Joke thread

[Mr Walker]

What does a stripper do to her asshole before she goes to work?

Drops him off at band practice.

[Bob_R]

The sausage and the cat

One day a small cat was sitting hungry by a river when a small chipalata sausage came flowing past....the cat used his paw to get the chipalata and managed to not even get it wet. The cat was happy!

The next day the day was equally as hungry when a larger sausage came flowing past in the river, the cat dipped its paw in to get the sausage and only got its paw marginally wet, the cat was happy!

The next day the cat was absolutely starving when a massive frankfurt wopper came flowing past..the cat dipped his paw in to get it but fell in! However the cat retrieved the sausage and was happy.

The moral or the story is.............the bigger the sausage....the wetter the pussy!

[houseofpain]

How do you know if your roomate is gay?

His dick tastes like shit.

[houseofpain]

What does 80 year old pussy taste like?

depends...

[houseofpain]

guy walks into a bar, looks at the bar tender says, "give me a shot of Jack".
Bar tender sets him up, he throws it back, slams his shot glass, looks at the bartender says, give me another. So the process repeats itself until he's had 12 shots of Jack.

The bartender says, wow, you must be celebrating something really special.
The guy says, yeah, I sure am. My first blowjob.
The bartender says, well hell that is special! The next one is on me.
The guy says, no thanks. If 12 doesn't get the taste out of my mouth, nothing is going to.

[High Life Man]

What is Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett and Ed McMahon getting for Christmas?




Patrick Swayze

[Bandit02tn]

A Blonde, Redhead and a Brunette were in the OBG/YN office and the Brunette said that thye were having a boy because she was on top, the Redhead said they wer having a girl because her husband was on top.....all of a sudden the Blonde starts crying her eyes out she says"Oh my God we are having puppies

[Bob_R]

0 to 200 in 6 seconds

Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
really pissed.

She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Bob has been missing since Friday.

[Hardrock69]

A salesman goes up to a house and knocks on the front door.

It's opened by a little ten year old boy who has a lighted cigar in one hand, a glass of whiskey in the other and a Penthouse magazine tucked under his arm.

The salesman says "Hello son, Is your mom or dad home?".

The little boy says, "What the fuck do you think?"

[standin]

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[Anonymous]

What, got a sense of humour all of a sudden? No one cares about your Youtubes, bitch. They're as fucked up as you are.

* * * * * *

To keep the subject:

Girl Potato and Boy Potato had eyes for each other. They finally got married and had a little sweet potato, which they called "Yam." When it was time, they told her about the facts of life. They warned her about going out and getting half-baked, so she wouldn't get accidentally mashed and get a bad name for herself like "Hot Potato" and end up with a bunch of Tater Tots. Yam said not to worry, no Spud would get her into the sack and make a Rotten Potato out of her. On the other hand, she didn't intend to stay home and become a Couch Potato. She got plenty of exercise so as not to be skinny like her Shoestring cousins. And she was careful to avoid those hard-boiled guys from Ireland and those greasers, the French Fries. She even avoided going out west, so she wouldn't get scalloped. Yam didn't associate with snooty Yukon Golds or those loose ones who ride around in trucks labeled, "Frito Lay." Yam went to Potato University so that, when she graduated, she'd be in the Chips. But when Yam came home and announced she was going to marry Tom Brokaw, Mr. and Mrs. Potato were devastated. "You can't possibly marry Tom Brokaw," they cried. "He's just... a common tater!"

Cheers! :bottle:

[Guitar Shark]

A man is driving down a road, and a woman is driving up the same road.

When they pass each other the woman yells out the window, "PIG!" The man yells back, "BITCH!"

The man rounds the next curve and crashes into a huge pig in the middle of the road and he dies.

That is a very strange joke.

[Guitar Shark]

Indeed.

[Terry]

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

9/11.

9/11 who?

You swore you'd never forget!!

[standin]

How do you get in touch with a terrorist?

Call his cell.

OMG, that's classic!