Van Halen Sues John Kerry

[rustoffa]

Story found here

Los Angeles, CA (AP) - Lawyers of the hard rock band Van Halen have filed a suit in federal court to block the use of the song "Right Now" in John Kerry's political campaign.

The members of Van Halen are claiming $US 1 million dollars each time the song is played during Kerry's campaign stump. Van Halen wrote the haunting anthem in 1991 for its album F.U.C.K. (For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge).

It can be noted that Kerry is using the song "Right Now" during each of his campaign stops.

Van Halen, recently reunited with Sammy Hagar, 56, is currently on a reunion tour that has not quite sold out arena seats completely. Guitarist Eddie Van Halen has just recovered from tongue cancer and hip replacement surgery.

"We're really in it for the money," Van Halen said frankly, "and now this Kerry guy, who owns the ketchup farm, seems to be the ticket for us back. He owes us millions in back wages!"

"We really don't give a s . . t about our fans who've been waiting for us to reunite after 8 long years. We want the cash and we want it RIGHT NOW!" claims Hagar, while swigging some Geritol based tequila.

"At least Bush is going to pay for the use of one of our other songs," drummer Alex Van Halen says. "He's going to use the song 'Jump'."

As of the moment, Kerry was unavailable for comment.

[MikeVanHln]

Is that story from "The Onion?" Sounds like it to me...

[Katydid]

See there, after everyone downing Bush...He supports Van Halen. Dave was part of Jump so he'll get royalties everytime Bush uses it on his campaign.

Bush, a Christian stands for family values, anti abortion, anti gay marriages, anti terrorism.

Freedom from terrorism isn't free. We need to support our our troops over there doing their jobs.

Do you want to support Kerry, a person who backs those things and chance new curses and plagues coming down on our heads as a nation? Mark my words, a few will be the ruin of our country in God's eyes. Why not put those things to a vote of the people? People are standing up and saying, " What about what the majority of the people want? Satan is getting into our state and local gov. more and more every day. We are ceasing to be one nation under God. But a divided nation under atheist rule. Who oks sins against nature marriages (marriages which don't produce children).

[rustoffa]

Originally posted by MikeVanHln
Is that story from "The Onion?" Sounds like it to me...

Yeah, parody enriched. There's a link at the top if you'd like to
dig further. The constant highbrow comments from anywhere
are funny. Being a huge VAN HALEN fan for many years, It
warms my black heart to see stuff like this. I'm gonna keep
looking for that Paul Harvey commentary I heard the other day.
He was just dead-panning the whole thing.

[General Hina]

Originally posted by MikeVanHln
Is that story from "The Onion?" Sounds like it to me...

Are you kidding me?
Are you an idiot?
That sounds nothing like the Onion.
The Onion is funny that's just some lame crap rustoffa put together.

Over and Out,
General Hina

[FORD]

Considering Hagar is a fucking Busheep, this wouldn't surprise me at all.

[Panamark]

So will Van Hagar be liable for damages if he loses the campaign ?

[BigDaddyD]

Originally posted by Katydid
See there, after everyone downing Bush...He supports Van Halen. Dave was part of Jump so he'll get royalties everytime Bush uses it on his campaign.

Bush, a Christian stands for family values, anti abortion, anti gay marriages, anti terrorism.

Freedom from terrorism isn't free. We need to support our our troops over there doing their jobs.

Do you want to support Kerry, a person who backs those things and chance new curses and plagues coming down on our heads as a nation? Mark my words, a few will be the ruin of our country in God's eyes. Why not put those things to a vote of the people? People are standing up and saying, " What about what the majority of the people want? Satan is getting into our state and local gov. more and more every day. We are ceasing to be one nation under God. But a divided nation under atheist rule. Who oks sins against nature marriages (marriages which don't produce children).

You are fucking kidding me right?

[Warham]

Is this a Dave forum or a religious issues forum?

[rustoffa]

Originally posted by General Hina
Are you kidding me?
Are you an idiot?
That sounds nothing like the Onion.
The Onion is funny that's just some lame crap rustoffa put together.

Over and Out,
General Hina

LMAO! There was a link at the top bro, I didn't have any input.
Sometimes the Onion is funny...sometimes it's like the Soupy
Sales Show. Actually, when I saw the thing, I was like, "this is kinda
funny, but it ain't the Soupy fucking Sales Show".

I literally thought that! So then I'm like, "fuck it, I'll start a thread
with it anyway, cause my band's so hot I'm barefoot on the stage."

Ronnie Van Zandt notwithstanding, I'll take the reply 'cause it's
General Fucking Hina.

:D

[Seshmeister]

Originally posted by Katydid
See there, after everyone downing Bush...He supports Van Halen. Dave was part of Jump so he'll get royalties everytime Bush uses it on his campaign.

Bush, a Christian stands for family values, anti abortion, anti gay marriages, anti terrorism.

Freedom from terrorism isn't free. We need to support our our troops over there doing their jobs.

Do you want to support Kerry, a person who backs those things and chance new curses and plagues coming down on our heads as a nation? Mark my words, a few will be the ruin of our country in God's eyes. Why not put those things to a vote of the people? People are standing up and saying, " What about what the majority of the people want? Satan is getting into our state and local gov. more and more every day. We are ceasing to be one nation under God. But a divided nation under atheist rule. Who oks sins against nature marriages (marriages which don't produce children).

You are a fucking idiot.

The only thing that Roth and Bush have in common is they both used to have a huge cocaine habit...

Cheers!

[Keeyth]

The Bush campaign would be more accurate using the term "Diver Down... ...WAAAAYYY Down!!

[Satan]

Originally posted by Katydid
Satan is getting into our state and local gov. more and more every day.

Listen up, you looney tune delusional trailer trash whore, the only government I am concerned with, is the Imperial Throne of Hell, which of course, is mine. Down here, I AM the government. Up there, I couldn't give a steaming pile of dragonshit either way. Except in the case of Bush Jr. His father was a respectable vessel of evil, and did my bidding well. But Junior is far too stupid. And evil does not mix well with stupidity.