Klingons for Kerry??

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  • FORD
    ROTH ARMY MODERATOR

    • Jan 2004
    • 59647

    Klingons for Kerry??

    Klingons for Kerry

    EXCLUSIVE: Straw-poll shocker! Fierce warrior race strongly backs Democrat.

    Even as John Kerry struggles to establish national-security credentials nationally, an exclusive WW straw poll shows his campaign dominating one skeptical, warlike demographic: Klingons.

    The poll, conducted when the DVD release of the Star Trek fan documentary Trekkies 2 attracted Portland's Klingon community to Tower Records on Southeast 102nd Avenue, may spell trouble for President George W. Bush.

    The incumbent has staked his campaign on the war on terror. But those who speak the language of the Trek warrior race--known to disdain dishonor, or quvHa'ghach--seem alienated by Iraq and other issues.

    According to the poll of eight local Klingons, a whopping 75 percent support the Democratic nominee.

    Two Klingons polled--or 25 percent--said they planned to write in Satan.

    Bush scored an abysmal zero percent in the poll.

    "A good war is based on honor, not deception," says K'tok (Earth name: Clyde Lewis), a 40-year-old Klingon from Lair Hill. "The first warrior, President Bush, deceived us all with this war."

    Portland Klingon speakers are increasingly influential. Last year, Multnomah County's mental-health services opened a search for a Klingon interpreter to work with speakers of the language.* Though the Klingons polled all appeared to be registered voters, they emulate an unfamiliar political system.

    "On the home world, if there had been a contested election between Gore and Bush, the honorable thing would be for Gore to kill Bush," explained Khraanik (Earth name: Jason Lewis), a 38-year-old from Southeast Portland. "Or the other way around. And then ascend to the head of the High Council."

    It's too early for Kerry to chill the ceremonial bloodwine, but Portland Klingons are clearly warming to the cerebral Massachusetts Democrat.

    "Kerry has shown his prowess," says 33-year-old Neqha (Earth name: Eric King) of Tigard. "He saved his fellow warrior under the gun, and has been commended and awarded medals."

    Neither the Bush nor Kerry campaigns were immediately available for comment on the poll results.

    --Dominic Luxford with Zach Dundas

    [* No, we're not making this up.]link
    Eat Us And Smile

    Cenk For America 2024!!

    Justice Democrats


    "If the American people had ever known the truth about what we (the BCE) have done to this nation, we would be chased down in the streets and lynched." - Poppy Bush, 1992
  • FORD
    ROTH ARMY MODERATOR

    • Jan 2004
    • 59647

    #2
    And in other intergalactic news, it appears that Ambassador Spock, of the Planet Vulcan and the United Federation of Planets has also endorsed Kerry
    Eat Us And Smile

    Cenk For America 2024!!

    Justice Democrats


    "If the American people had ever known the truth about what we (the BCE) have done to this nation, we would be chased down in the streets and lynched." - Poppy Bush, 1992

    Comment

    • Big Train
      Full Member Status

      • Apr 2004
      • 4013

      #3
      Looks like jerkoffs from all over like the guy...yay...

      Comment

      • FORD
        ROTH ARMY MODERATOR

        • Jan 2004
        • 59647

        #4
        Hey, I don't see any other planets endorsing Junior. Though the Ferenghi might be a strong possibility. And I've heard the Borg is thinking about it.
        Eat Us And Smile

        Cenk For America 2024!!

        Justice Democrats


        "If the American people had ever known the truth about what we (the BCE) have done to this nation, we would be chased down in the streets and lynched." - Poppy Bush, 1992

        Comment

        • Figs
          Crazy Ass Mofo
          • Jun 2004
          • 2945

          #5
          Qapla!

          Comment

          • ODShowtime
            ROCKSTAR

            • Jun 2004
            • 5812

            #6
            I can't believe that's still your avatar. Awesome!
            gnaw on it

            Comment

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