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I’ve got this inside contact, you know what I’m saying, who is a NYC EMT. He tells me that Diamond Dave told him that he will be opening up for Aerosmith this summer, you know, the whole Steve Tyler/Diamond Dave Fourth of July thing? So anyhow, this dude fills me in on the ambulance Dave was riding in The Bronx last weekend and me and my friend start tailing the ambulance.
So here we are tailing the goddamn thing around for an hour or so and finally the lights come on. So we pursue (at high speed) the ambulance to its final destination, a middle aged woman collapsed on the street from a heart attack. Out hops the EMT’s along with non other than Diamond Dave!! So, Dave starts with the defibrillator and I ask him for an autograph. He starts yelling some shit about saving this woman’s life, and that I’m in the way or something, I wasn’t really paying attention.
So I ask a few more times, show him my old ticket stub, show him my old Van Halen t-shirt from 1981 to prove I was an old fan (still fits pretty good!). Finally I grab the fucking defibrillator and say, “Dude, why are you being so harsh, I’m one of your biggest fans!!! What the fuck?” The broad ends up dead or something, I think, I don’t know. Dave says some shit about this is my fault or something and then he kicks me in the fucking balls!!! The hero of my youth kicks me in the fucking balls!! I couldn’t believe it.
Anyhow, while I was writhing around on the ground screaming, I heard Dave talk to one of the other EMT’s about how he’s recording with Eddie in Canada and new stuff will be out in ’06 or ’07.
My friend’s goal in all this was to get him an interview. Which, big surprise, the prick refused. He was saying some shit about anyone who hangs out with me has got to be a fucking asshole and we can both fry in hell, or something like that, I don’t know. The questions he was going to ask him were:
1) Is Alex the main reason there has never been a reunion?
2) Do you ever check out the Roth Army?
3) Do blondes really have more fun?
So here we are tailing the goddamn thing around for an hour or so and finally the lights come on. So we pursue (at high speed) the ambulance to its final destination, a middle aged woman collapsed on the street from a heart attack. Out hops the EMT’s along with non other than Diamond Dave!! So, Dave starts with the defibrillator and I ask him for an autograph. He starts yelling some shit about saving this woman’s life, and that I’m in the way or something, I wasn’t really paying attention.
So I ask a few more times, show him my old ticket stub, show him my old Van Halen t-shirt from 1981 to prove I was an old fan (still fits pretty good!). Finally I grab the fucking defibrillator and say, “Dude, why are you being so harsh, I’m one of your biggest fans!!! What the fuck?” The broad ends up dead or something, I think, I don’t know. Dave says some shit about this is my fault or something and then he kicks me in the fucking balls!!! The hero of my youth kicks me in the fucking balls!! I couldn’t believe it.
Anyhow, while I was writhing around on the ground screaming, I heard Dave talk to one of the other EMT’s about how he’s recording with Eddie in Canada and new stuff will be out in ’06 or ’07.
My friend’s goal in all this was to get him an interview. Which, big surprise, the prick refused. He was saying some shit about anyone who hangs out with me has got to be a fucking asshole and we can both fry in hell, or something like that, I don’t know. The questions he was going to ask him were:
1) Is Alex the main reason there has never been a reunion?
2) Do you ever check out the Roth Army?
3) Do blondes really have more fun?
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