-
-
Best appetite gag gets a prize
fuck your fucking framingComment
-
Comment
-
Axl seems to have found his appetite.Writing In All Proper Case Takes Extra Time, Is Confusing To Read, And Is Completely Pointless.Comment
-
Has there been any sort of lineup confirmation other than Axl and Slash?Comment
-
Supposedly the announcement is the 6th. That gives Adler a week to call and beg Axl to let him back in.Writing In All Proper Case Takes Extra Time, Is Confusing To Read, And Is Completely Pointless.Comment
-
I don't know. I bet Achwel is all picky and shit and demands all this fancy shmancy crap nobody else likes. Now if I was filling out the rider it would be:
Tacos - There will be 200 crunchy Taco Supremes and 200 soft Taco Supremes in the band/guest/party room. The tacos are to be catered by the local Taco Bell and will be assembled exactly 30 minutes after the singer leaves the stage. The tacos are to be kept at optimal Taco Temperature at all times.
Nachos - Again, catered by the local Taco Bell. Fresh chips for 200 people will be provided, along with a giant pot of that fake cheese Taco Bell pours over their nachos. Additionally, there is to be fresh seasoned beef, steak, and chicken provided by said Taco Bell. Plus all the other shit they put on their nachos.
Guacamole - The venue will provide an illegal Mexican dude who will make fresh guacamole upon request.
Fried Chicken - There will be enough fried chicken for 100 people. Legs, thighs, and breasts only. This will be prepared at the venue according to the singer's own recipe (see attached addendum)
Barbecued Meatballs - Three hundred barbecued meatballs are to be prepared using the singer's special recipe and using the sauce he provides.
Cilantro - There will be NO Cilantro anywhere in the backstage area.
Barbecued Weenies - The venue will provide 200 cocktail weenies to be cooked per the singer's special recipe and with his sauce.
Beverages: The venue will provide 50 cases of Natural Ice IN CANS ONLY! Said cheap beers are to be kept at exactly 34 degrees at all times.
All cutlery is to be the cheap white shit that breaks when you try to use it to cut something.
Wine Coolers: The venue will provide 200 bottles of variously fruity flavored wine coolers. Bitches love that shit.
Moonshine: The venue will provide one dozen jars of Junior Johnson's Midnight Moon moonshine, kept at room temperature. Six plain white party likker, and six of any other flavors.
Soda: The venue will provide a dozen two liters of caffeine free Diet Coke, chilled to precisely 37 degrees and kept in the singer's dressing/Cosby room. Plus we need about a hundred two liter sodas for the party room. Stuff like Coke, Diet Coke, and Diet Mtn Dew (cause that's what Jr dranks!)
Snacks: The venue will provide 50 large bags of assorted Lay's potato chips, 20 large bags of regular Doritos and 20 large bags of Cool Ranch Doritos. Also, 20 pounds of M&Ms, all brown. Plus some pretzels and other shit like that.
Lube - The venue will provide 10 bottles of KY Liquid Silk with Vitamin E, all to be placed in the singer's dressing/Cosby room.
Towels: The venue will provide 37 large extra fluffy towels from The Biltmore Collection for the singer. The rest of the band can use napkins for all I care.
Toilet Paper: The venue will provide two dozen rolls of Walmart brand toilet paper for the singer. The rest of the band, who cares.
Hookers: The venue will provide 37 hot ass Hookers. The Hookers will be hand picked by the singer's assistant Vandy. Said hookers will be kept in a room adjacent to the singer's dressing/Cosby room. Hookers shall consist of a dozen Barely Legals, a dozen Girls Next Door, six MILFs, six Cougars, and one Trannie. Not that he's into that sort of thing.
Condoms: What are those?
Party Favors: The venue will provide two kilos of primo blow (cocaine). Not the stepped on shit either - it had better smell and taste like diesel. Also, the venue will provide precisely five pounds of ludes or similar type drugs. Ther will be absolutely NO heroin or other bad drugs allowed. Oh yeah, toss in a pound of weed for the goddamn hippies.
Cigarettes: The venue will provide two cartons of Marlboro Special Blends shorts in the gold boxes, all to be kept in the singer's dressing/Cosby room.
Backstage Restrictions: Any violation of these restrictions will result in forefeiture of all guarantees and leafy green spendie monies. The band will still probably play the show but it depends on how the singer feels.
There are to be NO underage chicks backstage. The band must be provided with photocopies of the IDs of every chick allowed backstage. There will be no fags allowed backstage. Actual homosaxuals are fine, but no fags! Womarns are allowed to wear panties but there will be NO bras worn backstage. There will be no chicks on their periods backstage. I don't mind but it kinda makes Vandy sick. Cameras/phones/recording devices: hells NO! Not allowed. Absolutely NO jihadi types are allowed backstage - the singer will most likely be wearing anti jihadi shirts and/or hats and will probably make comments offensive to those who wish to destroy America.
Consent/Non-disclosure forms: All backstage party goers must sign a form that verifies they are of the age of consent in whatever state we are in at the time. Also, they must indicate that they will tell everybody that the singer was super cool and that they willingly gave up their girlfriends and that they pledge allegiance to The Confederate States of America and that they like Jesus. Arab Jesus or Jewish Jesus or Native American Jesus (gross) - they don't count. White or Black Jesus only.
Oh yeah, one last thing: under no circumstances is anyone who says his name is Warf or Ric Flair allowed backstage. The actual Ric Flair will already be backstage so don't be fooled. Also, anyone who has a brother named Pete may be allowed backstage but cannot eat or drank or bangulate any of the chicks. He'll be fine with that - he's used to sitting on the fence.
Lastly, if Von shows up please take him to the handicapped VIP Section. He's older than hell. If he shows up before showtime, please take him to the TV Room where he can watch one of these new things called movies.
And lastly again, the singer is to be paid upon arrival at the venue. Monies will be wired to his special Swiss account. Plus you have to hand him a cold Natural Ice when he steps out of his armored Suburban. No one may make direct eye contact with the singer or speak to him unless he speaks first. Plus you can't touch him or make rude comments about his clothes, which will most likely be either a Top Gun jacket or some sort of Miami Vice Crockett lookin outfit. Cause they're cool as hell and you wish you could afford them.
Here's to a great show!!Last edited by DONNIEP; 12-30-2015, 09:09 PM.American by birth. Southern by the grace of God.
Comment
-
THAT might be a good double bill.
It'd be a requirement for me that G n R have a good band(s) playing on the bill with them before I'd even consider seeing a hypothetical reunion tour show.
G n R aren't in the same boat as Van Halen is to me, where I could really give a shit WHO opens for Van Halen. With their history of starting way late and walking off before completing 90 minutes onstage, I'd need a decent group I'd have an interest in seeing open up the show. THAT way, should Axl pull his pussy diva shit, I won't feel totally skunked in terms of what I paid to see them.Scramby eggs and bacon.Comment
-
Comment
Tweet
Comment