Wolfgang Van Halen sick of getting hit on by 45 year-olds

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  • Yount
    Commando
    • Jan 2012
    • 1099

    Wolfgang Van Halen sick of getting hit on by 45 year-olds

    haha



    SANTA MONICA (CAP) - Wolfgang Van Halen, the 21-year-old son of Eddie Van Halen and current bassist in his father's namesake band, has been traumatized by the advances of dozens of middle-age groupies during the band's U.S tour, he told Guitar World this month.

    "It would be one thing if they were, like, attractive, but none of them are even as hot as my mom," Wolfgang told the magazine. "And to be honest I just got a little nauseous just making that comparison."

    Paparazzi photos outside venues on Van Halen's current tour show large groups of women aged 40 to 55, many of them practically bursting from their leather pants and 1982 Van Halen Hide Your Sheep Tour t-shirts.

    "One old lady said I remember the day you were born! and then tried to stick her tongue in my mouth," recalled Wolfgang, visibly shaken. "I had to fight her off with my Fender."

    Among the aging groupies is New Jersey mother of three Barbara Linebach, 42, who's already attended four shows on this tour - two in New York plus one each in Philadelphia and Boston - wearing her recently purchased assless chaps.

    "I'll admit, I can't keep my hands off him," she said of Wolfgang when interviewed outside Van Halen's Boston Garden show in March, waiting for the band's arrival among hundreds of other assless-chapped middle-aged women.

    "He's so cute and pudgy - he reminds me of my favorite stock boy at Shop-Rite," Linebach said, "who I also can't keep my hands off ... Don't tell my husband. Woo-hoo, I'm drunk!"

    Not everyone shares Wolfgang Van Halen's disgust with the aging Van Halen fan base, however. "I keep telling the kid, poontang is poontang!" said lead singer David Lee Roth. "So said the sage, don't matter the age, poon's all the rage! Boze-de-boze-de-bop, city-bop!"

    "I have no idea what Dave is talking about half the time," admitted Wolfgang. "I'm pretty sure he's got early onset Alzheimer's."

    According to Guitar World, many of Van Halen's current crop of groupies have spent years eagerly waiting the current tour, in recent times being reduced to throwing themselves at air guitar players and being covered by Bono with authentic Russian shawls.

    "They're totally desperate - it's downright frightening," said Wolfgang, who acknowledged that Van Halen agreed to postpone 30 of its tour dates later this summer to give their young bassist a break from the middle-aged groupies' constant advances.

    "Well that, and because Dave and my dad keep trying to kill each other," he said.
  • ashstralia
    ROTH ARMY ELITE
    • Feb 2004
    • 6566

    #2
    funny at the 'chaser' level...

    but srsly dude, in main?

    we'll see how it flies.

    Comment

    • Yount
      Commando
      • Jan 2012
      • 1099

      #3
      Originally posted by ashstralia
      funny at the 'chaser' level...

      but srsly dude, in main?

      we'll see how it flies.
      So where does this stuff go?

      Comment

      • ashstralia
        ROTH ARMY ELITE
        • Feb 2004
        • 6566

        #4


        usually flushy. but you might get some bites tomorrow morning.

        Comment

        • Yount
          Commando
          • Jan 2012
          • 1099

          #5
          Ah I see. Serious articles in the main. This forum is set up like a newspaper in a way. No funnies until page 10. Cool.

          Comment

          • VHscraps
            Veteran
            • Jul 2009
            • 1874

            #6
            That got some belly-laughs from me. 'I have no idea what Dave is saying, I think he has early onset Alzheimer's'. Fckn hilarious. Can just imagine Wolf thinks Dave is from another damn planet.

            And the stuff about 50-something ladies in assless chaps. I've gotta say I was thinking - did someone make this stuff up.
            THINK LIKE THE WAVES

            Comment

            • So this is love
              Veteran
              • Jan 2012
              • 2394

              #7
              Originally posted by VHscraps
              That got some belly-laughs from me. 'I have no idea what Dave is saying, I think he has early onset Alzheimer's'. Fckn hilarious. Can just imagine Wolf thinks Dave is from another damn planet.

              And the stuff about 50-something ladies in assless chaps. I've gotta say I was thinking - did someone make this stuff up.
              Thought the same...must be hilarious...they should make this tour a reality show...
              Now who`s that babe with the fab-u-lous shad-ow?

              Comment

              • Seshmeister
                ROTH ARMY WEBMASTER

                • Oct 2003
                • 35754

                #8
                Originally posted by Yount
                Ah I see. Serious articles in the main. This forum is set up like a newspaper in a way. No funnies until page 10. Cool.
                I don't know if we are quite as structured as that but there is a danger half the people reading that article won't realize it's a spoof.

                Does that matter? I'm maybe not the best person to ask...

                Comment

                • ashstralia
                  ROTH ARMY ELITE
                  • Feb 2004
                  • 6566

                  #9
                  hehe, sesh said spoof.

                  Comment

                  • fraroc
                    Commando
                    • Jun 2012
                    • 1172

                    #10
                    Tell me this isn't real....
                    How do you spell pretentious? S-A-M-M-Y H-A-G-A-R

                    Comment

                    • ashstralia
                      ROTH ARMY ELITE
                      • Feb 2004
                      • 6566

                      #11
                      Originally posted by fraroc
                      Tell me this isn't real....
                      ok. it isn't real, dude!

                      Comment

                      • fraroc
                        Commando
                        • Jun 2012
                        • 1172

                        #12
                        Originally posted by ashstralia
                        ok. it isn't real, dude!
                        Good, I just got nervous for a second.
                        How do you spell pretentious? S-A-M-M-Y H-A-G-A-R

                        Comment

                        • DONNIEP
                          DIAMOND STATUS
                          • Mar 2004
                          • 13373

                          #13
                          This is too damn funny! We used to have some of these back in the day over at DDLR, funny stuff!
                          American by birth. Southern by the grace of God.

                          Comment

                          • envy_me
                            Swedish Love Pump
                            ROTH ARMY SUPREME
                            • Dec 2010
                            • 7180

                            #14
                            The Casanova has spoken. Hey Wolf, you are no Brigitte Bardot yourself. But I gotta give him some cred for having a good sense of humor.
                            If you come to Stockholm, Wolf, here is one lady who won't make a pass at you ;-)
                            The heart is on the left. The blood is red.

                            Comment

                            • envy_me
                              Swedish Love Pump
                              ROTH ARMY SUPREME
                              • Dec 2010
                              • 7180

                              #15
                              Damn it isn't real?? And i have already prepared a whole bunch of jokes...
                              The heart is on the left. The blood is red.

                              Comment

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