Embarrassing...split the end of my penis open

[bueno bob]

Originally posted by LoungeMachine
Glass coffee table.

Hotel Room.

Unlimited Alcohol.

You do the math.

What are you, some kind of rock star or something?

Jesus, man, get a grip...

[Hardrock69]

LMFAO!

He did....on the coffee table.

THen he lost it.

[bueno bob]

Ha ha! Owned by the coffee table!

The Star will be jealous...

[Shaun Ponsonby]

Well, thanks for sharing...I think.

[Susie Q]

Re: Embarrassing...split the end of my penis open

Originally posted by Roy Munson
I have sufferred from sexual addiction for years now. My wife can never keep up so I jack my meat almost every day.

My problem has been that my hand gets "old", old as in I get sick of using it and i'm always looking for other ways to get my dink that tingly feeling that makes me shot spunk like a water gun.

I found a really cool trick, or so I thought, were I could get off "hands-free" while doing it in a doggy-style manner! I found that when I'm on my knees by my bed I could lift up my mattress and put my dick between the mattress and box spring. It's the perfect height. I put a couple of wet, KY-soaked rags in there and inserted my dick into them. AWESOME!

Well, I started fucking this contraption like a madman all the while thinking about butt-fucking huge black booty. It felt really tight and was clamping down on my dick like a vice press.

I kept pounding the shit out of it until I got a little carried away and my 10 inch schlong popped out for a nanosecond. The problem was that I was still in full thrust mode and when my dick hit the mattress's it just split wide open at the tip. I'VE NEVER SEEN THAT MUCH BLOOD IN MY ENTIRE LIFE.

I had to run myself up to the clinic. I used a huge bath towel to cover my hamburger-ized member. It was so fuckin' embarrassing I can't even tell you how my face must have looked.

I have never seen a nurse look so sickened and impressed all at the same time, though.

47 stiches later...

Jesus Munson, Roy Munson! LOL!! I read this story and about half way into it I was like, :eek: !

[Roy Munson]

Re: Re: Embarrassing...split the end of my penis open

Originally posted by Susie Q
Jesus Munson, Roy Munson! LOL!! I read this story and about half way into it I was like, :eek: !

Sweet Susie!!! Wassup?

Now I'm really embarrassed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[bantonelli]

Originally posted by LoungeMachine
Honey, I fucked the Serta.


Brings a whole new meaning to "Hit The Matresses"


Were you counting sheep?


Okay, that's it. I'm out.



Assuming for the moment that this ISNT a "jizzystool moment", and this story is true............

a] how do you explain this to the wife?

b] ever heard of a MISTRESS, NOT A MATTRESS?

c] 47 stitches? c'mon.

I opened my calf years ago and had 2 hours of surgery to repair an 18 inch gash, ........and it only took 40 stitches.


10" or not....my calf is a helluva lot bigger than your pecker.

OFF THE WALL HILARIOUS !!!!!

[Nitro Express]

If I shoved a bunch of KY soaked rags between the box springs and the matress and shot a load in there or cut myself doing it making a bloody mess, my wife would end the problem by using the Chinese chef knife in the kitchen to remove the source of the problem.

If I want to die, all I have to do is put a stain on the new King Size matress set in the bedroom.

[Cathedral]

Hey Roy, when that puppy heals, take a walk through your fruit section at the super market.
You'll find various other options to get the job done.

And then you make a nice tangy fruit salad for the wife to take to lunch.

Canalope, it's more than just a fruit, it's heaven.

[MERRYKISSMASS2U]

Everyone is 10'' on the Internet!

[ace diamond]

Originally posted by MERRYKISSMASS2U
Everyone is 10'' on the Internet!

not true. i have the worlds smallest penis. i haven't been laid in over a year.

[ace diamond]

hey roy.......you really managed to munson your member!!!!!!!

[ace diamond]

actually, i have a difficult time believing the 47 stitches part.
20 years ago i had a horrible hiking accident and busted my left knee open,all the way down to my ankle. 1 prosthetic kneecap,4 hours of surgery without anesthetic and wide awake and watching the whole thing,387stitches,and 20 years later........roy munson.......I'M CALLING BULLSHIT ON YOU.

[blonddgirl777]

Originally posted by LoungeMachine
... 10" or not....my calf is a helluva lot bigger than your pecker.

Or maybe not? :eek:

[blonddgirl777]

And if it's THAT big...
I've seen a movie with Ron Jejemy once, where he was giving himself his own blow job...

TRY IT! (when they remove the stitches)...