Edward Van Halen to Hold Press Conference

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  • ATOMICDIVERDOWN
    Roth Army Recruit
    • Aug 2007
    • 10

    Edward Van Halen to Hold Press Conference

    In early 2014, former guitar hero, Edward Van Halen will be holding a press conference live from 5150 Studios to announce "Frankenstein" his own brand of cheap, rot-gut wine. The conference guest list reads like a ransom note of Van Halen past, present and future (to be announced), and includes names like Dave, Wolfgang, Mikey, Gary, Charlie, Kenny, Valerie, Brian, Quincy, Alex, Sammy, Teddy T and even Pink. Nearly ten other has-beens are rumored to attend. Reports are also surfacing of a lawsuit between Mr. Van Halen and himself over the desired use of the patented striped design. Edward was quoted as saying "The homeless headgear bottle warmer whatever, was my second choice."




    Eddie Van Halen to Hold Press Conference


    Last edited by ELVIS; 04-02-2010, 10:07 AM.
  • Dan
    DIAMOND STATUS
    • Jan 2004
    • 12194

    #2
    Sounds Like Bullshit To Me.
    First Roth Army Kiwi To See Van Halen Live 6/16/2012 Phoenix Arizona.

    Comment

    • Guitar Shark
      ROTH ARMY SUPREME
      • Jan 2004
      • 7579

      #3
      This might possibly be the least inspired April Fool's joke ever.
      ROTH ARMY MILITIA


      Originally posted by EAT MY ASSHOLE
      Sharky sometimes needs things spelled out for him in explicit, specific detail. I used to think it was a lawyer thing, but over time it became more and more evident that he's merely someone's idiot twin.

      Comment

      • VAiN
        Use my hand, I won't look
        ROCKSTAR

        • Nov 2006
        • 5056

        #4
        Originally posted by Guitar Shark
        This might possibly be the least inspired April Fool's joke ever.
        Seriously... they really dug deep there. Yawn. The best joke ever would involve the original 4, a new album and a tour with tickets for under $100 a pop.
        Originally posted by wiseguy
        That shit will welcome you in the morning and pour the milk in your count chocula for ya.

        Comment

        • PETE'S BROTHER
          DIAMOND STATUS
          • Feb 2007
          • 12678

          #5
          Originally posted by ATOMICDIVERDOWN
          From Mr. Ego Van halen himself:

          On May 1, 2010, I will be holding a press conference from 5150 Studios to apologize. It will be live without a net, in front of the press, the media and the cameras. Sammy, Dave, Mikey (love the hot sauce!), Gary, Charlie Sheen, Kenny Chesney, my hip surgeon and cancer specialists, Valerie, Teddy T, Brian May, Quincy Jones, Michael Nimm (love the videos!), even Alex and Wolfie (love the name!) and a hundred others – they will all get what they have deserved from me for so long.

          Eddie Van Halen to Hold Apology Press Conference - in Metal News ( Metal Underground.com )

          I wrote in the commentary that I don't buy it for one second. He's pulling a Tiger Woods Mea Culpa so they could all go back on tour and pimp a new album.
          weak
          Another one of those classic genius posts, sure to generate responses. You log on the next day to see what your witty gem has produced to find no one gets it and 2 knotheads want to stick their dicks in it... Well played, sir!!

          Comment

          • tojoro
            Head Fluffer
            • Dec 2009
            • 299

            #6
            Fuck that, I already got hooked once today with the Kiss thread

            Comment

            • Diamondjimi
              DIAMOND STATUS
              • May 2004
              • 12086

              #7
              Ed's an unrepenting SOB. Haha April fools...
              Trolls take heed...LOG OUT & FUCK OFF!!!

              Comment

              • Panamark
                DIAMOND STATUS
                • Jan 2004
                • 17161

                #8
                (April Fools aside) that would be classic to see
                BABY PANA 2 IS Coming !! All across the land, let the love and beer flow !
                Love ya Mary Frances!

                Comment

                • Anonymous
                  Banned
                  • May 2004
                  • 12749

                  #9
                  April Fool's is getting more & more tiresome each year...

                  Every March 31st one is reminded that tomorrow all we'll read about or see on TV are lame jokes told by lame people who aren't the least bit funny but decide to TRY to be funny that one day of the year.

                  Of course, it falls flat.

                  And then there's the even lamer people who, year after year, fall for it. I guess some people never do learn from past mistakes.

                  I hate April Fool's. And always will, until I read/hear ONE, just ONE April Fool's joke that is actually funny.

                  I guess I'll always hate April Fool's...

                  Cheers! :bottle:

                  Comment

                  • Panamark
                    DIAMOND STATUS
                    • Jan 2004
                    • 17161

                    #10
                    IPL,

                    A fool that takes you for an idiot is
                    no drongo !!
                    BABY PANA 2 IS Coming !! All across the land, let the love and beer flow !
                    Love ya Mary Frances!

                    Comment

                    • Anonymous
                      Banned
                      • May 2004
                      • 12749

                      #11
                      Onya, mate.



                      Cheers! :bottle:

                      Comment

                      • DLR7884
                        ROCKSTAR

                        • Jan 2004
                        • 5895

                        #12
                        That would NEVER happen.

                        DLR7884
                        EVER.
                        Originally Posted by WARF:
                        DLR7884 - This guy is one bad ass sonafabitch... I've seen him destroy peoples posting careers in a single sentence.

                        Comment

                        • ELVIS
                          Banned
                          • Dec 2003
                          • 44120

                          #13
                          Much better...

                          Comment

                          • Anonymous
                            Banned
                            • May 2004
                            • 12749

                            #14
                            It actually is much better...

                            Nicely done, Big E.

                            Cheers! :bottle:

                            Comment

                            • ATOMICDIVERDOWN
                              Roth Army Recruit
                              • Aug 2007
                              • 10

                              #15
                              April Fools?

                              Originally posted by ELVIS
                              Much better...
                              While I found your edit of my original post, funny. I did not post it as an April Fools joke. I posted a link to where I read the article, and since that time the local classic rock stations have been buzzing about it.

                              Comment

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