what the new drugs were making him feel like and he quit taking them on his own and it drove him to suicide. It's not always as clear cut as "well, he was being selfish".

Sorry to hear about your friend, Jeff.

It's no secret that I don't trust the pharmaceutical companies. Horrible side effects from these kind of drugs are part of the reason. I have one friend who I swear has gotten worse since he started taking them.

I would reccommend the natural alternative 5-HTP to anyone. It converts to serotonin in one step. The chemical drugs take much longer to break down. Also 5-HTP has no side effects, other than possibly some minor sleep difficulties the first week or so. I can say, honestly, that the stuff saved my life. I'm actually surprised that Brad Delp, being the hippie vegan type, never heard of it.

St. John's Wort has probably gotten more media coverage, but it's probably better for milder things like Seasonal Affective Disorder. 5-HTP is the real heavy duty stuff.

[SparkieD]

L-tryptophan is good, too, but it is by prescription only. You have to find a compounding pharmacist to dispense it. I used it to wean off Zoloft. The pharmaceutical companies really have you by the short hairs if you even start taking the psychiatric drugs because it's so fucking hard to get off of them. The labels all say non-habit forming. I'd like to know their definition of habit forming.