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No! You can't have the keys to the wine cellar! -
Jesus it's cold outside. It's so cold I actually saw a Democrat with his hands in his own pocketsComment
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Might as well...Why settle for something you have, if it's not as good as something you're out to get?
Originally posted by SeshmeisterIt's like putting up a YouTube of Bach and playing Chopstix on your Bontempi...
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My mate loaned me a porn DVD last night so today I thought I would check it out . So I put it in and start watching it but thought this is a bit crap it's just a fat bloke holding his cock.
Then I realised I hadn't turned the tv on.
fuck your fucking framingComment
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I asked my woman what she would do if I won the lottery. She said "I would take half the money, and leave you!"
I said "Well that's fine, 'cause I just won ten bucks.....here's five, now hit the road!"Comment
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Talking to a guy who'd been married to his wife for 38 years. I said "Damn, that's a long time! What's your secret?"
He says "On our 30th anniversary, I took her to Tahiti. Going back to Tahiti for our 40th....to see how she's doing. Maybe even bring her back this time."
Genius!
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The common point between Xmas tree balls and a priest's: both are just for decoration.posted by Ellyllions Men say, "I'll never understand women." That's a very lonely place to be if you're a woman because we don't understand half of what we do either.posted by ALinChainz Katy, Pipe down, pump off, and fly back to your cave you old bat.Comment
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My wife told me to kiss her where it smells funny. So I took her to Miami.A NATION OF COWARDS - Jeffrey R. SnyderComment
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Two guys are at work comparing notes on what they got their wives for Valentine's Day:
First guy says "I got her a dozen roses, some earrings, and we're going out to dinner". Second guy replies "that's nice... I got my wife a couple things too".
"Oh yeah" says first guy, "what did you get her?".
Second guy replies "I got her a sundress and a dildo". First guy looks puzzled and says "that's an odd combination - why'd you get her those two things?".
Second guy says "oh, that's easy... if she doesn't like the dress she can go fuck herself".Comment
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Two women decide to have a girls' night out at the local bar. So they both get dressed up and go out. After a night of innocent boozing, they decide it's time to go and decide to walk home. About half way home, both have to go to the bathroom really badly. So the one woman says "we can go into the graveyard and pee behind the stones" to save their dignity.
One of the woman, after peeing, realizes she has no toilet paper, obviously, so she takes her cotton panties and wipes herself with them. The other woman is wearing an expensive Victoria's Secret underwear box set, so there's no way she's doing that. Looking around, she sees a wreath on the headstone on a fallen firefighter. So she takes part of the ribbon off it and wipes herself. Both women drunkenly wander home.
The next day, their husbands on are the phone. The one guy says, "you know, these 'girls-nights-out' have to stop. My wife came home last night with no underwear on!"
The other guy says, "you think that's bad, my wife came home with a thank you card on her ass from the local fire company saying 'we will never forget you!'"...Comment
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Missus left a note on the fridge, saying its not working, I'm staying at mum's for a while!
I opened it light came on and the beer was cold. Fuck knows what she was on about!fuck your fucking framingComment
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A guy asks the girl he's just had sex with: "You're a nurse, aren't you?"
She replies: "Nope. Why?"
He says: "You clean your hands before and after."
She goes: "And you, are you an anaesthetist?"
He answers: "No, I'm not. Why?"
She says nonchalantly: "Well, I didn't feel anything."posted by Ellyllions Men say, "I'll never understand women." That's a very lonely place to be if you're a woman because we don't understand half of what we do either.posted by ALinChainz Katy, Pipe down, pump off, and fly back to your cave you old bat.Comment
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A doctor prescribes:
"In the evening, leave your problems at the bed end and try to get some rest.
-- Oh, but I can't do that, Doctor, the patient replies.
-- Why can't you?
-- My wife will never accept to sleep on the floor!"posted by Ellyllions Men say, "I'll never understand women." That's a very lonely place to be if you're a woman because we don't understand half of what we do either.posted by ALinChainz Katy, Pipe down, pump off, and fly back to your cave you old bat.Comment
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