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Thursday, August 05, 2004
Copyright © Las Vegas Mercury
Off the Charts: Van Halen
The Roth-Hagar debate rages on
By Newt Briggs newtbriggs@lasvegasmercury.com
Just above the jiggling belly and shriveled liver of most diehard Van Halen fans is a small, empty heart shaped like David Lee Roth. Not that there was anything wrong with Sammy Hagar's workmanlike yowl, but Roth had the whole package: the swagger, the spandex, the unprecedented capacity for self-love. In concert, Roth soared above the crowd like the Bullwinkle balloon in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade; Hagar trudged along the ground with cinder blocks for shoes.
Or did he? Hagar certainly sold a lot of records--almost 50 million at last count--and everyone can agree that Hagar was far superior to Gary Cherone, the much-maligned vocalist at the helm of Van Halen III. Looking back, it seems like Roth, who has taken every opportunity--large or small--to dis Hagar, has had as much to do with Hagar's public esteem as Hagar himself. In fact, it got so bad when the pair co-headlined the "Sans Halen" tour in 2002 that Hagar told Pennsylvania's Times Leader, "[Roth] acts like he's the fucking guy, and I'm just a piece of shit. He's demanding to close shows and all that. I want to slap this guy back down. Before, I was like, `Dave's a good guy, and he deserves to be in the light,' but we got out there, and he's acting like he's a god and I'm the opening act."
(My ass he sold 50,000,000 records. G_R)
Since then, Hagar has toned down his rhetoric a bit, but he continues to assert that Van Hagar is every bit the band that Roth's Van Halen was. No doubt the issue will be clarified this weekend when Van Halen's Hagar-fronted reunion tour rolls into the Mandalay Bay Events Center. Then again, there's nothing like pitching two rabid egomaniacs into the ring and letting them duke it out.
The songs: Two of Roth's songs, "Runnin' with the Devil" and "Jump," are listed in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame's 500 most influential songs of all time. Hagar's "Right Now" was used as the commercial soundtrack for Crystal Pepsi. Advantage: Roth.
The hair: If you haven't seen Roth recently, you're probably unaware that his once-magnificent coiffure now looks a bit like the business end of a mop used on the cafeteria at a high-security correctional facility. Hagar, on the other hand, has cultivated a kinky white-man afro a la John Holmes--which, if not stellar, is at least passable as a rock star hairdo. As Hagar told the Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel, "I've got hair. Dave's hair isn't really hair. Up close, when I saw it, I was gagging. I was lucky to be born with a full head of hair." Advantage: Hagar.
(Looks like a fucking birds nest G_R)
The shape: Roth practices Kendo twice a week in a studio inside his house, so despite his advanced age and follicular difficulties, he can still do flying splits that put the Darkness' Justin Hawkins to shame. Hagar owns a tequila company, which basically means that he's fat and can only do what Salon.com described as "a series of oddly timed jumping jacks." Advantage: Roth.
The show: Chances are, if you're not a skinny girl with ample jubblies, Roth isn't going to look at you twice. The gregarious Hagar, however, seems to want to be everyone's friend. According to Chicago Sun-Times music critic Jim Derogatis, Hagar tried on "a construction helmet, a fire helmet, a Cubs cap and a Sox cap" thrown by fans at a recent show in Chicago. In St. Louis, says the Post-Dispatch's Daniel Durchholz, he swathed himself in "T-shirts, a feather boa, a lei and hometown sports jerseys." In most cases, he even signed them and threw them back. Advantage: Hagar.
(Nonsense, it's a show not an autograph session G_R)
The style: Three decades after his first appearance with Van Halen, Roth still favors spandex, which he fills out rather admirably. By comparison, Hagar wears Jams--not shorts that look like Jams but actual Jams from 1984. Advantage: Roth.
The verdict: Roth by a high kick and serviceable toupee: 3-2.
Copyright © Las Vegas Mercury
Off the Charts: Van Halen
The Roth-Hagar debate rages on
By Newt Briggs newtbriggs@lasvegasmercury.com
Just above the jiggling belly and shriveled liver of most diehard Van Halen fans is a small, empty heart shaped like David Lee Roth. Not that there was anything wrong with Sammy Hagar's workmanlike yowl, but Roth had the whole package: the swagger, the spandex, the unprecedented capacity for self-love. In concert, Roth soared above the crowd like the Bullwinkle balloon in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade; Hagar trudged along the ground with cinder blocks for shoes.
Or did he? Hagar certainly sold a lot of records--almost 50 million at last count--and everyone can agree that Hagar was far superior to Gary Cherone, the much-maligned vocalist at the helm of Van Halen III. Looking back, it seems like Roth, who has taken every opportunity--large or small--to dis Hagar, has had as much to do with Hagar's public esteem as Hagar himself. In fact, it got so bad when the pair co-headlined the "Sans Halen" tour in 2002 that Hagar told Pennsylvania's Times Leader, "[Roth] acts like he's the fucking guy, and I'm just a piece of shit. He's demanding to close shows and all that. I want to slap this guy back down. Before, I was like, `Dave's a good guy, and he deserves to be in the light,' but we got out there, and he's acting like he's a god and I'm the opening act."
(My ass he sold 50,000,000 records. G_R)
Since then, Hagar has toned down his rhetoric a bit, but he continues to assert that Van Hagar is every bit the band that Roth's Van Halen was. No doubt the issue will be clarified this weekend when Van Halen's Hagar-fronted reunion tour rolls into the Mandalay Bay Events Center. Then again, there's nothing like pitching two rabid egomaniacs into the ring and letting them duke it out.
The songs: Two of Roth's songs, "Runnin' with the Devil" and "Jump," are listed in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame's 500 most influential songs of all time. Hagar's "Right Now" was used as the commercial soundtrack for Crystal Pepsi. Advantage: Roth.
The hair: If you haven't seen Roth recently, you're probably unaware that his once-magnificent coiffure now looks a bit like the business end of a mop used on the cafeteria at a high-security correctional facility. Hagar, on the other hand, has cultivated a kinky white-man afro a la John Holmes--which, if not stellar, is at least passable as a rock star hairdo. As Hagar told the Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel, "I've got hair. Dave's hair isn't really hair. Up close, when I saw it, I was gagging. I was lucky to be born with a full head of hair." Advantage: Hagar.
(Looks like a fucking birds nest G_R)
The shape: Roth practices Kendo twice a week in a studio inside his house, so despite his advanced age and follicular difficulties, he can still do flying splits that put the Darkness' Justin Hawkins to shame. Hagar owns a tequila company, which basically means that he's fat and can only do what Salon.com described as "a series of oddly timed jumping jacks." Advantage: Roth.
The show: Chances are, if you're not a skinny girl with ample jubblies, Roth isn't going to look at you twice. The gregarious Hagar, however, seems to want to be everyone's friend. According to Chicago Sun-Times music critic Jim Derogatis, Hagar tried on "a construction helmet, a fire helmet, a Cubs cap and a Sox cap" thrown by fans at a recent show in Chicago. In St. Louis, says the Post-Dispatch's Daniel Durchholz, he swathed himself in "T-shirts, a feather boa, a lei and hometown sports jerseys." In most cases, he even signed them and threw them back. Advantage: Hagar.
(Nonsense, it's a show not an autograph session G_R)
The style: Three decades after his first appearance with Van Halen, Roth still favors spandex, which he fills out rather admirably. By comparison, Hagar wears Jams--not shorts that look like Jams but actual Jams from 1984. Advantage: Roth.
The verdict: Roth by a high kick and serviceable toupee: 3-2.
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