Van Halen Army Offers To Finish Tour...

[kwame k]

My best friend's roommate's brother's ex-girlfriend knows a guy who is friends with the clerk at the store where Edward Van Halen had his wine purchased in 2003. He knows a guy who is in a band with a guy who was a roadie on the most recent REO Speedwagon tour, so he's in the business. According to him EVH killed David Lee Roth and replaced him with the Canadian David Lee Roth. A tabloid has threatened to go public with this information, so Van Halen has agreed to not only cancel the rest of the tour but to bury the stage and lighting rigs in the Yucca Mountain facility and Photoshop Jackie Gleason into all the Van Halen album covers. Plus all copies of ADKOT are to be recalled, pulled from the shelf, and they are to pretend it never happened. This is reportedly because David Lee Roth has offended so many by so drastically changing his performance to one where he forgets lines, addresses the audience, and does not sing in a way that is indistinguishable from the studio recordings. Why all of a sudden after nearly forty years of performing he would spontaneously decide not to be 28 years old and change from a Pavarotti to a rock star is beyond anyone's grasp. Enough is enough and all fans of this band must be punished. Reportedly, congress has drawn up a bill banning the existence for Van Halen with David Lee Roth and that the United States be renamed Sambo Wabo. This is all I know.

[SNIPER]

My best friend's roommate's brother's ex-girlfriend knows a guy who is friends with the clerk at the store where Edward Van Halen had his wine purchased in 2003. He knows a guy who is in a band with a guy who was a roadie on the most recent REO Speedwagon tour, so he's in the business. According to him EVH killed David Lee Roth and replaced him with the Canadian David Lee Roth. A tabloid has threatened to go public with this information, so Van Halen has agreed to not only cancel the rest of the tour but to bury the stage and lighting rigs in the Yucca Mountain facility and Photoshop Jackie Gleason into all the Van Halen album covers. Plus all copies of ADKOT are to be recalled, pulled from the shelf, and they are to pretend it never happened. This is reportedly because David Lee Roth has offended so many by so drastically changing his performance to one where he forgets lines, addresses the audience, and does not sing in a way that is indistinguishable from the studio recordings. Why all of a sudden after nearly forty years of performing he would spontaneously decide not to be 28 years old and change from a Pavarotti to a rock star is beyond anyone's grasp. Enough is enough and all fans of this band must be punished. Reportedly, congress has drawn up a bill banning the existence for Van Halen with David Lee Roth and that the United States be renamed Sambo Wabo. This is all I know.

[Zing!]

so Van Halen has agreed to not only cancel the rest of the tour but to bury the stage and lighting rigs in the Yucca Mountain facility and Photoshop Jackie Gleason into all the Van Halen album covers..

That's some heavy shit man. Jackie Gleason was down with the need-to-know info. You just might be on to something.

Who's your sources - Rolling Stone or Eddie Trunk?

[Angel]

Haha...the Canadian DLR. Forgot about that dude

[GreenEyedMurder]

"burnt out" These guys look it! And they suck too. So FUCK YOU JOE!!

No. Just NO!

[fwacf]

Really??

[fourthcoming]

Sounds more like Paul Stanley before the surgery.

Haaaaa! Spot on Bro

[Cato]

Hummm......they seem to not know "vharmy.com" is one of the domains Sarge owns for this site.

[evil_lil]

Fucking sad these idiots get some exposure from this shit.

It might help them book a few more bowling alleys.

[Carmine]

My best friend's roommate's brother's ex-girlfriend knows a guy who is friends with the clerk at the store where Edward Van Halen had his wine purchased in 2003. He knows a guy who is in a band with a guy who was a roadie on the most recent REO Speedwagon tour, so he's in the business. According to him EVH killed David Lee Roth and replaced him with the Canadian David Lee Roth. A tabloid has threatened to go public with this information, so Van Halen has agreed to not only cancel the rest of the tour but to bury the stage and lighting rigs in the Yucca Mountain facility and Photoshop Jackie Gleason into all the Van Halen album covers. Plus all copies of ADKOT are to be recalled, pulled from the shelf, and they are to pretend it never happened. This is reportedly because David Lee Roth has offended so many by so drastically changing his performance to one where he forgets lines, addresses the audience, and does not sing in a way that is indistinguishable from the studio recordings. Why all of a sudden after nearly forty years of performing he would spontaneously decide not to be 28 years old and change from a Pavarotti to a rock star is beyond anyone's grasp. Enough is enough and all fans of this band must be punished. Reportedly, congress has drawn up a bill banning the existence for Van Halen with David Lee Roth and that the United States be renamed Sambo Wabo. This is all I know.

[katina]

Van Halen cover band???.....

[ZahZoo]

Those guys could suck start a Harley...

[Angel]

I won't even waste my time checking them out. I agree, it's sad they're getting the exposure out of this!

[evil_lil]

Those guys could suck start a Harley...

a Honda Goldwing maybe

[loucap81]

I don't know these cover bands do it. Meaning, I don't know how they can continue to play someone else's music and get any kind of satisfaction out of it. If I were in a band I'd want to be doing my own original material.