The Legend of Hot Shot Willie Loons, my couzin from Rosedale, Mississippi...well well

[Loons The Great]

Ooh well well...Awww Make 'Er quit 'Em, Boy...All Hell Yeah...Yez Yez...

Hot Shot Willie Loons tol' me this story one time:

My mother makes beer in the bathtub
My father makes synthetic gin
My sister makes fudge for a quarter
My God how the money rolls in

My mother she drowned in the bathtub
My fatha he died of his gin
My sister she choked on her chocolate
My God what a jam I'm in

[Loons The Great]

Lime-house kid...like a broke down engine, ain't got no drivin' wheel...WELLA WELLA!!

One time...many seasons ago...me and my cousin, Hot Shot Willie Loons...we wuz standin' at de crossroads of highway 49 and 61 in Mississippi, de home of de blues...we wuz lookin' for my woman...heard she wuz at a juke joint hookin' and strippin'...so, I had an asspocket of whiskey an' a frontpocket of gin...some Beechnut scrap...me and Hot Shot Willie followed the smell of cigareets, whuskey, and wild, wild women to a lil' moonshine joint...de fish scent wuz in de air, snuff juice e'erywhere...front sign of the joint was half-lit and half the letters missin'...so Ize eased up to the window...to get a better view...an' when I peeped in de winda...I saw my woman...doin' the monkey two...I kicked open that shabby door, hollered,"FIRE!!!!!!," shot my 44 at the ceilin', cut the lights...saw my woman lyin' there in the raw...an' shot that whore in bofe her knees...me an' my couzin ran outta that ol' moonshine joint like lightnin' I tell y'all...we's so drunk we got lost and came up to dis fence...I lept up cuz I had me all hops...cleared that fence quick'a n' you can say grits ain't groceries...'en ol' Hot Shot Willie...run up on dat fence an' fell o'er backwards on de way up and fell flat on hiz face on de way down...like'did he was tryin' to run up and down a God damn bowlin' lane...polices is all over the juke joint like flies on apple butter an' Willie...he jus' lyin' there like we already home...'en he tell me, "Loons-es, I done fucked my leg...I feel somethin' runnin' down it, too"...an' I got one mind that say stay and two minds that say jus' leave this sad motherfucker...but he my family...so I holler to 'em,"Hot Shot, that better be blood runnin' down yo leg, YOU BETTAH NOT HAB BROKE THAT GOD DAMN BOTTLE OF GIN!!!!!!"

[Hardrock69]

[WARF]

LMAO!!!!!
ONE TIME, NAH!

[Loons The Great]

Well, I'm gonn' o'er to Rosedale, get my hambone boiled nah yez yez

GETTIN' LOWDOW, EBIL, AND DIRTY JUST A SHAKIN' THAT THING, BABY
by Hot Shot Willie Loons

Now Sister Fullbosom and Brother Lowdown,
Your broad catch you signifyin' you're breakin' her down;
Kind mama, just poison you,
Sick and tired the way you do;
Gettin' filthy just shakin' that thing.

I know a Sister called Miss Lou,
Shook so she had the Asian 'flu;
Another Sister by the call Miss Boone,
Shook so you couldn't stay in the room,
Gettin' filthy just shakin' that thing.

Says, mama cookin' cabbage, didn't have no meat,
And she sold 'em on 35th Street;
Old folk, run and get your glass,
Catch the juice from his too black bad.

Say, mama killed a chicken and she thought he was a duck,
'im on the table with his heel cocked up;
Folk, folk, run and get your glass,
To catch the juice from his too black bad.

Mama mumbled and spoke like this,
"Shake your shoulders, shake your wicked knee,
And gettin' filthy just shakin' that thing.'

Clap hands, here comes Hot Shot,
Clap hands, here comes Hot Shot,
Clap hands, here comes Hot Shot nah.

Too tight, just won't,
Too tight, just won't,
Too tight, just won't right now.

[Loons The Great]

One mo' blues 'gain from ol' Hot Shot Willie Loons...well well well...yez yez....oooh

LOWDOWN MOJO DOJO BLUES
by HOT SHOT WILLIE LOONS

I love my baby better than a farmer likes his Jersey cow
I love my baby better than a farmer likes his Jersey cow
Been tryin' to quit my sugar these two years and, damn, I jus' don't know how...a how how how how...

When I was young, on my big-foot way to school
When I was young, on my big-foot way to school
I met a nice lookin' 'nilla-skin, made me lose my mammy's rule.

My rider's got a mojo, and she won't let me see
My rider's got a mojo, and she won't let me see
Every time I start to lovin', she ease that thing on me...All Hell Yeah!!...

She's tryin' to fool her daddy, she's tryin' to keep that mojo hid
She's tryin' to fool her daddy, she's tryin' to keep that mojo hid
But papa's got something for to find that mojo with...yez yez...nah yez...

She got four speeds forward and she don't never stall
She got four speeds forward and she don't never stall
The way she bucks on her hips, it would make a panther squall.

[Loons The Great]

Ooh well well...wellah wellah wellah...Yez yez Yez...

I Want Some Of Your Pie by One-Eyed Johnny Loons from Alabama

Says, I'm not jokin' an' I'm gonna tell you no lie,
I want to eat your custard pie.
Refr.: You gotta give me some of it,
You gotta give me some of it,
You gotta give me some of it,
'Fore you give it all away.
I'm not breakin' but you understood,
Everything I do, I try to do it good.

Now, your custard pie is good an' nice,
When you cut it, please save me a smart.
refr.
Says, I don't care if you little right cross that street,
You cut that pie please save me a piece.

Oh, it's good for a man 83,
You know good well it good enough for me.

Cat You Been Messin' 'Round--Ol' Lonnie Loons

Now look here woman, you done lost your mind
This is not my child, you bring me a better line
Cause there's something wrong, woman don't start that lies there's something wrong
I never had such mix-ups in my family
Since I was born

First it's loop-footin'
And its head is long
And it's been half nuts ever since you brought it back home
So there's something wrong
I mean there's something wrong
Oh take it back where you got it
Woman cause depression is on

Now his eyes is blue
And his hair's brown
You know darn well you've been messin' around
So take that lie off of me
I mean take that lie off of me
Woman you had a twelve-month vacation
So don't put that lie on me

Now his head is nappy
And his feets is long
His eyes is crossed
And his sight is gone
You know there's something wrong
Yes woman there's something wrong
I never had nothing like that in my family
Woman since I was born

Now I said it wasn't my child and you argued me down
Now my eyes ain't blue and my hair ain't brown
Woman you've been messin' around
Yes woman you've been messin' around
So woman get out of my face
Or I take my fist and knock you down

[bantonelli]

Originally posted by diamondsgirl
I wanna hit a Loons family picnic...fo sho...

I'll bring my washboard

LOL!!!

[ThrillsNSpills]

When the Roth Army gets an hour long TV show one of the segments has got to be the Loons family picnic.

I ain' lyin.

[Loons The Great]

Well...well...well...Yez Yeah!! Ooh well well...Canned Heat Mama...Yez Yez Yez.fo sho

I said, Baby! Baby!
Please don’t snore so loud.
Baby! Please!
Please don’t snore so loud.
You jest a little bit o’ woman but you
Sound like a great big crowd.

No, de blues ain’t nothin’
But a good man feelin’ bad

The blues ain’t nothin’
But a bad woman feelin’ good

I've been downhearted baby
Ever since the day we met
Our love is nothin' but the blues
Baby how blue can you get…

"A man git his feet set in a sticky mudbank,
A man git dis yellow water in his blood,
No need for hopin', no need for doin',
Muddy streams keep him fixed for good."

"Ain't got nobody in all this world,
Ain't got nobody but ma self.
I's gwine to quit ma frownin'
And put ma troubles on the shelf."

------------------------------------------------------

Miss Canned Heat Sterno Blues by Hot Shot Willie Loons and Blind Willie Loons

--------------------------------------------------------

[blues riff]
Hot Shot Willie Loons: My name is Hot Shot Willie Loons,
and I've got the blues!

[blues riff]

HSWL: On my right is Blind Willie Loons, and he's got the blues! Ain't that
right, Willie?

Blind Willie Loons: Oh, you know it's God's own truth, Hot Shot!

[blues riff]

HSWL: And on my left is One-Eyed Johnny Loons. Johhny you got the blues?

One-Eyed Johnny Loons: Hnn-hnn! You bet I've got the blues, Hot Shot! I'm as blue as blue can be!

HSWL: Get out of my blues band, you terminally happy Miskatonic freak!

HSWL:
You don't have a clue
What it means to be blue!
You don't even have one eye
Or have sensible shoes!

HSWL: So I got the blues, you know, I got all kinds of blues, I went down
south and got them southern blues.

BWL: Oh, oh! Went up north, caught those northern blues!

HSWL: I hear you, Blind Willie Loons, seems everywhere I go those blues just
get me down!

HSWL:
I went to Des Moines
Went to Lincoln, Nebraska
From Melber, Kentucky
To Anchorage, Alaska
Seems every town
In the U S of A
Has got the blues
In a different way

BWL: Hot Shot Willie, just how blue are your blues?

HSWL: My blues have a wavelength of exactly 434 nanometers!

BWL: Man, that's blue!

HSWL: You said it!

BWL: Actually, you said it.

HSWL:
No need to quibble
Over something so minor
I even got the blues from Blind Boy Loons
Down in Aberdeen!

BWL: Why, it's enough to make you scratch your head!

HSWL: I reckon it is, Blind Willie. What on earth could be behind
this epidemic of the blues? It seems to have permeated every facet of
our everyday lives, the very American Way!

BWL: The blues!

[blues riff]

HSWL: All except for that coke fiend I kicked out! [snorts] But even
recreational drugs can't save us from the pallor of blues that hangs
over this fair nation!

BWL: Why, Hot Shot Willie, I reckon...

HSWL: What? What do you reckon? On with it, Blind Willie!

BWL: Hot Shot Willie, you ever hear of Miss Canned Heat Sterno?

[blues riff]

HSWL: Wha--well stick whiskers on me and call me a Louisiana catfish! Miss
Canned Heat Sterno!

BWL: Then you have heard of her?

HSWL: Never in my life!

BWL: Why, she roams around the country inflicting on innocent people
the horrible fate which we were only now discussing!

HSWL: She sticks whiskers on people and calls them Louisiana catfish?

BWL: I speak rather of the blues!

[blues riff]

HSWL: The blues?!?!

[blues riff]

BWL:
You'll meet at a bar
Or a sleazy hotel
With a skin-tight dress
And a degree from Cornell
There's really nothing
That you can do
'Cause when you're not looking
She'll take off and leave you blue!

HSWL: Blind Willie, have you been burned by this woman!

BWL: More than once!

HSWL: More than once?

BWL: She it was who made me blue! Blue as a Smurf I am! Mark my words,
Hot Shot Willie, she travels in many disguises! It is her I suspect
of spreading the dark cloud of the blues into every corner of this land
of liberty!

HSWL: But Blind Willie, if what you say is true, how can one
distinguish between one of the many manifestations of Miss Canned Heat Sterno
and any of the other women who inevitably torment, string along,
and/or kill us blues musicians?

[blues riff]

BWL: It is inevitably the county coroner who first discovers her
mischief during the course of an autopsy! A blues man may die by
stabbing, by gunshot wound, by exposure to the elements; these are
routine and arouse little suspicion. But do the nasty with the Blues
Queen of Death, and your ultimate fate will be death by the blues,
pure and simple!

[Soprano voice person:] Effective on household stains, yapping toy
poodles, and that pesky crabgrass that just won't seem to go away.

[blues riff]

HSWL: Some good it does to know this, after the fact!

BWL: Ah, there is one other sign, Hot Shot Willie!

HSWL: And what would that sign be?

BWL: A blues man who has struck up an acquaintance with Miss Canned Heat Sterno can be recognized by the subtle changes such a relationship
inevitably brings to the lyrics of his songs.

[Someone singing in a lounge singer type voice:]
Oh, I got a woman
And her teeth are pearly white
I got a woman
And her teeth are pearly white, yeah!
Well she comes to all my gigs
And she puts out every night

HSWL: This man hardly sounds blue!

BWL: And the longer the set-up, the deeper the plunge into the
bottomless pit of the blues when Miss Canned Heat Sterno takes the first
train out of town, leaving you alone in a fleabitten motel room with
nothing but a ten-cent harmonica to your name!

HSWL: AAAAH! Man, I remember when ten cents would buy you a _good_
harmonica!

BWL: Those days are gone, Hot Shot Willie!

HSWL: Man, I must be getting OLD!

[blues riff]

BWL: It's inflation, Hot Shot Willie!

[blues riff]

HSWL:
Oh that inflation
It's just no use
They print more money
Than the value we produce

BWL: You realize that this has gotten completely off the wall!

HSWL: That's what the blues is all about!

BWL: The blues is about pain and suffering! There is no room in the
blues for your petty sentimentality!

HSWL:
I'm gonna have me a cup of cocoa
With a big ol' marshmallow!

BWL: Now you're just being weird!

HSWL: Darn right! Take it to de bridge nah nah yezz!

[Blues solo.]

[Sarge's Little Helper]

I said, Baby! Baby!
Please don’t snore so loud.
Baby! Please!
Please don’t snore so loud.
You jest a little bit o’ woman but you
Sound like a great big crowd.

No, de blues ain’t nothin’
But a good man feelin’ bad

The blues ain’t nothin’
But a bad woman feelin’ good

I've been downhearted baby
Ever since the day we met
Our love is nothin' but the blues
Baby how blue can you get…

"A man git his feet set in a sticky mudbank,
A man git dis yellow water in his blood,
No need for hopin', no need for doin',
Muddy streams keep him fixed for good."

"Ain't got nobody in all this world,
Ain't got nobody but ma self.
I's gwine to quit ma frownin'
And put ma troubles on the shelf."

------------------------------------------------------

Miss Canned Heat Sterno Blues by Hot Shot Willie Loons and Blind Willie Loons

--------------------------------------------------------

[blues riff]
Hot Shot Willie Loons: My name is Hot Shot Willie Loons,
and I've got the blues!

[blues riff]

HSWL: On my right is Blind Willie Loons, and he's got the blues! Ain't that
right, Willie?

Blind Willie Loons: Oh, you know it's God's own truth, Hot Shot!

[blues riff]

HSWL: And on my left is One-Eyed Johnny Loons. Johhny you got the blues?

One-Eyed Johnny Loons: Hnn-hnn! You bet I've got the blues, Hot Shot! I'm as blue as blue can be!

HSWL: Get out of my blues band, you terminally happy Miskatonic freak!

HSWL:
You don't have a clue
What it means to be blue!
You don't even stutter
Or have dirty shoes!

HSWL: So I got the blues, you know, I got all kinds of blues, I went down
south and got them southern blues.

BWL: Oh, oh! Went up north, caught those northern blues!

HSWL: I hear you, Blind Willie Loons, seems everywhere I go those blues just
get me down!

HSWL:
I went to Des Moines
Went to Lincoln, Nebraska
From Melber, Kentucky
To Anchorage, Alaska
Seems every town
In the U S of A
Has got the blues
In a different way

BWL: Hot Shot Willie, just how blue are your blues?

HSWL: My blues have a wavelength of exactly 434 nanometers!

BWL: Man, that's blue!

HSWL: You said it!

BWL: Actually, you said it.

HSWL:
No need to quibble
Over something so minor
I even got the blues from Blind Boy Loons
Down in Aberdeen!

BWL: Why, it's enough to make you scratch your head!

HSWL: I reckon it is, Blind Willie. What on earth could be behind
this epidemic of the blues? It seems to have permeated every facet of
our everyday lives, the very American Way!

BWL: The blues!

[blues riff]

HSWL: All except for that coke fiend I kicked out! [snorts] But even
recreational drugs can't save us from the pallor of blues that hangs
over this fair nation!

BWL: Why, Hot Shot Willie, I reckon...

HSWL: What? What do you reckon? On with it, Blind Willie!

BWL: Hot Shot Willie, you ever hear of Miss Canned Heat Sterno?

[blues riff]

HSWL: Wha--well stick whiskers on me and call me a Louisiana catfish! Miss
Canned Heat Sterno!

BWL: Then you have heard of her?

HSWL: Never in my life!

BWL: Why, she roams around the country inflicting on innocent people
the horrible fate which we were only now discussing!

HSWL: She sticks whiskers on people and calls them Louisiana catfish?

BWL: I speak rather of the blues!

[blues riff]

HSWL: The blues?!?!

[blues riff]

BWL:
You'll meet at a bar
Or a sleazy hotel
With a skin-tight dress
And a degree from Cornell
There's really nothing
That you can do
'Cause when you're not looking
She'll take off and leave you blue!

HSWL: Blind Willie, have you been burned by this woman!

BWL: More than once!

HSWL: More than once?

BWL: She it was who made me blue! Blue as a Smurf I am! Mark my words,
Hot Shot Willie, she travels in many disguises! It is her I suspect
of spreading the dark cloud of the blues into every corner of this land
of liberty!

HSWL: But Blind Willie, if what you say is true, how can one
distinguish between one of the many manifestations of Miss Canned Heat Sterno
and any of the other women who inevitably torment, string along,
and/or kill us blues musicians?

[blues riff]

BWL: It is inevitably the county coroner who first discovers her
mischief during the course of an autopsy! A blues man may die by
stabbing, by gunshot wound, by exposure to the elements; these are
routine and arouse little suspicion. But do the nasty with the Blues
Queen of Death, and your ultimate fate will be death by the blues,
pure and simple!

[Soprano voice person:] Effective on household stains, yapping toy
poodles, and that pesky crabgrass that just won't seem to go away.

[blues riff]

HSWL: Some good it does to know this, after the fact!

BWL: Ah, there is one other sign, Hot Shot Willie!

HSWL: And what would that sign be?

BWL: A blues man who has struck up an acquaintance with Miss Canned Heat Sterno can be recognized by the subtle changes such a relationship
inevitably brings to the lyrics of his songs.

[Someone singing in a lounge singer type voice:]
Oh, I got a woman
And her teeth are pearly white
I got a woman
And her teeth are pearly white, yeah!
Well she comes to all my gigs
And she puts out every night

HSWL: This man hardly sounds blue!

BWL: And the longer the set-up, the deeper the plunge into the
bottomless pit of the blues when Miss Canned Heat Sterno takes the first
train out of town, leaving you alone in a fleabitten motel room with
nothing but a ten-cent harmonica to your name!

HSWL: AAAAH! Man, I remember when ten cents would buy you a _good_
harmonica!

BWL: Those days are gone, Hot Shot Willie!

HSWL: Man, I must be getting OLD!

[blues riff]

BWL: It's inflation, Hot Shot Willie!

[blues riff]

HSWL:
Oh that inflation
It's just no use
They print more money
Than the value we produce

BWL: You realize that this has gotten completely off the wall!

HSWL: That's what the blues is all about!

BWL: The blues is about pain and suffering! There is no room in the
blues for your petty sentimentality!

HSWL:
I'm gonna have me a cup of cocoa
With a big ol' marshmallow!

BWL: Now you're just being weird!

HSWL: Darn right! Take it to de bridge nah nah yezz!

[Blues solo.]

Oops. I wasn't paying attention. Tell me again what is going on.

[Viking]

Originally posted by Serge's Little Helper:

Oops. I wasn't paying attention. Tell me again what is going on.

LMFAO Loons is in the house. Hey, Loons - being over here in 'Bama, where can I get my lips around a bottle of that Blackened Voodoo hooch? :bottle: Sounds like an instant party the second you pop the cap........:p

[WARF]

This may be the greatest thread of all time.

[topjim2y]

yawn

[binnie]

If you don't like the site, why post here?