Jesus Christ's New and Improved Top 10

[LoungeMachine]

Originally posted by Jesus Christ
Dad thought that rape would be covered under the adultery and "not coveting thy neighbor's ass" parts.

We didn't think the slavery one was needed, given that the Jews had just escaped from slavery themselves.

And as for child abuse...... maybe Dad and I had a little too much misplaced faith in our creation, that they would never stoop to such things

If I had to redo the 10 commandments today, I would probably make a few changes.

Let's hear v2.0 copyright 2007

[Hardrock69]

Hmmm...this should prove interesting.

Neat concept.

What would Jesus do in the 21st-Century?


If he arrived for the FIRST time around now.

Perhaps with the information age, he could explain in great detail his (or his Dad's) opinion, leaving these religious zealot motherfuckers NO ROOM FOR INTERPRETATION.

But then, I have an overactive imagination, coupled with a wish-complex about a "Perfect World".

Here are some commandments that sound reasonable to me:

1. God exists. But perhaps not in the form you think

No old fuckers with long white beards sitting in a golden throne in the sky striking people dead with lightning for the least little transgression, or sending people to HELL for listening to Black Sabbath.

If your God is a retarded wildebeest with a penchant for pretending to be Pavorotti while eating mushrooms and screwing Katydid, or your God is a Velvet Picture Of Elvis, then more power to you, as long as you obey Commandment #3 while worshipping it.

2. No War

3. Don't Steal lives, property, wives, other people's reputations, integrity, peace, harmony and/or emotional or mental well-being

4. Smoking pot is a SACRED activity, REQUIRED to WORSHIP THY GOD.

5. Sex is a SACRED activity, REQUIRED to WORSHIP THY GOD.

6. IMMEDIATE DEATH TO PEDOPHILES, SERIAL KILLERS, AND CASTRATION FOR SERIAL RAPISTS!

Automatic DEATH for ANY combination of the above.
Method of execution to be decided by the victim's family if they wish.

7. Worship God however you see fit. However, following the rules, traditions, ceremonies and/or wishes of ANOTHER HUMAN is not derived from God, but from MAN. If thou shalt decide to listen to and obey MAN, thou shalt suffer the consequences.

And Lo the Lord did bletch:

"If thou wilt worship man, or woman, verily thou may do so with much beatings, the saying of ni, fruit bats, badgers, and ex-parrots!

And if thou persist, The Lord shalt taunt thee a second-uh tahm-uh!"

8. Thou Shalt Rock To Van Halen For All The Days Of Thine Life.

9. Honor Thy Father & Thy Mother, unless they be alcoholic, spouse-abusing, junkie, necropheliac pedophile motherfuckers, then wait until thou hast grown up enough to successfully take vengeance upon them in the name of The Lord, then do so.

10. The Name Of The Lord is too lengthy to even say, but she sometimes likes to be called Alanis Morisette.

[Jesus Christ]

Perhaps I should go to Mt. Sinai for the weekend and do a revision. I haven't taken a weekend off in a while.

A lot more prayers the last 7 years or so, ya know?

[Hardrock69]

Hey, these are humans we are dealing with....your work is never done, eh?

:D

[Nitro Express]

Originally posted by Jesus Christ
Perhaps I should go to Mt. Sinai for the weekend and do a revision. I haven't taken a weekend off in a while.

A lot more prayers the last 7 years or so, ya know?

Did you dad ever mention how good Sarah Silverman is in the sack?

[Hardrock69]

LMFAO!!!!!

:D

Shit man, I want to know that!!!!

[Seshmeister]

Originally posted by Jesus Christ
Perhaps I should go to Mt. Sinai for the weekend and do a revision. I haven't taken a weekend off in a while.

Really?

What the fuck have you been doing exactly?

[FORD]

Well, according to you, He hasn't been doing anything

[Seshmeister]

I think saying he does nothing is the best thing you could say about him.

To hugely simplify a complex philosophical point if he just does the odd thing for a laugh then given all the suffering in the world that's morally much worse.

[Seshmeister]