Richard Pryor would've made a great president...
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how 'bout this one ??
Boudreaux and Thibodeaux took a trip to Scotland and walked into a pub, and after several hours of steady drinking, they witnessed a Scot who suddenly fell backwards off of the barstool and onto the floor, passed out cold, kilt over his head, and a Steel Panther backstage pass rammed up his arse. Boudreaux looks at Thib, looks up at the bartender, and remarks, "Dat's what I like about dem Scots. Dey knows when dey done had enough to drink."
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Two very uptight chicks are talking about their deep wish and pride of never ever having sex.
One of them is obviously pregnant, so the other goes:
Bertha: I thought you would never have sex just like I never will?
Margaret: I've found a doctor who can help you get pregnant without having to.
He is repellently ugly, but very efficient - just look at me...
Bertha: Oh, really? Give me his address, I must try!
So Bertha gets an appointment with that doctor, who is very ugly indeed.
Doc: So, are you sure you want to have a baby?
Bertha: Absolutely. I've always wanted to be a mother,
but could never bear the idea of succumbing to flesh...
Doc: I have what you need. Are you attracted to men
anyway? Do you have any ideal of man?
Bertha: Oh, sure! I'm fond of Brad Pitt.
Doc: All right. Take this pill and think really hard about Brad Pitt.
Then Bertha collapses, and the doctor rushes to abuse her like a beast:
Doc: I'll give you some Brad Pitt, I'll give you some uhuhuhuhuhuhuhuh...posted by Ellyllions Men say, "I'll never understand women." That's a very lonely place to be if you're a woman because we don't understand half of what we do either.posted by ALinChainz Katy, Pipe down, pump off, and fly back to your cave you old bat.Comment
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Newflash...Jokes are supposed to be funny...rape is not funny."Ya know what they say about angels... An angel is a supernatural being or spirit, usually humanoid in form, found in various religions and mythologies. Plus Roth fan boards..."- ZahZoo April 2013Comment
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posted by Ellyllions Men say, "I'll never understand women." That's a very lonely place to be if you're a woman because we don't understand half of what we do either.posted by ALinChainz Katy, Pipe down, pump off, and fly back to your cave you old bat.Comment
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"Ya know what they say about angels... An angel is a supernatural being or spirit, usually humanoid in form, found in various religions and mythologies. Plus Roth fan boards..."- ZahZoo April 2013Comment
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The scene takes place in a Buddhist temple.
Disciple : Master, could you teach me the difference between a woman and a pearl?
Master : The difference, humble little beetle, is that you can slip into a pearl at both ends, whereas you can only slip into a woman at one..
Disciple (confuzed) : But, Master, shame on me to contradict your Himalayan wisdom, but I heard some women let themselves slip into at both ends...
Master (slightly smiling back): Those aren't women, they're pearls.Last edited by Jérôme Frenchise; 04-29-2014, 11:16 AM.posted by Ellyllions Men say, "I'll never understand women." That's a very lonely place to be if you're a woman because we don't understand half of what we do either.posted by ALinChainz Katy, Pipe down, pump off, and fly back to your cave you old bat.Comment
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Some of the finalists for funniest joke of the Fringe Festival 2014
1. "I've decided to sell my Hoover... well, it was just collecting dust" - Tim Vine.
2. "I've written a joke about a fat badger, but I couldn't fit it into my set" - Masai Graham.
3. "Always leave them wanting more, my uncle used to say to me. Which is why he lost his job in disaster relief" - Mark Watson.
4. "I was given some Sudoku toilet paper. It didn't work. You could only fill it in with number ones and number twos" - Bec Hill.
5. "I wanted to do a show about feminism. But my husband wouldn't let me" - Ria Lina.
6. "Money can't buy you happiness? Well, check this out, I bought myself a Happy Meal" - Paul F Taylor.
7. "Scotland had oil, but it's running out thanks to all that deep frying" - Scott Capurro.
8. "I've been married for 10 years, I haven't made a decision for seven" - Jason Cook.
9. "This show is about perception and perspective. But it depends how you look at it" - Felicity Ward.fuck your fucking framingComment
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