If you thought Sarah Palin was crazy, meet the Repuke Senate nominee from Delaware!

[chefcraig]

Man, that Brando version was an absolute disaster. Talk about a train wreck!

[FORD]

What's wrong with being a Tolkien fan?

Have you watched that C-SPAN video?

[FORD]

Right here, right now (no Hagar pun intended) I'll put up $100 that says our "purity Queen" flicked her bean many a time to to the lead singer of dc Talk if not the members of Jars Of Clay.

Actually, since she's 41, I'll bet she had Stryper posters all over her bedroom walls and had daily fantasies about the Sweet brothers bringing her to a "rapturous" climax. Possibly even owned a black vibrator and painted yellow stripes on it.

[FORD]

Delaware Masturbators March Against O’Donnell
Largest Pro-wanking Demonstration in History

WILMINGTON (The Borowitz Report) – Galvanized by Republican senatorial nominee Christine O’Donnell’s anti-masturbation stance, masturbators from across the state converged on Wilmington today in what some are calling the largest pro-wanking protest in American history.

Carrying signs reading, “O’Donnell: Hands Off Our Masturbation,” the angry masturbators clogged downtown Wilmington, stopping traffic for blocks.

Harley Farger, a leading Delaware masturbator and planner of the Million Masturbators March, said it was difficult to organize masturbators “because they’re used to acting alone.”

Mr. Farger, the executive director of the pro-monkey-spanking group MasturNation, said that the “wank and file” of his organization believe that masturbation is an inalienable right guaranteed by the Constitution.

“Our country was founded by rugged individualists,” he said. “And you know what individualists like to do.”

He said that Ms. O’Donnell’s anti-whacking position was “ill-timed,” adding, “In this economy, masturbation is one of the few simple pleasures people still can afford.”

Tracy Klugian, a homemaker and masturbator from Dover, Delaware, said she is “puzzled” by what she sees as the contradictory nature of candidate O’Donnell’s position: “If you’re against masturbation, why would you want to serve in Congress?”

A spokesman for the Wilmington Police Department, Crandall Darlington, said that the Million Masturbators March could cost the city tens of thousands of dollars, “especially when you include the cost of cleaning up afterwards.”

http://www.borowitzreport.com/

[ThrillsNSpills]

"It is not enough to be abstinent with other people, you also have to be be abstinent alone. The Bible says that lust in your heart is committing adultery, so you can't masturbate without lust."

help
:O

So I guess if you're backed up, and you end up spraying your shorts while waiting in line to get checked out at the local Shop-Rite, you have to run home and get on your knees and beg forgiveness since it was lust. I think people backed her for a goof, figuring we're all doomed anyway so at least we get some quotes to laugh at.

[chefcraig]

Carrying signs reading, “O’Donnell: Hands Off Our Masturbation,” the angry masturbators clogged downtown Wilmington, stopping traffic for blocks.

That is the first time in my entire life I've ever seen the words "angry masturbators" used in a sentence.

[PETE'S BROTHER]

Delaware Masturbators March Against O’Donnell
Largest Pro-wanking Demonstration in History

WILMINGTON (The Borowitz Report) – Galvanized by Republican senatorial nominee Christine O’Donnell’s anti-masturbation stance, masturbators from across the state converged on Wilmington today in what some are calling the largest pro-wanking protest in American history.

Carrying signs reading, “O’Donnell: Hands Off Our Masturbation,” the angry masturbators clogged downtown Wilmington, stopping traffic for blocks.

Harley Farger, a leading Delaware masturbator and planner of the Million Masturbators March, said it was difficult to organize masturbators “because they’re used to acting alone.”

Mr. Farger, the executive director of the pro-monkey-spanking group MasturNation, said that the “wank and file” of his organization believe that masturbation is an inalienable right guaranteed by the Constitution.

“Our country was founded by rugged individualists,” he said. “And you know what individualists like to do.”

He said that Ms. O’Donnell’s anti-whacking position was “ill-timed,” adding, “In this economy, masturbation is one of the few simple pleasures people still can afford.”

Tracy Klugian, a homemaker and masturbator from Dover, Delaware, said she is “puzzled” by what she sees as the contradictory nature of candidate O’Donnell’s position: “If you’re against masturbation, why would you want to serve in Congress?”

A spokesman for the Wilmington Police Department, Crandall Darlington, said that the Million Masturbators March could cost the city tens of thousands of dollars, “especially when you include the cost of cleaning up afterwards.”

http://www.borowitzreport.com/

not from the onion? wow, woulda swore it was. very funny.

[ThrillsNSpills]

not from the onion? wow, woulda swore it was. very funny.

No doubt. That one's got Onion written all over it.
I wouldn't be surprised if some employees from KleenexCo were carrying around signs too.
I guess the good news is that she won't be reproducing soon.

[Guitar Shark]

The Borowitz report is a satiric website, very similar to the Onion. Fake news. Still, very funny.

[GAR]

So long as she votes how her constituents want her to, she could be a cloned CHIMPANZEE for all anyone cares.

Unlike the entire Democratic Party in congress who passed Obamacare, the Stimulus, the fake Cash for Clunkers, the GM buyout, Wallst bailouts, the pompous "We Won" attitude backtrack from "I will work with both parties of Congress"

Fuck you.

[FORD]

...and once again GAyR misses the point completely.

[FORD]

[FORD]

[twonabomber]

Actually, since she's 41, I'll bet she had Stryper posters all over her bedroom walls and had daily fantasies about the Sweet brothers bringing her to a "rapturous" climax. Possibly even owned a black vibrator and painted yellow stripes on it.

[sadaist]

HAHAHA. About the witchcraft quote she had, I saw a poster on the Yahoo! boards post this.

"Its only a BFD to the nuts who think witchcraft is more than bored teens playing Goth"


Seems about right. Hell, everyone of us here have "dabbled" in the occult just simply based on the music & albums we have listened to. If you've ever heard a Slayer song, my friend, you have just dabbled in the occult.