1. You're going out and you have to decide which of your 50 black T-shirts you're going to wear.
2. You have ever had an argument with your wife about wearing a heavy metal T-shirt to a family party.
3. You don't know all the words to the national anthem, but you know all the words to Stairway to Heaven, including the extra bits on the live version.
4. You see KISS every time they come to town, because this just, might, actually be their last tour.
5. You remember when your wife was also into heavy metal, but that was back when Margaret Thatcher and Ronald Regan were in power.
6. You know who the original singer for AC/DC was, and it wasn't Bon Scott.
7. You know there is absolutely nothing gay at all about grown men dressing in makeup, lingerie and spandex, playing for an all male audience, and gradually disrobing by the gig's end.
8. You know not to be alarmed if there's ever a bustle in your hedgerow.
9. You finally worked out what Emo music is, only to find there is an even newer thing called Screamo.
10. You always thought Ozzy Osbourne was a GOD, but then after The Osbournes you're not quite so sure.
11. You know the name of ten clubs on Sunset Strip, but have never been within 1000 miles of L.A.
12. You can remember when Bon Jovi were metal.
13. You remember where you were when you found out Rob Halford from Judas Priest was gay, and then decided you don't give a fuck anyway, because Halford IS GOD!
14. You ever wondered where all that leather and studs imagery worn by Rob Halford came from anyway, and then realised there was a guy in the Village People who dressed exactly the same.
15. You get in arguments at parties about whether Led Zeppelin are heavy metal or not, (and they are).
16. Whenever you pose for a family photo you automatically flip the devils horns and stick your tongue out.
17. You have embarrassing photos of yourself wearing a bouffant hair style and fluoro spandex.
18. You have kids and they also wear black T-shirts and listen to metal, and your family comments about the bad influence you are on them.
19. You make comments to complete strangers when walking down the street about the heavy metal T-shirt they're wearing.
20. The complete stranger responds with "Yeah!" and flips you the devils horns.
21. You're suspicious of metalheads with short hair, and doubt whether they're 'really into it'.
22. You have a friend who wears leopard print spandex pants to gigs, and that's ok with you.
23. You have another friend who dresses up for gigs like a vampire, complete with blood, and that's ok too.
24. You have yet another friend who is a complete nerd and dresses like an accountant, but goes absolutely nuts at metal gigs, and that's ok as well.
25. You've blown a job interview or lost a job for refusing to cut your hair.
26. Your wardrobe has only two colours - black and blue denim.
27. You think anything with chrome metal studs is a great accessory for any outfit.
28. You know who Eddie is and discuss him with your friends like he's a real person.
29. You regard Ozzy-era Black Sabbath and Dio-era Black Sabbath as two completely different bands.
30. You've had arguments with friends over which era of Sabbath was the best, and the Ian Gillan era never rates a mention.
31. Your wife is sick to death of you saying "it's not a style of music, it's a lifestyle."
32. You have a special room or shed at home where you hang your metal posters, because your wife won't let you hang them in the living room anymore.
33. You can't park your car in your garage anymore because it is stacked full of boxes containing old metal magazines, and you can never throw them out because "It's history man!".
34. You have a recurring argument with your wife about you throwing out your boxes of old metal magazines to make room for the car.
35. You buy a house with a larger garage so that you don't have to throw out your boxes of old metal magazines.
36. You can remember the 70s and 80s, and you were really there.
37. You loved the first half of the movie 'Rockstar' but thought the second half sucked.
38. The scene in Rockstar where Mark Wahlberg auditions for the band still sends shivers down your spine.
39. That as the years go by your belt buckle causes you more pain when you sit down.
40. You know Gene Simmons is nothing but an egocentric money grabbing arsehole, but you still spend hundreds every year on KISS merchandise anyway.
41. You know there is nothing gay at all about Paul Stanley, despite how he dances on stage.
42. You and your metalhead friends can pinpoint the precise time when Metallica started to suck, but it's different for all of you.
43. When you first watched "The Decline of Western Civilisation:The Metal Years" back in the 80s you thought it was an excellent chronicle of metal, showing hot new up-and-coming bands who were destined to become the 'next big thing'.
44. You recently re-watched "The Decline of Western Civilisation:The Metal Years", and thanked god none of those bands made it, because you realise they were just a bunch of tossers.
45. You have specified in your will at least five metal songs that are to be played at your funeral.
46. You know that real bass players play with their fingers and not a pick.
47. You've had several arguments as to why Nicko McBrain from Iron Maiden doesn't need a double kick pedal.
48. You still scrawl desks and books with the names of your favourite metal bands, always drawn with the correct logo.
49. You remember your first metal gig (and the point you realised you're not the only freak out there) as one of the best days of your life.
50. You have a straight job, and when your workmates see you in your metal gear on the weekend they call you a 'Jekyll and Hyde' personality.
2. You have ever had an argument with your wife about wearing a heavy metal T-shirt to a family party.
3. You don't know all the words to the national anthem, but you know all the words to Stairway to Heaven, including the extra bits on the live version.
4. You see KISS every time they come to town, because this just, might, actually be their last tour.
5. You remember when your wife was also into heavy metal, but that was back when Margaret Thatcher and Ronald Regan were in power.
6. You know who the original singer for AC/DC was, and it wasn't Bon Scott.
7. You know there is absolutely nothing gay at all about grown men dressing in makeup, lingerie and spandex, playing for an all male audience, and gradually disrobing by the gig's end.
8. You know not to be alarmed if there's ever a bustle in your hedgerow.
9. You finally worked out what Emo music is, only to find there is an even newer thing called Screamo.
10. You always thought Ozzy Osbourne was a GOD, but then after The Osbournes you're not quite so sure.
11. You know the name of ten clubs on Sunset Strip, but have never been within 1000 miles of L.A.
12. You can remember when Bon Jovi were metal.
13. You remember where you were when you found out Rob Halford from Judas Priest was gay, and then decided you don't give a fuck anyway, because Halford IS GOD!
14. You ever wondered where all that leather and studs imagery worn by Rob Halford came from anyway, and then realised there was a guy in the Village People who dressed exactly the same.
15. You get in arguments at parties about whether Led Zeppelin are heavy metal or not, (and they are).
16. Whenever you pose for a family photo you automatically flip the devils horns and stick your tongue out.
17. You have embarrassing photos of yourself wearing a bouffant hair style and fluoro spandex.
18. You have kids and they also wear black T-shirts and listen to metal, and your family comments about the bad influence you are on them.
19. You make comments to complete strangers when walking down the street about the heavy metal T-shirt they're wearing.
20. The complete stranger responds with "Yeah!" and flips you the devils horns.
21. You're suspicious of metalheads with short hair, and doubt whether they're 'really into it'.
22. You have a friend who wears leopard print spandex pants to gigs, and that's ok with you.
23. You have another friend who dresses up for gigs like a vampire, complete with blood, and that's ok too.
24. You have yet another friend who is a complete nerd and dresses like an accountant, but goes absolutely nuts at metal gigs, and that's ok as well.
25. You've blown a job interview or lost a job for refusing to cut your hair.
26. Your wardrobe has only two colours - black and blue denim.
27. You think anything with chrome metal studs is a great accessory for any outfit.
28. You know who Eddie is and discuss him with your friends like he's a real person.
29. You regard Ozzy-era Black Sabbath and Dio-era Black Sabbath as two completely different bands.
30. You've had arguments with friends over which era of Sabbath was the best, and the Ian Gillan era never rates a mention.
31. Your wife is sick to death of you saying "it's not a style of music, it's a lifestyle."
32. You have a special room or shed at home where you hang your metal posters, because your wife won't let you hang them in the living room anymore.
33. You can't park your car in your garage anymore because it is stacked full of boxes containing old metal magazines, and you can never throw them out because "It's history man!".
34. You have a recurring argument with your wife about you throwing out your boxes of old metal magazines to make room for the car.
35. You buy a house with a larger garage so that you don't have to throw out your boxes of old metal magazines.
36. You can remember the 70s and 80s, and you were really there.
37. You loved the first half of the movie 'Rockstar' but thought the second half sucked.
38. The scene in Rockstar where Mark Wahlberg auditions for the band still sends shivers down your spine.
39. That as the years go by your belt buckle causes you more pain when you sit down.
40. You know Gene Simmons is nothing but an egocentric money grabbing arsehole, but you still spend hundreds every year on KISS merchandise anyway.
41. You know there is nothing gay at all about Paul Stanley, despite how he dances on stage.
42. You and your metalhead friends can pinpoint the precise time when Metallica started to suck, but it's different for all of you.
43. When you first watched "The Decline of Western Civilisation:The Metal Years" back in the 80s you thought it was an excellent chronicle of metal, showing hot new up-and-coming bands who were destined to become the 'next big thing'.
44. You recently re-watched "The Decline of Western Civilisation:The Metal Years", and thanked god none of those bands made it, because you realise they were just a bunch of tossers.
45. You have specified in your will at least five metal songs that are to be played at your funeral.
46. You know that real bass players play with their fingers and not a pick.
47. You've had several arguments as to why Nicko McBrain from Iron Maiden doesn't need a double kick pedal.
48. You still scrawl desks and books with the names of your favourite metal bands, always drawn with the correct logo.
49. You remember your first metal gig (and the point you realised you're not the only freak out there) as one of the best days of your life.
50. You have a straight job, and when your workmates see you in your metal gear on the weekend they call you a 'Jekyll and Hyde' personality.
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