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But, and due to my refusal of ever becoming an invalid, I have often contemplated how I WILL commit suicide once I am unable to do everything by myself. Examples include not being able to walk, dress, or go to the bathroom by myself. Screw that - it ain't living. It's just dragging on.
That said, here's how I'll do it. I wake up, the bed is wet. I'm 60, stayed up all night, and a huge hangover threatens to shtter my brain if I move so much as a finger. Life's good, we'll continue on.
I wake up, the bed is wet. I'm 60, I HAVE NOT stayed up all night, and I do not have a hangover. However, the old lady is incontinent, and tends to forget a couple of things at her old age, like putting on her fucking old fart diapers. Life's still good.
I wake up, the bed is wet. I'm not drunk. I just pissed myself, lost control of the bladder. It's time.
Spend a few days with what family I'll have then. Big, small... don't matter. Afterwards, invite all my friends to a huge afternoon out, drinking and eating until well after midnight, maybe 'till the sun comes up, if we're able. A phone call to that dearest feamle friend. A day out, a nice dinner, squeaky springs, neighbours complaining. Yeah, that'll do it.
Next day...
Stevie Ray Vaughan's "Life by the Drop" on loop. Fill the tub with hot water, slit the wrists...
"If the American people had ever known the truth about what we (the BCE) have done to this nation, we would be chased down in the streets and lynched." - Poppy Bush, 1992
If you didn't know
All the moments
When I lose myself
I would tell the world
I'm catching flies by now
Speaking to someone
Breaking the windows
This house is dead
The sound of falling
When the pictures are moving
Between the memories
The sound of falling
When the pictures are moving
Dead in time
Brave, try the meaning of loss
I know your smile is deadly at this point
Wherever you are I am not
If you didn't know
All the moments
When I lose myself
I would tell the world
I guess I should know
The limits of the world
There are moments I find myself
Not breathing at all
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