VAN HAGAR: Where will they be in one year?

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  • John Holmes

    VAN HAGAR: Where will they be in one year?

    EDDIE

    After his playing went so uninspired by booze and drugs that a karaoke playback of Ray Charles tunes with his coffin on stage might actually save your day, the tour crumbled miserably depriving Eddie of all the fame he enjoyed up then in the guitar and music world.

    Eddie, anyway, is still alive and kicking 2005, and found a new occupation in a Los Angeles suburb. Here is he, with his new tour bus, the "5150 Cart":



    AL

    And here is AL, reaping the fruits of his brother's job, as usual...



    SAMMY

    SAMMY died due to heart complications in early December 2004. Immediately somebody thought that Love broke his heart, as in his songs, but it was unlikely. Apparently, after blood analisys were made on his still warm corpse, the doctor was quoted saying "we found traces of blood in liquid fat".

    Anyway, Sammy before passing out gifted Rock n' Roll world of his son, "Mini-Me Hagar", who's getting ready to rock the world coming to a gas station's bar near you.




    MIKE

    After his lover's death ( Sammy passing out in Dec 2004 ), Mike went through a lenghty and tortuous period of depression, partying every McDonald's out into gaining weight to somehow fill Sammy's place in his heart. Here is Mike, pictured in his own redneck house, in overall, getting ready for another burger.



    Diamond Dave

    Diamond Dave, meanwhile, gets ready for another brilliant tour with his own band, as he's done succesfully in the past few years.

  • Rikk
    DIAMOND STATUS
    • Jan 2004
    • 16518

    #2
    LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Holmes strikes again. That was unbelievable!! Fucking hilarious...
    especially the 5150 cart and the bit about Mike's lover Sam. What a great picture of Mike!!
    Roth Army Militia

    Originally posted by WARF
    Rikk - The new school of the Roth Army... this dude leads the pack... three words... The Sheep Pen... this dude opened alot of doors for people during this new era... he's the best of the new school.

    Comment

    • JCOOK

      #3
      GREAT POST!!! PEOPLE IN MY OFFICE ARE ROLLING!

      Comment

      • BITEYOASS
        ROTH ARMY ELITE
        • Jan 2004
        • 6530

        #4
        Damn good one holmes!! :D

        Comment

        • Rikk
          DIAMOND STATUS
          • Jan 2004
          • 16518

          #5
          Just realized something...as funny as Holmes's post is, he has used real pictures of people from the Links to portray the bandmates in the future. I am afraid to point out that three of the pictures have been identified as pictures of actual Linkers.

          The first was easy for me to spot. Motion Blur resides in my province, Ontario, and I see him quite often on the streets of Ontario, humming THE INSIDE or MARCHING TO MARS. Very sad. Anyway, this is definitely a snapshot of Motion Blur.

          The third picture Holmes has posted (Sam) is actually Eddymon. Eddymon's ego has gotten smaller and smaller after being proven wrong so many times over the years that he has also shrunk physically as well. Eddymon, I feel for you. And don't worry...you won't die in December.

          The fourth picture is THE MARD. He's always been known to be fat, but this is insane. Anyway, this was originally the pic in his profile at the Links, but it was removed because it was considered obscene. Sorry, MARD.

          I still can't figure out the second photo. Anyone recognize which Linker that is?
          Roth Army Militia

          Originally posted by WARF
          Rikk - The new school of the Roth Army... this dude leads the pack... three words... The Sheep Pen... this dude opened alot of doors for people during this new era... he's the best of the new school.

          Comment

          • John Holmes

            #6
            Originally posted by Rikk
            Just realized something...as funny as Holmes's post is, he has used real pictures of people from the Links to portray the bandmates in the future. I am afraid to point out that three of the pictures have been identified as pictures of actual Linkers.

            The first was easy for me to spot. Motion Blur resides in my province, Ontario, and I see him quite often on the streets of Ontario, humming THE INSIDE or MARCHING TO MARS. Very sad. Anyway, this is definitely a snapshot of Motion Blur.

            The third picture Holmes has posted (Sam) is actually Eddymon. Eddymon's ego has gotten smaller and smaller after being proven wrong so many times over the years that he has also shrunk physically as well. Eddymon, I feel for you. And don't worry...you won't die in December.

            The fourth picture is THE MARD. He's always been known to be fat, but this is insane. Anyway, this was originally the pic in his profile at the Links, but it was removed because it was considered obscene. Sorry, MARD.

            I still can't figure out the second photo. Anyone recognize which Linker that is?
            I don't know these guys were Linkers, but it could be possible. Normal people often choose to look like their heros, and if your heros are Spammy and/or Van (S)Ha(me)gar, you best believe you are gonna end up looking like shit.

            Comment

            • L.S.D.

              #7
              Originally posted by John Holmes
              EDDIE

              After his playing went so uninspired by booze and drugs that a karaoke playback of Ray Charles tunes with his coffin on stage might actually save your day, the tour crumbled miserably depriving Eddie of all the fame he enjoyed up then in the guitar and music world.

              Eddie, anyway, is still alive and kicking 2005, and found a new occupation in a Los Angeles suburb. Here is he, with his new tour bus, the "5150 Cart":



              AL

              And here is AL, reaping the fruits of his brother's job, as usual...



              SAMMY

              SAMMY died due to heart complications in early December 2004. Immediately somebody thought that Love broke his heart, as in his songs, but it was unlikely. Apparently, after blood analisys were made on his still warm corpse, the doctor was quoted saying "we found traces of blood in liquid fat".

              Anyway, Sammy before passing out gifted Rock n' Roll world of his son, "Mini-Me Hagar", who's getting ready to rock the world coming to a gas station's bar near you.




              MIKE

              After his lover's death ( Sammy passing out in Dec 2004 ), Mike went through a lenghty and tortuous period of depression, partying every McDonald's out into gaining weight to somehow fill Sammy's place in his heart. Here is Mike, pictured in his own redneck house, in overall, getting ready for another burger.



              Diamond Dave

              Diamond Dave, meanwhile, gets ready for another brilliant tour with his own band, as he's done succesfully in the past few years.



              Hmmmmmmmmmm......another brilliant tour huh? Successfully huh? This is the shit that is just so fucked. Van Halen sell's 14,000 tix at an arena for $100 a seat, and Dave is the one who is going to be successful in a year? Like your screen name.....and your hero,,,things of the past. Van Hagar in a year will be releasing a new album.

              Comment

              • Big Troubles
                ROTH ARMY SUPREME
                • Feb 2004
                • 8517

                #8
                I gaurantee you they wont release an album after this tour. Sam will be history by fall.
                "FUCK YOU, YOU FUCKIN' BITCH! WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE ANYWAYS? TALK TO ME LIKE THAT? FUCK YOU. DRAG QUEEN LOOKIN' WHORE- YOU AINT SHIT. YOUR THE FRECKLE TO THE LEFT OF MY BROWN EYE. NOW GO MAKE YOURSELF USEFUL...OH, PUT DAD ON THE PHONE"

                Comment

                • L.S.D.

                  #9
                  Originally posted by Big Troubles
                  I gaurantee you they wont release an album after this tour. Sam will be history by fall.
                  Care to wager that?

                  Comment

                  • John Holmes

                    #10
                    Originally posted by L.S.D.
                    Hmmmmmmmmmm......another brilliant tour huh? Successfully huh? This is the shit that is just so fucked.


                    Exactly. Dave does his own thing, which is putting together a faithful *Van Halen* show without a washed up wino, a divorce-addicted bozo, a bass player who last played on a record 10 years ago, and a fatass who ridulizes himself singing banality with a screeching voice while in capri pants and sandals.

                    Van Halen sell's 14,000 tix at an arena for $100 a seat, and Dave is the one who is going to be successful in a year? Like your screen name.....and your hero,,,things of the past. Van Hagar in a year will be releasing a new album.
                    In a year VH will release a new album, and my German Sheppard dog will take a big dump in a couple of minutes. At least my dog doesn't need an year to release a steaming pile of feces.

                    And my screen name of the mighty Holmes being a thing of the past? Maybe, in the eighties though Holmes was still alive, with a 13 inches cock to fuck women with... At the same time, Spammy too had a 13 inches black cock, but shoved raw and straight up his fat ass...

                    Comment

                    • pete
                      Crazy Ass Mofo
                      • Jan 2004
                      • 3325

                      #11
                      Originally posted by L.S.D.
                      Care to wager that?
                      you'll welch.

                      Comment

                      • pete
                        Crazy Ass Mofo
                        • Jan 2004
                        • 3325

                        #12
                        Originally posted by L.S.D.
                        Hmmmmmmmmmm......another brilliant tour huh? Successfully huh? This is the shit that is just so fucked. Van Halen sell's 14,000 tix at an arena for $100 a seat, .
                        That's a lie!

                        Right up there with, "I'll send ya those bootlegs you paid me for."

                        or your stupid

                        come to think of it, you're both

                        a dumb, lying, piece of shit!

                        (who is gay, of course)

                        Comment

                        • guwapo_rocker

                          #13
                          Originally posted by pete
                          That's a lie!

                          Right up there with, "I'll send ya those bootlegs you paid me for."

                          or your stupid

                          come to think of it, you're both

                          a dumb, lying, piece of shit!

                          (who is gay, of course)
                          Get your $100 Van Halen Tickets right here Bwahahahahahaha!!!

                          Comment

                          • Bottoms Up
                            Full On Cocktard
                            • May 2004
                            • 38

                            #14
                            LOLOLOLOL.....Im pissed myself
                            ~Dance the Night Away~

                            Comment

                            • guwapo_rocker

                              #15
                              Originally posted by guwapo_rocker
                              Get your $100 Van Halen Tickets right here Bwahahahahahaha!!!

                              http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dl...2251069572&rd=1
                              The page is down now but the 100 level seats worth $216.00
                              sold for $4.08.

                              Comment

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