We, the undersigned, hereby petition citizens worldwide to boycott The Quizno's Corporation ("TQC") and all "Quizno's" sub sandwich shops due to the introduction of their new "Cabo" chicken sub and as such, their apparent affiliation with former Van Halen replacement singer, Bette Midler stunt double, and Jimmy Buffet wannabe Sammy "Roy" Hagar.
In addition to ruining a once great band, Mr. Hagar's infamous exploits extend to the world of alcoholic beverages, where his "Cabo Wabo" brand tequila has single-handedly destroyed the reputation of the guava plant, decimating communities worldwide that depend upon its value. Hagar's various "Cabo" brand products, including but not limited to key chains, flips flops, Capri Pants For Him, cheesy love ballads, and shampoo conditioner w/ his face on the bottle, have furthermore been a marketing disaster for the resorts of Baja California that share only an unfortunate geography with the sloppy mess of a man and his nightclub, and his boundless energy sell virtually anything.
For these reasons, we encourage all to BOYCOTT ALL QUIZNO'S until the removal of all things "Cabo" from their menu.
Sincerely,
The Undersigned
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