This Fuckin' Kid

[Rikk]

Watching him do an insipid finger tap run really brings to mind the Frank Sinatra Jr. effect that I once thought Wolf had the power to avoid. Sure, he loves to lambast those who he claims want to hear him only play the likes of Panama (are there really people out there yearning for this?) but even as he’s out “blazing his own trail” as his Dad would want, I feel he’s just yoking together hat tips to the old man, one after the other; from the stylistic mimicking, to using his original Frankenstrat, to using the Fair Warning mini-moog and whatever else 5150 has to offer, to calling his sophomore effort II. Sure he may not be playing Panama, but he’s out and about in the old man’s clothes, just as Frank Jr. was.

There's a clip of Frank Jr. saying he only sings "one Sinatra number" in his show.

And there wasn't one audience member thinking, "You know we're just here because your old man is Ol' Blue Eyes, right?"

[Rikk]

Sorry...just re-read that. I MEAN... There wasn't one audience member NOT thinking, "You know we're just here because your old man is Ol' Blue Eyes, right?"

Frank Jr. was a talented guy...but everyone was there because of his old man.

[Terry]

Watching him do an insipid finger tap run really brings to mind the Frank Sinatra Jr. effect that I once thought Wolf had the power to avoid. Sure, he loves to lambast those who he claims want to hear him only play the likes of Panama (are there really people out there yearning for this?) but even as he’s out “blazing his own trail” as his Dad would want, I feel he’s just yoking together hat tips to the old man, one after the other; from the stylistic mimicking, to using his original Frankenstrat, to using the Fair Warning mini-moog and whatever else 5150 has to offer, to calling his sophomore effort II. Sure he may not be playing Panama, but he’s out and about in the old man’s clothes, just as Frank Jr. was.

Even just strictly in terms of the gear...it's like, circa 1984 there was no shortage of various hard rock bands on MTV with either guitarists two-handed tapping a Charvel or a spandex-clad, blonde lead singer leaping from a drum riser. Eddie's style, technique and the like had been pretty well picked apart by the end of the 1980s. Like, by the time 1986 rolled around, even on a local level you couldn't go into a music store without hearing someone trying out a guitar doing the two-handed tapping technique followed by some fast trilling then a bunch of tremolo dive bombing. You'd go see a local rock band around that time and every guitarist had a flanger or a phase shifter along with a delay and a distortion pedal...Eddie had inspired thousands upon thousands, but from what I heard the inspiration didn't go much beyond most of them just trying to play like Eddie.

Flash-forward 15 years or so, you get your youtube and now you've got thousands upon thousands of bedroom shredders playing Eruption on official, authorized EVH signature guitars...like, somebody online tapping on a Franky replica circa 2005 didn't mean anything more to me than it had in 1987 when I saw somebody doing it live in a music store on a Kramer Pacer. The first time I ever saw and heard somebody (besides Eddie) doing the tapping thing WAS awesome; each time subsequent to that, less so. Thus, by the time I saw Eddie's kid doing it at that Taylor Hawkins tribute show, it was yawn-inducing. Mostly because by that point I had been seeing/hearing thousands of people other than Eddie Van Halen playing Eddie Van Halen licks for 35 years.

As to however many people out there would want to see and hear Wolfgang play Eddie's tunes, personally I'm with you in that I can't imagine anybody would want to see and hear that. Then again, I remember around the time of Live Aid 1985 where there were people hoping Julian Lennon would play some Beatles tunes onstage with McCartney, Harrison and Ringo: "man, just get Julian to play with Paul, George and Ringo and we'll all have our Beatles reunion we've been waiting for since 1970!"

[Rikk]

They really are "sheep"...

FORD's old term of "sheep" is being proven even more strongly when one looks at how they talk about Wolfgang.

The Wolfie simps are all wanting to live some sort of dream...to them, Eddie is still alive in his "genius" son.

His dad was hungry...and he just happened to be a guitar genius.

His son grew up in a giant mansion, everything he ever wanted handed to him. He was NEVER "hungry." (LOOK at him...Wolfgang eats when he's still full from his last meal.)

Wolfgang thinks: "I have a home studio. Almost every record that was recorded in this studio that my daddy gave me was financially successful." He figures, everything he records in 5150 is going to have that same measure of success.

Well...MAMMOTH WVH (the album) hit #12 on Billboard. (I remember thinking how weird it was that he put out his album so quickly after his dad died. No time of mourning. But I couldn't help but bring myself to believe that he was rushing out his album because the Van Halen name was really in the press again with his dad's death.)

THEN...MAMMOTH WVH II only peaks at #29 on Billboard. (The sympathy purchases were not out in droves this time. By the time of the second album, Wolfgang was also pissing off a good number of old school Van Halen fans. And people who bought the first album and didn't think it was anything special were NOT buying the 2nd album.)

If a band is truly great (MAMMOTH WVH in the studio is NOT a band...though at least the guy who recorded those two albums by himself weighs about as much as maybe three people), they hit higher and higher chart positions with each successive release.

The run of the albums MAMMOTH WVH and MAMMOTH WVH II has nothing in common with the run of the albums VAN HALEN and VAN HALEN II. The only growth in the MAMMOTH albums is the amount of fat on Wolfgang's body and the amount of grease in his hair and the shagginess of his beard.

Dom DeLuise has greater sex appeal than Wolfgang Van Halen.

Fucking John Denver was a much cooler "rock star" than Wolfgang Van Halen is (and John Denver wrote better songs).

Fucking O.J. Simpson has more likeability than Wolfgang Van Halen. (I'd be more likely to let Simpson babysit my kid...at least I could be sure that O.J. wouldn't eat her.)

Wolfgang Van Halen allegedly grew up listening to his dad's Dave-era records far more. It's sad that even Sammy's solo records are better than MAMMOTH WVH.

I love listening to the sheep talk about how "down to Earth" Wolfgang is in his interviews. Sorry, but often, "down to Earth" means boring.

Look at that woman who married Wolfgang. The idea that she married these three men because she fell for his looks and engaging personality is as believable as people taking shits in their bathrooms every day because they "can't wait for the smell."

Listening to his mom or all the simps cheering him on as "Wolfie" makes me wanna throw up. I'm sorry: I fucking refuse to refer to a man about to turn 33 as "Wolfie."

Even Dave referring to him as "the kid" is pretty ridiculous. In less than a decade, he'll be 40...and this "kid" currently has a weight that could match 8-10 children.

FUCK Wolfgang Van Halen. FUCK MAMMOTH WVH.

FUCK that fat fucking piece of shit who frequently makes shitty comments about Van Halen fans on Twitter, referring to Van Halen fans as "a crowd of twice-divorced 54 year old men." Isn't his mom TWICE-DIVORCED and wasn't his dad approaching that milestone when he passed away?

[Rikk]

Wolfgang tweeted this a week ago...

"Creed has graciously welcomed us on this upcoming tour with arms wide open so that we too may take you higher.
Are you ready? We are. Let’s go there."

https://twitter.com/WolfVanHalen/status/1754991039923032183

That's the fucking lamest fucking Tweet EVER.

Wolfgang's 1st album came out almost HALF A DECADE ago.

By the time his dad's 1st album was HALF A DECADE old, he was headlining his biggest-ever show at the US FESTIVAL for half a million people.

Here is Wolfgang...opening for fucking Creed. CREED!!!!!!!!!!!!

FUCKING pathetic.

P.S. The opening act for this summer's "Van Halen tribute" sham is fucking Loveboy.

LOVERBOY!!!! (When I was an eight-year-old, growing up in Toronto, my friends and I would be in the playground making fun of LOVERBOY!!!)

How the living fuck do the Sammy & Wolfgang sheep look at themselves in the mirror and not think they're fucking crazy???

[Terry]

Sorry...just re-read that. I MEAN... There wasn't one audience member NOT thinking, "You know we're just here because your old man is Ol' Blue Eyes, right?"

Frank Jr. was a talented guy...but everyone was there because of his old man.

I knew what you meant.

See, a lot of the ill-will is tethered to how Wolfgang has been handling himself publicly, specifically in terms of various social media outlets. Fighting with Van Halen fans online, comments he makes about other members of Van Halen in interviews, all that stuff. The net effect of all of that being it really doesn't cast Eddie's kid in a positive light, although in terms of the unwarranted arrogance on consistent display from Eddie's kid it is seemingly an accurate light re: what Eddie's kid thinks about himself, his abilities and as to if he got to where he is because he deserved to vs. being a nepo baby. There are plenty of non-famous nepo babies out there across a wide range of industries. Wolfgang just comes across as actually believing he got to where he is career-wise in spite of being Eddie Van Halen's kid rather than because of it. From where I sit, it's a bad look and a bad vibe to give off.

However, if I liked Eddie Van Halen's kids music, the fact that Eddie Van Halen's kid is an overindulged, spoiled brat wouldn't inhibit me from enjoying it in the least. Much in the same way that the fact Dave Grohl is universally acclaimed to be a nice guy...well, good for those who know him that he's a nice guy, I guess. To me, he's a supposed nice guy who makes boring music. The fact that Eddie and Sammy had a bromance going on didn't make Van Hagar music any more appealing to me. Unfortunately, Eddie Van Halen's kid is a pampered slob with a nasty personality and a very limited amount of musical talent, thus I'm not going to jizz my shorts just because he can finger tap like his father could. I can finger tap better than Eddie Van Halen's kid, and I don't need to be playing Eddie Van Halen's gear to do it.

[Terry]

Wolfgang tweeted this a week ago...

"Creed has graciously welcomed us on this upcoming tour with arms wide open so that we too may take you higher.
Are you ready? We are. Let’s go there."

https://twitter.com/WolfVanHalen/status/1754991039923032183

That's the fucking lamest fucking Tweet EVER.

Wolfgang's 1st album came out almost HALF A DECADE ago.

By the time his dad's 1st album was HALF A DECADE old, he was headlining his biggest-ever show at the US FESTIVAL for half a million people.

Here is Wolfgang...opening for fucking Creed. CREED!!!!!!!!!!!!

FUCKING pathetic.

P.S. The opening act for this summer's "Van Halen tribute" sham is fucking Loveboy.

LOVERBOY!!!! (When I was an eight-year-old, growing up in Toronto, my friends and I would be in the playground making fun of LOVERBOY!!!)

How the living fuck do the Sammy & Wolfgang sheep look at themselves in the mirror and not think they're fucking crazy???

Hey, hey, hey, hey...












...easy with the Loverboy-bashing...Lucky Ones is secretly my shit, yo!

[Rikk]

I knew what you meant.

See, a lot of the ill-will is tethered to how Wolfgang has been handling himself publicly, specifically in terms of various social media outlets. Fighting with Van Halen fans online, comments he makes about other members of Van Halen in interviews, all that stuff. The net effect of all of that being it really doesn't cast Eddie's kid in a positive light, although in terms of the unwarranted arrogance on consistent display from Eddie's kid it is seemingly an accurate light re: what Eddie's kid thinks about himself, his abilities and as to if he got to where he is because he deserved to vs. being a nepo baby. There are plenty of non-famous nepo babies out there across a wide range of industries. Wolfgang just comes across as actually believing he got to where he is career-wise in spite of being Eddie Van Halen's kid rather than because of it. From where I sit, it's a bad look and a bad vibe to give off.

However, if I liked Eddie Van Halen's kids music, the fact that Eddie Van Halen's kid is an overindulged, spoiled brat wouldn't inhibit me from enjoying it in the least. Much in the same way that the fact Dave Grohl is universally acclaimed to be a nice guy...well, good for those who know him that he's a nice guy, I guess. To me, he's a supposed nice guy who makes boring music. The fact that Eddie and Sammy had a bromance going on didn't make Van Hagar music any more appealing to me. Unfortunately, Eddie Van Halen's kid is a pampered slob with a nasty personality and a very limited amount of musical talent, thus I'm not going to jizz my shorts just because he can finger tap like his father could. I can finger tap better than Eddie Van Halen's kid, and I don't need to be playing Eddie Van Halen's gear to do it.

Exactly.

I've been doing my band for many, many years.

When my wife & I bought our house, one of my biggest WANTS (we looked at 30 houses in this nice town outside Chicago) was a finished basement in which I could put a home theater, a room for all my Star Wars shit (I'm a fucking geek), a place to put custom cabinets for all our Blu-Rays, 4Ks and DVDs...AND a home studio. And I built a nice one...even with a control room window, a vocal booth, etc. Didn't have to be a huge room...just a nice one with a good sound.

It's my hobby...writing and recording music. I sing & play drums. Two of my best friends play guitar. And over the years, I tried out SO MANY FUCKING GUITARISTS before I settled on the two buddies I have.

I wanted a guitarist (well, eventually it became two) who had nice gear, could play all sorts of different styles...and HAD THEIR OWN UNIQUE SOUND.

And I cannot tell you how many players we have auditioned over the years. We have auditioned SO MANY DIFFERENT PLAYERS. There are so many different players who put out ads, claiming they are great. And when you hear them play, when you jam with them...they have not done their homework.

But the number one thing so many players would do at auditions is they would play some meat 'n' potatoes chops for a little while...and then when it came time for a solo, they would do some sort of 2nd-rate version of the Eddie-influenced finger-tap. And then they would look at you...God, that LOOK...LOOK at me, I can play like Eddie Van Halen.

And very quickly, they would be shown the door.

Being a great musician is not learning the most-frequently-copied chop of a musician who changed the face of music.

Being a great musician is finding your own style that is very appealing, developing that style so that you can introduce your sound into all sorts of kinds of music...being personally identifiable.

I never played music so that I could become a "rock star." I play music because it makes me happy...it's how I express myself artistically. I have a family and a life outside of it.

But if I'm going to play music, I want to play with cats who have more interest in music than just doing a good copy of the finger-tap.

[Rikk]

...easy with the Loverboy-bashing...Lucky Ones is secretly my shit, yo!

Apologies.

If you like Loverboy, I send no ill-will.

I like Whitesnake. And I'm not ashamed of it.

I like Montrose. And people can attack me all they want. But that first Montrose album is pretty awesome (better than anything Van Hagar ever did).

BUT...if you're Sammy Hagar, this supposed HUGE rock star, and the opening act for your "reunion tour tribute" thingy is Loverboy...that's pretty sad.

[Warham]

I don’t get too worked up about what Wolfgang says. But he is trying to have his cake and eat it too, which is bad considering he could lose a few pounds.

[Jérôme Frenchise]

Quite a few.

[Von Halen]

I don’t get too worked up about what Wolfgang says.

Well, you should. This fat fuck is disparaging you as a CVH fan. He is trying to use you, while at the same time sticking a knife in your back. He is causing music that you love, to not be heard. He more than likely will keep you from ever hearing or seeing stuff that if released, would absolutely fucking BURY his garbage in both sales and views. You are part of the problem with this fat fuck. You give him a free pass because of his last name. He needs to be revolted against.

[Von Halen]

I hate this fat fucking Valerie Jr. piece of shit more than I hate Sammy Clichegar. By a lot.

There. I fucking said it.

[Warham]

Von, I don’t really care what’s in the vaults. If it was good enough to be released, it would already be out there. We don’t need to hear the snippets they were working on for their second album with Cherone.

[Warham]

I’m frankly more interested in what Dave has in his vault than what’s in 5150.