EXCELLENT Van Velveeta article

[Va Beach VH Fan]

Now this is what I call fair and balanced journalism....

http://www.journalnow.com/servlet/Sa...75945807&path=!entertainment!music&s=1037645508978

Revamped Van Halen launching a U.S. tour
Thursday, June 10, 2004

By Ed Bumgardner

Winston-Salem Journal

What a tub of suds.

The saga of Van Halen, once one of rock's most inventive and entertaining bands, is about to take another weird turn.

And just when you thought it couldn't get any weirder.

To review.... There was the original band of Dutch/California cut-ups - guitar virtuoso Eddie Van Halen; brother Alex on drums; "Diamond" David Lee Roth on vocals, quips and showman sex appeal; and dunderhead bassist Michael Anthony, who ranks high among the Top Five Luckiest Musicians on Earth.

That version of the band ran from 1978 to 1985, firmly establishing the band as a hugely successful blend of an entertaining singer, a thundering drummer, an innovative and influential guitarist - and a bland bassist who was just glad to be there.

The hits were many: "Eruption/You Really Got Me." "And the Cradle Will Rock." "Dance the Night Away." "Hot for Teacher." "Panama." "Runnin' With the Devil." "So This Is Love?"

This list goes on. All the songs were structurally simple, sold by Eddie's dazzling solos, filled with two-handed tapping, and Roth's inspired shenanigans and witty patter.

The entire affair was over the top - way over the top. The kids loved it. The party band sold 22 million albums, give or take a million.

Then Eddie got married to actress Valerie Bertinelli. The wife didn't like Roth. Roth didn't like the wife.

Roth was fired. Sammy Hagar replaced him. The band had more hits, but the entire affair lacked the fire and fun of the previous incarnation.

The perpetually smirking Hagar was a much better singer than Roth, but his idea of showmanship was to vomit profanities on the crowd for hours on end.

Old fans began to refer to him as Hagar the Horrible. A line was drawn. There was Van Halen, then there was Van Hagar. Then there was Van Halen III. Hagar was fired and replaced by Gary Cherone, a Hagar imitator (ick) who was shoplifted from the band Extreme. Things went from bad to worse.

Cherone was fired and replaced, for at least a couple of days, by Roth. The fans were elated. Eddie's wife was not thrilled. Roth got the boot. The band had no singer.

The world waited for the inevitable, and to be honest, long overdue, Eddie Van Halen solo project.

It never came. Instead, Eddie had hip-replacement surgery, got divorced, battled oral cancer and generally stayed out of the limelight.

Alex sobered up. Roth's solo career, off to a blistering start, fizzled into embarrassment. Hagar created a line of premium tequila - Cabo Wabo, ranked among the best in the world - and released dreadful solo albums. Anthony got fat.

Now the silence is over. The band is touring again, kicking off a national tour at 7:30 p.m. Friday at Greensboro Coliseum. The singer is ... Sammy Hagar? It is a decision that, from a popular and financial stance, doesn't add up.

Then again, why is the band touring? There is no new album, but only the promise of a new single. The last new tracks that were known to be recorded featured Roth, not Hagar.

The answer is, of course, money - which is hardly a given with Hagar onboard. It has been 13 years since a credible studio album has been pried from the Van Halen camp. That's a long time.

The draw - Eddie Van Halen, without question, one of the greatest guitarists of the modern rock era.

It remains to be seen if a forgiving audience will be willing to pony up $57 to $87 to hear him play.

Roth was money in the bank. Hagar is a question mark.

To quote the great 1970s philosopher, Robert "Percy" Plant - "Does anybody remember laughter?"

Let's hope that if Van Halen fans are laughing that it will be for all the right reasons.

[Rikk]

Good article. The guy has his timeline a bit screwy. And Roth quit, he wasn't fired. And I'd argue that it's been 20 years since the band's last REAL studio album.

But still, it hit the nail on the head. What the hell is Sammy doing here?

[Rubnose]

Wow! This band will go down in history as one of the worst decision making bands in history.

I can't understand it all. These guys just blow it at every opportunity. They should collectively write a book called "How To Ruin Your Career".

"Money changes everything" - C. Lauper

[dysfunction]

Originally posted by Rikk
What the hell is Sammy doing here?

This:
"The tour, which kicks off Friday in Greensboro, N.C., has seen record sellouts. The Aug. 6-7 shows at the Mandalay Bay Events Center in Las Vegas sold out in 30 minutes -- the fastest sellout in the venue's five-year history."

[dysfunction]

Originally posted by Rubnose
Wow! This band will go down in history as one of the worst decision making bands in history.

The only bad decision they ever made was when they let Sammy go. Dave left on his own.

[guwapo_rocker]

Originally posted by dysfunction
This:
"The tour, which kicks off Friday in Greensboro, N.C., has seen record sellouts. The Aug. 6-7 shows at the Mandalay Bay Events Center in Las Vegas sold out in 30 minutes -- the fastest sellout in the venue's five-year history."

They only sold out because that white tiger bit Sigfried's
husbands head off. Now Hagr's the only show in town.

[Rikk]

Originally posted by dysfunction
The only bad decision they ever made was when they let Sammy go. Dave left on his own.

Hey, where'd you go? We miss you in the other thread.

What's the matter, punk? Were we too rough on you? Did we not leave you enough lunch money?

Crybaby.

[dysfunction]

Originally posted by Rikk
What's the matter, punk? Were we too rough on you? Did we not leave you enough lunch money?

You stopped arguing and were talking to the other guys fuckface. How the hell can I argue with you when you aren't listening?

[lms2]

Dave may not go down in history, but he will go down on your sister...
he he he he

lLoved the article, but can't say much for the author...seemed more opinion than fact. Love the picture with this article featuring Dave and not Spam.

[Mezro]

Originally posted by dysfunction
The only bad decision they ever made was when they let Sammy go. Dave left on his own.

Sammy left on his own too.

Mezro...sam also said he would never tour behind a greatest hits CD and would never return to VH without Roth...so much for credibility

[Rikk]

Originally posted by dysfunction
You stopped arguing and were talking to the other guys fuckface. How the hell can I argue with you when you aren't listening?

Dysfunction, I think you really chose the right name. It fits you. But still, you'll always be Town Idiot.

I'm sorry. I won't ignore you again, cunt. I promise. I will consistently point out what a fucking Town Idiot you are.

Anyway, on with the show. Any more stupid arguments by severely-lacking-in-testerone friend?

[moose]

Some facts to correct and.....

First off let me correct some of the facts...
Last great album VH released- 1984
Last great tour VH 1984
VAN HALEN 1 and 1984 alone sold over 22 million copies, throw in the rest of the six pack and you are somewhere in the 35 mill+(US figures alone)

Now for that stinky little PUKE dysillusional.....aside from selling those 2 shows out(60% of tickets gobbled up by Hotels/Casinos) where else have they sold out a show in NORTH AMERICA, not here in TORONTO,
not it GREENSBORO, come on little boy tell us where, we would like to know, give us the facts you little twerp, I'll be waiting......................for a long time to get an answer.
Go back to your links and chew your cud with the head sheep(BN)
and the rest of your KIN.