VEnillE FridEy Wit PHIL and DAVE!

[Phil theStalker]

Welcome, hi.

I see t2wo aff mmy co-hosts have shown up Golden AWe and Cato. Let's see aff they know dat mmy PHIL THE STALKER LIVE SHOW inda mmornings onda INTWATNET has starTITed.

F4or those aff yoo whoo know mme yoo know I'm not a mmorning person. I'm neva here in da mmornings. I hate mmornings.

Fak.

Tit's VEnillE FridEy. JUst as I promised.

I alreedy t2ook a shit.

Tit was an Olympic shit. Dat' has nothing t2o doo wit da size aff da turd or da altheleetic strain on da boody. Mmainly da rectal mmuscles.

And Olympic shit is o1ne da yoo take 30 mminutes prior t2o any event.

Well, 30 mminutes ago I woke up bef4ore da PHIL THE STALKER LIVE SHOW and took and Olympic shit. Tit was slightly a mmemorable o1ne so later on I'm gooing t2o bee telling yoo aboot dat.

NOw let's hear in from mmy t2wo amazing co-hosts. They've been wit mme all week.

WELCOME T2O

VEnillE FridEy.

I'll bee back.

[Phil theStalker]

LIVE IN DA STUDIO, MOMMA!

WEE BAD, WEE BAD.

PHIL THE STALKER in da studio, BAYBEE.

Let's hear sum mmusick, say GOOBA, GOOBA, GOOBA, baybee.

While Golden AWe is typing sum lyrics, wee cun't figure out how t2o post mp3s evun though da board says yoo can post 'em.

Let's see, DAVE is trying t2o sing wit a bad logo, loop, ID, guitar.

I may neva bee known as da mmorning mman, or da mman in da mmorning, butt I will be known f4or dis.

I neva feel like suicide cuntil aboot afternoon so dat's out as a LIVE gig.

Tit's like a BRITISH term dat I use so peeps know I goo all ova da place.

Dat's been mmy life.

Dat's mmy life.

Dis is a realTITy series, BAYBEE.

Bee rite back.

[Cato]

HEIL PHIL!

[Phil theStalker]

Where da fak are mmy co-host.

I see them here.

I'm not mmyself.

I hate Fridays.

I hate 'em.

When I goo t2o a restaurant they say, MR. STALKER, HOW MMANY AFF THERE ARE YOO," I'm schizophenic so I say, there will be 6 aff us. Dat way noboody says anything when I drink 60 beers.

Dis is PHIL THE STALKER in da mmorning.

[Phil theStalker]

Tit's lonesum wit out mmy co-host, butt I starTITed dis gig alone.

Like aff flappo called mme and said, PHIL...SUNDAY.

flappo's a mman aff very few werds.

I'd sexcept dat.

PHIL...SUNDAY.

Yoo got tit, BAYBEE.

VEnillE FridEy

[Phil theStalker]

Originally posted by Cato
HEIL PHIL!

HEIL, CATO!

wE poosTITed at da same time.

Kinda like punk sex.

Dis is just like over priced sex.

Yoo should bee so hip, Cato.

Are yoo gonna stay wit mme f4or da whole PHIL THE STALKER LIVE SHOW or are yoo gonna punk out on mme like yoo did yesterday.

Like mmy last girlfriend.

Well, she wasn't a girl.

Butt tit was a relationship.

[Phil theStalker]

I know so mmany peeps I cun't rememba all their names.

I've bonded wit da gal who sells hotdogs on da street corner.

Tit's a phallic things.

Me and DAVE are CELEBUTARDS!

Dat's got t2o goo on a T-shirt.

Right along wit mmy ROGAN'S PENIS T-shirt.

aND da award gooes t2o...CELEBUTARDS!

[Phil theStalker]

Let's doo a show aboot STALKING.

Dis is gooing t2o bee a mmad dash f4or da WEEKCUNT STATE AFF MMIND.

Right here on da PHIL THE STALKER LIVE SHOW.

VEnillE FridEy

[Phil theStalker]

VEnillE FridEy

I thought wee were gooing t2o have guest dis week.

I got Twiggy da Skiing Squirrel comming on board.

Butt he says I've got t2o have sum peanuts and sum RED BULL sugar free in da studio.

Fak dat.

No fakking squirrel.

Who dooes he think he is a CELEBUTARD?

I'm not evun dooing da WEEATHER and TRAFFIC t2oday.

Dis Friday show is f4or MME.

Nexxt segment's t2opic: Why doo energy drinks mmake yoo crash?

[Golden AWe]

we have a special quest here too

a lonely boy from italy, JOHN HOLMES!!!

he's very shy but let's sing a song for him!

[Phil theStalker]

VEnillE FridEy

No squirrel. Let's look f4or love in all da wrong places sumwhere else.

flappo wood bee a grate host.

I'd fall asleep f4or lack aff company.

I wish yoo all could hear mme.

I sound like VINCENT PRICE, flappo says.

"let mme get yoo and mmy raven a drink"

Dis show is aboot as sexciting as a wrist wwatch cuntvention.

[Phil theStalker]

Originally posted by Golden AWe
we have a special quest here too

a lonely boy from italy, JOHN HOLMES!!!

he's very shy but let's sing a song for him!

Is he stalking yoo wit his big penis and his fat gut?

[Phil theStalker]

VEnillE FridEy

I was in Europe f4or da whole summer and I neva saw Golden AWe or flappo.

Butt flappo's sister who is proficient in da martial arts was in America.

She didn't want t2o see Boston were all da 'troubles' starTITed.

Tit's Friday...WOT EVA!

Alright, here wee goo agin.

I'm typing LIVE on da INTWATNET.

Tit's mmeant t2o cuntertain.

Tit doesn't matter anyway.

Tit's just werds I write.

[Phil theStalker]

VEnillE FridEy

Hey, PHIL THE STALKER just checking in.

Still aloof.

I think I broke a cuntmandment.

THOU T2OO ALOOF

Sumthing like dat.

Dis is like an Iraqi snuff video.

AFF WIT fLAPPO'S HEAD!

I'm t2oo hip.

I know I've done otha stuff. I'm COCK ROBIN, I'm da aluminum siding salesman, I can save yoo 60% aff yer nexxt meal.

Y'know when yoo've got yer own show tit's reely hard.

Yoo've got t2o hold da w-hole thing up.

I might as well have Janis Joplin as a co-host.

She'd bee just as lively.

[Phil theStalker]

VEnillE FridEy

Did I say I'm not doing and TRAFFIC?

I'm not.

Let's ask Golden AWe aboot da chick TRAFFIC outside aff his window.

And wot kinda name is Golden AWe?

I know aboot da poems yoo write and they are golden, butt where is da AWe?

This is PHIL THE STALKER in da mmorning.