The Sheep Pen

[Unchainme]

Oh my god it's a mirage, I'm trying tell y'all it's Sabotage..

[Dan]

One Nice Salad Coming Up.:D

[bueno bob]

Good to see you, Rikk. I know you're a busy guy with a real life, but it certainly is nice to see you stop by around the campground here once in a blue moon.

I definitely think you should make post 20,000 though. Just sayin'.

You up for it? I think it's only fitting, personally, and as a (still) proud Pen member, it would please me to NO end to see it happen.

[Bill Lumbergh]

That's SEVENTEEN kids now Bob....including the 2 midgets you randomly left at my house. FUCK, IT MAKES ME SO MAD!

[DLR7884]

This thread will never close.

DLR7884
Good to see ya Rikk!!!

[Unchainme]

Wanna preach to the choir a bit, but fuck it, I feel up to it.

Still don't understand how there's people out there who consider something like OU812 a great rock record, up there with something like Zep IV or better than anything the Roth-Era Van Halen released.

Did these people have a lobotomy recently?

[chefcraig]

Yeah, I know this is going to be somewhat unusual, yet I'd like to make a solid point here.

I initially dorked my way onto the internet sometime in 2002. That's when I joined the army, with what you could pretty much call a two soup cans and a string dial-up service. When electricity came to town a couple years later, I started posting at this site.

Two guys welcomed my contributions here. One was Rikk, the other a dufus named Bill Lumbergh. Now I'm fairly certain they will not recall today their decency and generosity toward a new moron from back then, but I (being that fuckin' moron) won't forget it.

Look, times have changed, and it seems that earnest new posters have given way to either young, clue-free imbeciles with little (if any) sense of musical history, or equally clueless troll-ish characters that have been banished from Motley Crue or Poison boards. (The idea that either things might actually exist, let alone have policy standards is nightmarish enough to consider, so I'll leave it at that.)

My point here is to offer some sincere respect and thanks to guys that represent to me the "old guard". Your contributions were pretty damned cool, and again, thanks for the decency.

craig

[Rikk]

Good to see you, Rikk. I know you're a busy guy with a real life, but it certainly is nice to see you stop by around the campground here once in a blue moon.

Feels good to stop by. You forget about something, then you randomly come across it and the blood starts flowing...damn this is fun...

...as a vacation...

I definitely think you should make post 20,000 though. Just sayin'.

You up for it? I think it's only fitting, personally, and as a (still) proud Pen member, it would please me to NO end to see it happen.

Thank you, old friend. Y'know, I'd be honored. Let's do it. Now, if I've disappeared into the mystic again by the time 20,000 is getting near, shoot me an e-mail or Facebook message and I'll jump right on and get ready to post it. I'll even have a good message ready to go...

Nice to see you, ROBERT.

[DLR7884]

***CLASSIC PEN POST***

Just reading through hundreds of old pages of this thread and wanted to share another classic Rikk post....enjoy.

* * * * * SHEEP PEN ANNOUNCEMENT * * * * *
let's once again round up our Pen Admin. list...


RIKK

RIKK is among the most loved and cherished posters at the Army. His friendliness knows no bounds. His caring and brush-off nature is legendary in these parts. Well-respected and highly-intellectual poster VH LINKS SUCKS once called him: "Maybe the nicest person I've ever come across on the internet." Super-intelligent and well-liked alias FASTER PUSSYGUNT calls RIKK: "Maybe my best friend in real life. I can't believe how well we've always gotten along. He is so great, it just makes me so happy thinking about how good we've been for each other. Just a fantastic human being that I can't envision anyone having a problem with. I'm in love, you know." RIKK currently resides in Iwo Jima and enjoys Sugar-Free Rice Krispie Treats. He is Head Priest of the Church of ALAN THE PANTHER, the greatest of all the panthers. He also is proud that the Pen isn't a sausage party anymore.



MATT WHITE

MATT WHITE is among the most loved and cherished posters at the Army. He began swimming when he was seventeen and is currently a world class swimmer and athlete. He is also the inventer of the two-second handjob and has killed four people with a hammer. His other PEN members praise him...BILL LUMBERGH: "When I think of MATT WHITE, I think of how much one person can hate another sorry sack of shit. Fuck him and his argumentative bullshit." BUENO BOB: "MATT is so fucking argumentative that it makes me so angry. I get so mad I want to hit him with a pool cue until he's dead and then hit him some more. I need fruit roll-ups and my dick is itchy. Larg!!" MATT currently resides on SHANNON DOHERTY's front lawn and is hoping to "tell her off" for quitting SCARE TACTICS when she was at her career peak. He is the coiner of the phrase: "Bring me the head of STEPHEN BALDWIN." He also digs the early years of the Osmonds and is looking to purchase a used copy of their box set. If you would like to do said business or if you would just like to send someone random insults, please e-mail Matt at lsmith@hotmail.com.



BILL LUMBERGH

BILL LUMBERGH is among the most loved and cherished posters at the Army. He is unique among the SHEEP PEN Administration Staff in that he is the only open homosexual. BILL: "I love being gay. I feel so strong being with another man that it inspires me to go out and buy bagels. I love water sports. It makes me feel like I'm inside another man." BILL began collecting GEORGE MICHAEL memorabilia in the mid-80s and followed GEORGE's early concert career from arena to arena as a Whamhead. MAX: "I hate BILL LUMBERGH. There are sorry sons of bitches, and then there's BILL. When he tries to convince me that GEORGE MICHAEL has even half the talent BOY GEORGE has, I want to vomit up the secretions of the three wives I ate out last night." BILL currently resides in Dover, Delaware and is looking for work for the next three months until MICHAEL-ATHON 2005 this summer, after which he expects to spend the Fall in jail for jumping on George during his Q&A session at the Delaware convention. His greatest trait is that he never goes on breaks from the Army. He's always around...24 hours a day, 7 days a week...in stereo. "I'm always here," BILL says, "because my children aren't as important to me as the site. I have my priorities set right...I post here instead of looking after my kids." Well done, BILL!



NICK D FRESH

NICK D FRESH is among the most loved and cherished posters at the Army. He is a trouble-making buffoon that only joined the SHEEP PEN because RIKK was intending to PM the well-respected poster DIAMOND DEN to offer him the gig but he sent the PM to NICK instead. NICK is not very intelligent and he didn't understand why the PM was addressed to DIAMOND D. He assumed that the "DIAMOND D" greeting was RIKK's playful way of substituting the word "DIAMOND" for "NICK", which people would only do if discussing the jewel-like qualities of the music of NICK CARTER. NICK repsonded enthusiastically with the following PM to RIKK: "Fuck yes! I have nothing else in my life to look forward to. It's so empty and black. In fact, I was about to kill myself until you offered me this job, RIKK." RIKK took pity on the pool fool and gave him the job, though what he does around here, we don't know. Recently, he owned well-respected and loveable banned poster PETE. Everyone knows that PETE is the most well-respected, cherished, loved and sought-after posters at the Army. His dick is shrinking and he has more friends than Ted Bundy did just moments before his execution. NICK currently resides in Peking and eats two gerbils a day. He's an aerobics trainer every other week. He also is in love with ALBERT, the sort-of mascot of the Rotharmy. They plan to have kids one day, unlike BILL LUMBERGH.



BUENO BOB

BUENO BOB is among the most loved and cherished posters at the Army. GARY COLEMAN once said of him: "Dat mudda is fat! So fukkin' fat!!" ALAN THICKE agrees: "The Army is a great place. But BUENO BOB is the greatest thing about it. Without him, the place would be shit." "I consider myself a sexual man," BOB says. "My sexual prowess knows no bounds. I wake up in the morning and play with my lightsaber. Then, while I'm showering (every four mornings), I close my eyes, use the 'force', and play with my lightsaber again. I like watching recent films with cinema greats like KIRK CAMERON or TRACEY GOLD, and then I begin to play with my lightsaber. It goes on for hours...the perfect circle. Who's scruffy looking? Not this piece of Sith." ALAN THE PANTHER once said of BUENO BOB: "Larg! I hate BUENO BOB. There are sorry sons of bitches, and then there's BOB." BOB has many hates in his life. One is STAR WARS and the other is sheep. But he joined the SHEEP PEN because he thought we like to make fun of real farm sheep...you know, the kind with real wool and everything. BOB's IQ was last reported at 68. He currently resides in JAKE'S DINER out on ROUTE 64 by GRAHAM'S WORMS AND AMMO. BOB is a Dark Lord of the Sith and the apprentice of the Emperor, the egotistical "tit" RIKK.



POOP BOY

TJVHOU812 is among the most loved and cherished posters at the Army. Known to his friends and many lovers as POOP BOY, he joined the Army in the summer and was actually a SHEEP OF THE WEEK. His incessant love of all things SAMMY HAGAR, plus his knows-no-bounds stupidity made him a quick target of RIKK and his friends' "pick-on-the-smaller-person" level of fighting. RIKK: "I like to pick on people I can beat because that's the kind of integrity I possess. I also like kicking people when they're down. That's really what the Pen is all about...beating the stupid." For some reason, the PEN gang realized that POOP BOY was really one of them, and (demonstrating their insanity) they decided to have him join the Administration Staff. NICK: "POOP BOY joining the Pen was probably the greatest day of my life." DLR7884: "When I joined the Pen, POOP BOY was there to greet me with open arms. It was so fucking gay and annoying that I hit him until he bled and was crying. Then I hit him again and again until he stopped making any noise. And then I hit him some more. I hate him." POOP BOY says of his Pen status: "Being in the PEN is the greatest thing that's ever happened to me. It is so great that sometimes at night, I just can't believe my luck. My life is complete, and it's all because of the SHEEP PEN. Wow...I am just so happy, I can tell you. Gosh." POOP BOY currently resides in Nashville and is working on his second album, I Think I'll Get Drunk and Then Go Home and Hit Her.



DLR7884

DLR7884 is among the most loved and cherished posters at the Army. He is also the picture of non-judgmental, calm and loving behavior. "I am at one with the world. My karma is with the Lord, and I cannot accept that there is not good in every single soul I come across. I like to look for the good in everybody. If someone insults me, I say, 'Hey, let's work this out, brother.' I love you like I love all my brothers around the world." Ever since joining the Pen, he has had major issues with the way Pen staff get involved in fights at every step of the way. His avatar speaks peace, and he has wanted RIKK to know that fighting is not the way to solve the ARMY's problems. DLR7884: "I can't believe how much fighting goes on. And I want no part of it. I'm here to help people." His love for FABULOUS SHADOW and VH LINKS SUCKS also knows no bounds. "I love them...like they are my siblings. They are beautiful human beings. Their insanity and complete separation from the real world in their heads is part of their charm. The day they die will be a great day for everyone, but at least I'll remember the good times..." DLR7884 resides in Detroit where he leads an idyllic country life. He also (until recently) was the mentor of SAMMY'S BITCH (who was also DAVE'S BITCH at one point). But the cunt talked back to him and he's done with her. "She will pay," he promises, clenching his fists and thinking of the young 15-year-old girl.



ACADEMIC PUNK

ACADEMIC PUNK is among the most loved and cherished posters at the Army. His joining the SHEEP PEN was a natural step because the coolest posters need some place to congregate and be cool and pretend they're bigger than they really are in real life. ACADEMIC PUNK: "I'm a loser in real life. I've never worked. I've never had a girlfriend. I'm a virgin (sound familiar). I live at home and can't even read very well. My family hates me and I hate myself. Basically, I'm exactly like RIKK. He is such a fucking loser. So is POOP BOY. So is NICK. So is MATT. So is BILL. So is 7884. So is VANZILLA. So is BOB. They're all losers. RIKK asked me to join because he said having a Pen and fighting with other internet losers brings about the kind of mental stability and ego-stabilization that I could afford if I were employed and had a good health plan and were literate. I'm so thankful for the opportunity." BILL has called ACADEMIC PUNK "maybe the greatest friend of my life. I get hard when I think of him." AP is a guy that is such a fucking bleeding asshole, BILL was looking for him just the other night to ask if he could fuck him again for seconds. ACADEMIC PUNK currently resides at home where he has learned to read the names of the games on the display covers of his older brother Leon's Playstation Games. He was recently missing for three weeks, and just before his return home (where he was apparently suffering from an attack by several chickens), he was being discussed on LARRY KING LIVE. Celebrities were quoting him...Jane Fonda was fond of this one: "FUCK YOU, YOU CUNT!!! I'LL KILL YOU, GOAT FUCKING DOG-LICKER!!!" Larry King was playing old clips and telling his viewers: "AP...one of the great ones. Let's pray he comes home safe." AP was also recently excited to learn that Army Poster IMAPUSSYLICKER is actually a woman! This excited RIKK too, and now AP and RIKK are fighting over her.



VANZILLA

VANZILLA only joined the Pen because he sent RIKK a cheque for $50. RIKK: "I didn't want him in there. But how could I say no to $50? I mean, that's liquor money for one weekend for me. I have no values or integrity. I don't work, think, live, do anything, except get drunk every weekend. And VAN's $50 sure made me fucking happy and I don't care if the whole SHEEP PEN goes down the shitter just so I can lose consciousness a couple of times over a so-called 'week end' when the rest of my week isn't anything either. I also intend on taking up VAN's entire profile talking about myself..." VAN hails from Addis Ababa, Ethiopia. He was one of the first young Africans fed by Bob Geldof's LIVE AID tribute in 1985. VANZILLA: "Basically, I was lying on the ground eating sand, and Bob Geldof, Bono and Sting ran over a sand dune and shoved rice and bananas in my mouth. I hadn't eaten a proper meal for weeks, and first I threw up and then my stomach exploded. I was dead for 14 minutes until Phil Collins revived me with mouth-to-mouth. It was at this moment, hearing him whisper 'Su-su-sudio' in my ear, that I realized that I'm gay. I decided, 20 years later, to join the SHEEP PEN." VAN now runs a sand farm in New York State and wishes death upon Sally Struthers every day.



WARHAM

WARHAM is the Army's best photoshopper. He is also among RIKK's best friends at the site. Of course, once NICK found out that WARHAM was being added to the staff, he tried to have RIKK killed in a coup before the move could take place. The attempt on RIKK's life was successful, and RIKK is plenty pissed off. "I'll get him for that! He'll definitely never try that again!" RIKK promises. Meanwhile, back at the ranch, WARHAM was made a new SHEEP PEN Admin. WARHAM: "I can see myself doing many things when I join the Pen. First off, the Pen will now be about right-wing values and politics. And NICK better be in-line with them or I'll kill him. Second, I love cyber sex. I say that all the Pen Admins start having as much cyber sex as possible and then once a month, we can publish the transcripts of the best experiences. My recent cyber sex with beloved Army poster FASTER PUSSYCUNT...er...CAT is sure to be notorious and will bring erections to Rotharmy posters galore." WARHAM is indeed a funny and crazy guy. Having him join the Pen will make us even more dangerous. The SHEEP will have much to fear. The enemies of the state will have much to fear. Even ALAN is worried. The PEN is so strong right now that my dick is envious...even when FAB and I are IM'ing!!!

[

What a magical era for the PEN.

DLR7884
Good times.

[bueno bob]

Mother fucker....the stars have aligned and even 7884 has reared his ugly head.

Fuckin' A!

:D

[bueno bob]

That's SEVENTEEN kids now Bob....including the 2 midgets you randomly left at my house. FUCK, IT MAKES ME SO MAD!

Well fuck, they were eating all my food! After that night of "entertaining" Merle in your absence, you had to expect something!

[Unchainme]

fuck yeah.

awesome to see the pen go back to it's roots. This is a good thing, such good memories, like raiding the Hagar forums back in the day, kicking the 4 T's around.

[Rikk]

Jesus Christ. Those Pen Admin descriptions... Sorry to toot my own love horn, but I was just almost falling off my office chair laughing very hard.

Actually, they made me very hard.

[bueno bob]

I kinda peed my pants a little bit, actually.

Well, I kinda do that anyway, but still...

[bueno bob]

I kinda peed my pants a little bit, actually.

Well, I kinda do that anyway, but still...