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FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
March 31, 2006
Roth succombs to CBS executives: FOR NOW.
"What the fuck did he do NOW? He was broadcasting in Miami earlier in the week, and there was tons of speculation on what happened. There were the rumors that Roth was on a two-night binge, porking every gal in sight and couldn't make it in for Wednesday or Thursday's show. Others speculated that CBS fired Roth for the formatless, heavily glitched show on Tuesday, and a change was imminent."
(A.P.) Hell, Mich. - Roth Army World Headquarters
So the question we start with...is which path do you take?
Do you follow the familiar path set by others...the one trampled by other feet...or do you follow the path through the undergrowth...you know...the path less traveled by...
Well...CBS did what EVERY good network does when they want to find a successful show...they take that path that every other person takes...that much trampled path...
In other words, they are trying to turn David Lee Roth into Don fucking Imus. You know, that crusty old fucker that's about as entertaining to listen to as hearing a load of shit drop into a toilet. David Lee Roth, as Don Imus. You don't have to be a fucking brain surgeon to figure out how this is going to turn out.
There are many, MANY ways you can go with this clusterfuck of a relationship. Roth's show started off with low ratings, and although there have been signs of improvement, you can bet that CBS had worked some projections that showed what kind of hit ANYONE would get after taking over for Stern. Most experts agreed that it would take some time to get a fan base...and move on from there. Stern even agreed, saying that a new host would have to get about 12-18 months to see the culmination of a lot of hard work. With that being said, Roth didn't exactly endear himself to CBS execs.
Roth met with station manager Tom Chiusano and programming vice president Mark Chernoff earlier this year, and they gave him some "advice" on how to improve the radio show. In other words, they were trying to get Roth to ACT LIKE STERN. Funny, because the entire time Stern was there...they were trying to get Stern to act differently. Hard to figure out where the fuck the message was muddled...fucking morons.
Funny thing is, is Roth took a Stern like attitude with the radio administrators, calling them "stooges," "social retards," "beige, baby-food sissies," and "an ugly little dysfunctional worm." Roth's main beef with what they told him was that they were hunting for the 18-35 year olds that are the staple of every good radio show. You know...the group of people that IT TAKES 12-18 MONTHS TO FUCKING WIN OVER. Of course, CBS wanted everything NOW, and in fairness, it is a NOW time period. If you don't deliver, you are fucked.
Roth's reply to this? Certainly admirable..."This show isn't designed for a demographic. It's for everyone."
Unfortunately, CBS couldn't and wouldn't wait for everyone to show up...and pulled Roth on Wednesday and Thursday. Speculation was rampant. What the fuck did he do NOW? He was broadcasting in Miami earlier in the week, and there was tons of speculation on what happened. There were the rumors that Roth was on a two-night binge, porking every gal in sight and couldn't make it in for Wednesday or Thursday's show. Others speculated that CBS fired Roth for the formatless, heavily glitched show on Tuesday, and a change was imminent.
Well, after it was all said and done, Roth was back on today. CBS had finally pulled him for not following format, and for those that heard it on Tuesday, several glitches in the programming that had Dave noticably flustered. Gone was his entire staff with the exception of Hutch. Gone was the brash Dave that we've known for years. Gone was the stream of consciousness that most Roth fans have enjoyed for the past 3 months. In it's place was a Roth that sounded a bit beaten. This was a Roth that was facing "disciplinary action" (um...didn't they pull him for two days?) for his nearly formatless show. After receiving a four page letter that essentially told Roth that if he continued the show in it's current format, he'd be fired, and CBS wouldn't be oblicated to pay him another cent.
At this point, I would have bet my life on Roth telling them to fuck off...but to my surprise, and I don't know that I'm happy about this, Roth was back. What we are going to get are more current event items from Roth (which he'll be very good at), and a sports segment each day on his show (if Imus can fucking do it, so can Roth). Roth also surmised that he'd more than likely be getting a weather and traffic girl as well, and I'm assuming she'll be the "Robin" to Dave's "Howard." So it appears as though Roth was caving a bit. Remember, when he was hammering the CBS execs earlier in the month, Roth DID say that he'd quit before becoming a cookie cutter radio show. Well...he didn't quit...
and he did give us a bit of the old Dave. Roth threw a bit of a bone when he said, "If I didn't know any better I would say they are trying to sabotage the deal, but I know they fully support and love me." and in typical Dave fashion said "Joel Hollander did tell me I needed to be flexible, but I didn't know he meant I would need a lubricant." Roth is clearly not happy with the decision, but clearly has decided to give it a shot. "How long do you think it would take to put a rock band together? Do you think that a band could get together in six weeks and become incredible? That's essentially what I was called upon to do. And my 'rock band' would be compared with possibly the greatest face in the sport, Howard Stern, who had been around for twenty years putting together his art form. For the first four to six weeks, I floundered like a fish on the end of a pike."
Roth realizes that his show wasn't necesarily working, but I'm firmly convinced Roth's vision of the show would have metamorphisized into something that would have generated good numbers. Should he bend a bit on the format of the show? My personal belief? No, he should just be Roth, and if he gets shitcanned...let them fire him. Go out in a blaze of fucking Roth and Roll glory.
Do I fault the guy for staying? Well, the ONLY problem I have is Roth saying he'd quit before changing his show to the same fucking cookie cutter show that started with that fucking belly-button lint Don Imus, and followed by everyone else since then, except Stern to a certain extent. That being said, Roth ate his crow today, in a way most wouldn't have, and I'm willing to bet we've not heard the last of the CBS vs. Roth War. Yeah, he'll add the format that they want. But, if CBS leaves anything up in the air to Roth, well, let's just say I wouldn't want to be the ones in the CBS executive offices. Of course, they'll hate it all the way to the bank...
March 31, 2006
Roth succombs to CBS executives: FOR NOW.
"What the fuck did he do NOW? He was broadcasting in Miami earlier in the week, and there was tons of speculation on what happened. There were the rumors that Roth was on a two-night binge, porking every gal in sight and couldn't make it in for Wednesday or Thursday's show. Others speculated that CBS fired Roth for the formatless, heavily glitched show on Tuesday, and a change was imminent."
(A.P.) Hell, Mich. - Roth Army World Headquarters
So the question we start with...is which path do you take?
Do you follow the familiar path set by others...the one trampled by other feet...or do you follow the path through the undergrowth...you know...the path less traveled by...
Well...CBS did what EVERY good network does when they want to find a successful show...they take that path that every other person takes...that much trampled path...
In other words, they are trying to turn David Lee Roth into Don fucking Imus. You know, that crusty old fucker that's about as entertaining to listen to as hearing a load of shit drop into a toilet. David Lee Roth, as Don Imus. You don't have to be a fucking brain surgeon to figure out how this is going to turn out.
There are many, MANY ways you can go with this clusterfuck of a relationship. Roth's show started off with low ratings, and although there have been signs of improvement, you can bet that CBS had worked some projections that showed what kind of hit ANYONE would get after taking over for Stern. Most experts agreed that it would take some time to get a fan base...and move on from there. Stern even agreed, saying that a new host would have to get about 12-18 months to see the culmination of a lot of hard work. With that being said, Roth didn't exactly endear himself to CBS execs.
Roth met with station manager Tom Chiusano and programming vice president Mark Chernoff earlier this year, and they gave him some "advice" on how to improve the radio show. In other words, they were trying to get Roth to ACT LIKE STERN. Funny, because the entire time Stern was there...they were trying to get Stern to act differently. Hard to figure out where the fuck the message was muddled...fucking morons.
Funny thing is, is Roth took a Stern like attitude with the radio administrators, calling them "stooges," "social retards," "beige, baby-food sissies," and "an ugly little dysfunctional worm." Roth's main beef with what they told him was that they were hunting for the 18-35 year olds that are the staple of every good radio show. You know...the group of people that IT TAKES 12-18 MONTHS TO FUCKING WIN OVER. Of course, CBS wanted everything NOW, and in fairness, it is a NOW time period. If you don't deliver, you are fucked.
Roth's reply to this? Certainly admirable..."This show isn't designed for a demographic. It's for everyone."
Unfortunately, CBS couldn't and wouldn't wait for everyone to show up...and pulled Roth on Wednesday and Thursday. Speculation was rampant. What the fuck did he do NOW? He was broadcasting in Miami earlier in the week, and there was tons of speculation on what happened. There were the rumors that Roth was on a two-night binge, porking every gal in sight and couldn't make it in for Wednesday or Thursday's show. Others speculated that CBS fired Roth for the formatless, heavily glitched show on Tuesday, and a change was imminent.
Well, after it was all said and done, Roth was back on today. CBS had finally pulled him for not following format, and for those that heard it on Tuesday, several glitches in the programming that had Dave noticably flustered. Gone was his entire staff with the exception of Hutch. Gone was the brash Dave that we've known for years. Gone was the stream of consciousness that most Roth fans have enjoyed for the past 3 months. In it's place was a Roth that sounded a bit beaten. This was a Roth that was facing "disciplinary action" (um...didn't they pull him for two days?) for his nearly formatless show. After receiving a four page letter that essentially told Roth that if he continued the show in it's current format, he'd be fired, and CBS wouldn't be oblicated to pay him another cent.
At this point, I would have bet my life on Roth telling them to fuck off...but to my surprise, and I don't know that I'm happy about this, Roth was back. What we are going to get are more current event items from Roth (which he'll be very good at), and a sports segment each day on his show (if Imus can fucking do it, so can Roth). Roth also surmised that he'd more than likely be getting a weather and traffic girl as well, and I'm assuming she'll be the "Robin" to Dave's "Howard." So it appears as though Roth was caving a bit. Remember, when he was hammering the CBS execs earlier in the month, Roth DID say that he'd quit before becoming a cookie cutter radio show. Well...he didn't quit...
and he did give us a bit of the old Dave. Roth threw a bit of a bone when he said, "If I didn't know any better I would say they are trying to sabotage the deal, but I know they fully support and love me." and in typical Dave fashion said "Joel Hollander did tell me I needed to be flexible, but I didn't know he meant I would need a lubricant." Roth is clearly not happy with the decision, but clearly has decided to give it a shot. "How long do you think it would take to put a rock band together? Do you think that a band could get together in six weeks and become incredible? That's essentially what I was called upon to do. And my 'rock band' would be compared with possibly the greatest face in the sport, Howard Stern, who had been around for twenty years putting together his art form. For the first four to six weeks, I floundered like a fish on the end of a pike."
Roth realizes that his show wasn't necesarily working, but I'm firmly convinced Roth's vision of the show would have metamorphisized into something that would have generated good numbers. Should he bend a bit on the format of the show? My personal belief? No, he should just be Roth, and if he gets shitcanned...let them fire him. Go out in a blaze of fucking Roth and Roll glory.
Do I fault the guy for staying? Well, the ONLY problem I have is Roth saying he'd quit before changing his show to the same fucking cookie cutter show that started with that fucking belly-button lint Don Imus, and followed by everyone else since then, except Stern to a certain extent. That being said, Roth ate his crow today, in a way most wouldn't have, and I'm willing to bet we've not heard the last of the CBS vs. Roth War. Yeah, he'll add the format that they want. But, if CBS leaves anything up in the air to Roth, well, let's just say I wouldn't want to be the ones in the CBS executive offices. Of course, they'll hate it all the way to the bank...
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