a few questions about Jesus....

[Redballjets88]

if you read the actual scriptures you would realize that everyone of your questions are retarded

[bueno bob]

Blessed be ALAN! Gratest of all panthers!

Grab it. Blessed be.

[Terry]

All moot.

Jesus is a myth.

[bueno bob]

Originally posted by Terry
All moot.

Jesus is a myth.

But ALAN is real...

[Coyote]

"Is this the real life, Is this just fantasy..."

[bueno bob]

"Caught in a landside...Larg is reality..."

[Ally_Kat]

But guys, can't we all get along and band against hte Scientologist. I mean, Xenu! He doesn't even offer any good philosophies. Just crazy actors.

[Coyote]

Originally posted by Ally_Kat
But guys, can't we all get along and band against hte Scientologist. I mean, Xenu! He doesn't even offer any good philosophies. Just crazy actors.

For some reason, a scene from Monty Python's "Life Of Brian" popped into my consciousness...

[Coyote]

This one!


BRIAN:
Brothers! Brothers! We should be struggling together!

FRANCIS:
We are!

BRIAN:
We mustn't fight each other! Surely we should be united against the common enemy!

EVERYONE:
The Judean People's Front?!

BRIAN:
No, no! The Romans!

EVERYONE:
Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yes.

[Blackflag]

Originally posted by Ally_Kat
But guys, can't we all get along and band against hte Scientologist. I mean, Xenu! He doesn't even offer any good philosophies. Just crazy actors.

Oh, come on...if Vinny Babarino says it's good, it must be good.

[Coyote]

Vinny who?

[FORD]

You mean "Welcome Back Kotter" reruns never made it to Finland??


Vinny Barbarino was John Revolta's first real acting job on this mid-70's TV series about a "gang" called the "Sweathogs".

[Ally_Kat]

Originally posted by Blackflag
Oh, come on...if Vinny Babarino says it's good, it must be good.

As much as I love Travolta, I still think he made a crap decision joining that cult. Read some of the practices. It's all about breaking family bonds and praising L Ron and his ways.

John needs to get out of that cult and give his autistic son the help he needs. I mean, if his brother is making a documentary about it, that's a sign something's going on.

[Shaun Ponsonby]

I'm going to level with all of you. I know the truth about the Bible. It didn't happen in the middle east at all. How could it? Nobody knew where they were back then. People used to walk round saying "where are we? Do you know where we are? I wish an explorer would come and tell us where we are". There was actually only one person amongst the disciples who was from the middle east, and that will be revealed later.

It actually happened in my hometown of Liverpool. Mary the Slut gave birth to a love child called Jesus. She'd manged to convince her husband, Joseph the coke user, that God had made her pregnant. Sadly, the night she went into labour, a load of chavs petrol-bombed their house, and they had to go over to the garage.

Jesus was born in the garage. There were no shepards in sight. Think about it. Mary was pregnant-she had a craven. And she was English. She craved Shepherds pie. And the 3 wise men? NO. The 3 civil servants. The Bin Man, The Post Man and the Milk Man-who brought Milk, Letters and Bin Bags.

Sadly, Jesus had a hard life. His dad went missing after he lost a sausage-which isn't something you want to happen to you-BELIEVE ME. His mother raised him alone. For his 8th Birthday she got him a Houdini Magic Set, and his interest in magic grew. He became an alcoholic 10 years later. His mother was heartbroken, particulary when he started to believe that he could make his own wine using nothing but water and a pair of slippers.

We now fastforward to a few years later. It was all going well with Jesus the alcoholic magician and his heroin addicted disciples. They were performing magic tricks all over town. It all started to go wrong one Sunday when they all stole horses from those Policemen you see riding them, and rode around this park. The policeman in question was throwing branches from palm trees at him to stop him, but they just carried on. Anyways, he left them outside Lime Street Railway Station and basically laid low for a few days.

On Thursday, Jesus, and his disciples decided to have a party. Jesus drank a bit too much wine and his disciples were sticking all kinds in their arms. So much so, that they started attacking their leader, which wasn't very nice. "Ah, Nah, lads," he said, "stop it, lah, or I'll get me Da to smite ye an' that".

Peter didn't care, he just said, "Ah, ye, but, I know Macca, Lad. He's from Scotty Rrrroad, he's f*ckin' well 'aaaard. He'd kick your da's arse any day, lad".

Then, John made a silly suggestion, "Ah, lad, lets eat 'is body an' drrrrink 'is blood, lad"

And, thus, these so-called friends started eating Jesus, the alcoholic magician. All except Judas. He was having none of it-in fact he went and reported the crime. He was the only person amongst the group who was actually from the middle east and owned a small shop at the corner Hawthorne Road, and his English wan't that good. He ran to a police station and said "Cannibal. Jesus. Need Help." Of course, the police remembered it was Jesus who stole their horses and said "Ah, so he's gone from theft to cannabalism, has he? We'll see about that." So, they went to arrested Jesus, not thinking that he himself might not actually be the cannibal. They found him out in the garden and brought him in. Judas was standing by, he went to run away when the others saw him, sadly his neck was caught in the swing that was attatched to the tree, and he slipped and he choked to death.

So Jesus was found guilty. That night, mind. No need to hurry it along that quickly. Basically, they just shoved him jail. They let him out for a few hours on Friday so he could participate in a charity race. There was a bunch of people with crosses running for Cancer Reasearch. Jesus got tired halfway through and a little nap on the cross. He woke up to find that some joker had nailed him to it and stood it up straight. He was a little bit miffed. He eventually passed out, the police found him eventually, and just shoved him in a nearby cave, because it was Friday, and they wanted to go down Matthew Street that night. If they took him back they'd have loads of paperwork to do. So they just shoved him in there.

A little known fact about Jesus-he was chlostraphobic. He couldn't handle being stuck inside this little cave. Luckily, he'd been watching "Prison Break" on Channel 5, and used Hooke's Law to get out of there. It was Sunday by the time he got out, and he went to see his so-called friends who tried to eat him. They apologised, but that wasn't enough. He was finished with Liverpool and decided to go and see his dad, who lived with his new wife in Wales. He went into a rehab centre and got over his addiction to alcohol.

A few years ago he changed his name. He called himself after his favourite Charles Dickens Book-David Copperfield. He was going to call himself "Great Expectations", but it didn't have the same ring to it. He carried on doing magic tricks and recently did a dance just because he felt like it.

And that is what really happened.

THE END

[Sarge's Little Helper]

I'm going to level with all of you. I know the truth about the Bible. It didn't happen in the middle east at all. How could it? Nobody knew where they were back then. People used to walk round saying "where are we? Do you know where we are? I wish an explorer would come and tell us where we are". There was actually only one person amongst the disciples who was from the middle east, and that will be revealed later.

It actually happened in my hometown of Liverpool. Mary the Slut gave birth to a love child called Jesus. She'd manged to convince her husband, Joseph the coke user, that God had made her pregnant. Sadly, the night she went into labour, a load of chavs petrol-bombed their house, and they had to go over to the garage.

Jesus was born in the garage. There were no shepards in sight. Think about it. Mary was pregnant-she had a craven. And she was English. She craved Shepherds pie. And the 3 wise men? NO. The 3 civil servants. The Bin Man, The Post Man and the Milk Man-who brought Milk, Letters and Bin Bags.

Sadly, Jesus had a hard life. His dad went missing after he lost a sausage-which isn't something you want to happen to you-BELIEVE ME. His mother raised him alone. For his 8th Birthday she got him a Houdini Magic Set, and his interest in magic grew. He became an alcoholic 10 years later. His mother was heartbroken, particulary when he started to believe that he could make his own wine using nothing but water and a pair of slippers.

We now fastforward to a few years later. It was all going well with Jesus the alcoholic magician and his heroin addicted disciples. They were performing magic tricks all over town. It all started to go wrong one Sunday when they all stole horses from those Policemen you see riding them, and rode around this park. The policeman in question was throwing branches from palm trees at him to stop him, but they just carried on. Anyways, he left them outside Lime Street Railway Station and basically laid low for a few days.

On Thursday, Jesus, and his disciples decided to have a party. Jesus drank a bit too much wine and his disciples were sticking all kinds in their arms. So much so, that they started attacking their leader, which wasn't very nice. "Ah, Nah, lads," he said, "stop it, lah, or I'll get me Da to smite ye an' that".

Peter didn't care, he just said, "Ah, ye, but, I know Macca, Lad. He's from Scotty Rrrroad, he's f*ckin' well 'aaaard. He'd kick your da's arse any day, lad".

Then, John made a silly suggestion, "Ah, lad, lets eat 'is body an' drrrrink 'is blood, lad"

And, thus, these so-called friends started eating Jesus, the alcoholic magician. All except Judas. He was having none of it-in fact he went and reported the crime. He was the only person amongst the group who was actually from the middle east and owned a small shop at the corner Hawthorne Road, and his English wan't that good. He ran to a police station and said "Cannibal. Jesus. Need Help." Of course, the police remembered it was Jesus who stole their horses and said "Ah, so he's gone from theft to cannabalism, has he? We'll see about that." So, they went to arrested Jesus, not thinking that he himself might not actually be the cannibal. They found him out in the garden and brought him in. Judas was standing by, he went to run away when the others saw him, sadly his neck was caught in the swing that was attatched to the tree, and he slipped and he choked to death.

So Jesus was found guilty. That night, mind. No need to hurry it along that quickly. Basically, they just shoved him jail. They let him out for a few hours on Friday so he could participate in a charity race. There was a bunch of people with crosses running for Cancer Reasearch. Jesus got tired halfway through and a little nap on the cross. He woke up to find that some joker had nailed him to it and stood it up straight. He was a little bit miffed. He eventually passed out, the police found him eventually, and just shoved him in a nearby cave, because it was Friday, and they wanted to go down Matthew Street that night. If they took him back they'd have loads of paperwork to do. So they just shoved him in there.

A little known fact about Jesus-he was chlostraphobic. He couldn't handle being stuck inside this little cave. Luckily, he'd been watching "Prison Break" on Channel 5, and used Hooke's Law to get out of there. It was Sunday by the time he got out, and he went to see his so-called friends who tried to eat him. They apologised, but that wasn't enough. He was finished with Liverpool and decided to go and see his dad, who lived with his new wife in Wales. He went into a rehab centre and got over his addiction to alcohol.

A few years ago he changed his name. He called himself after his favourite Charles Dickens Book-David Copperfield. He was going to call himself "Great Expectations", but it didn't have the same ring to it. He carried on doing magic tricks and recently did a dance just because he felt like it.

And that is what really happened.

THE END

Oops. I wasn't paying attention. Tell me again what is going on.