This Fuckin' Kid

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  • Rikk
    DIAMOND STATUS
    • Jan 2004
    • 16518

    Originally posted by Von Halen
    It's going to be so great when this dude sickens of her shit too. We should do an over/under on how long it lasts.
    Great idea!!

    WHICH will happen first?

    1) Will Valerie Bertinelli's new "man" leave her when he finds out she's a bossy & crazy fucking bitch with an unhealthy relationship with her 600 lb. son?

    OR:

    2) Will WolfGangrene, realizing that his "career" his going nowhere, start playing Van Halen songs to appease all these Van Halen fans he thinks are "54-year-old twice-divorced men"?

    Seriously...WHICH will happen first?
    Roth Army Militia

    Originally posted by WARF
    Rikk - The new school of the Roth Army... this dude leads the pack... three words... The Sheep Pen... this dude opened alot of doors for people during this new era... he's the best of the new school.

    Comment

    • Rikk
      DIAMOND STATUS
      • Jan 2004
      • 16518

      Originally posted by Von Halen
      She was fired because she's a weird cunt. She probably couldn't control her big fucking mouth, so they fired her ass.
      I just got the news release:

      -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

      VALERIE BERTINELLI FIRED FROM FOOD NETWORK'S ‘KIDS BAKING CHAMPIONSHIP’ BECAUSE SHE'S A "WEIRD CUNT"
      ...Show's producers decided to axe her from the network because she "couldn't control her big fucking mouth, so we fired her ass..."


      News broke in January that the Food Network had decided not to renew longtime 'Kids Baking Championship' host Valerie Bertinelli.

      "Her deal expired, they opted not to renew it. They could have come to me with an offer just for her other show 'Kids.' They never did. Simple as that,"
      Bertinelli’s longtime manager Marc Schwartz told Sheep Pen News Network Tuesday.

      Variety has reported that the Food Network opted not to renew Bertinelli’s overall deal amid budget cuts and mass layoffs across Warner Bros. Discovery in
      its post-merger consolidation.

      Representatives for the Food Network, however, say it wasn't just a matter of not wanting to extend her contract over dollars. Crew members and a higher-up
      executive who wished to rename nameless (but would confirm that he is a David Lee Roth fan) told Sheep Pen News Network: "Bertinelli is a weird cunt. We
      have a show to film, but this bitch spends 75% of her time gushing about her hugely-fat son. I cannot tell you how many tapings we had to put on hold while
      this crazy bitch would have all the staff gather around so that she could play them the latest awful song by her offspring (Wolfgang Van Halen)."

      One of the key grips who has worked on the show since 2015 agrees: "There were times the kids would be in the middle of a huge baking challenge. The
      clock was ticking. And Valerie would eat up their baking time by having them all 'take a break' so that they would have to listen to wanky guitar piece by her
      overweight fuck trophy. Last season, a really sweet young girl who was worrying about burning her upside-down cake (because the children weren't allowed
      to take anything out of the oven while being forced to listen to this...uh...music) asked Valerie if she could go back to her baking station to take her cake
      out. And Valerie's face got all red. She started screaming at the kid! Sure enough, even though that kid's cake turned out to be the best cake that week,
      Bertinelli made sure that she and (co-host) Duff Goldman voted that kid out. 'Anyone else want to question my son's talent?' she was heard screaming at
      the children, who were already crying because they couldn't take listening to music this horrible, day after day."

      Another Food Network executive told Sheep Pen News Network: "The kids were afraid of her. She was always telling them to indulge themselves more
      and stated that her son, 'Wolfie', never had a lack of appetite. She certainly wasn't afraid of indulging herself on our show. Normally, the hosts are
      just supposed to taste the baked offerings, but Val would eat everything that was put in front of her. She even screamed at one child, to the point of
      the child hyperventilating, that FOUR servings of donuts are simply 'not enough for a growing woman like me!!' Everyone was afraid of her."

      At the end of the day (a Food Network Vice-President said on the record): "We couldn't control her big fucking mouth, so we fired her ass. Thank Christ. Now
      the kids can just concentrate on baking! And we won't have to hear any more of her lardass fucking son's shitty music. And hopefully, no more kids will be
      leaving the set crying."

      Bertinelli’s longtime manager Marc Schwartz had no comment concerning these latest allegations.


      -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
      Roth Army Militia

      Originally posted by WARF
      Rikk - The new school of the Roth Army... this dude leads the pack... three words... The Sheep Pen... this dude opened alot of doors for people during this new era... he's the best of the new school.

      Comment

      • ZahZoo
        ROTH ARMY WEBMASTER

        • Jan 2004
        • 8979

        Well played, Rikk...
        "If you want to be a monk... you gotta cook a lot of rice...”

        Comment

        • Rikk
          DIAMOND STATUS
          • Jan 2004
          • 16518

          Originally posted by ZahZoo
          Well played, Rikk...
          Much-obliged, ZZ.

          When Von wrote that straight-forward, awesome comment about Val being a weird cunt who couldn't control her fucking mouth, I started laughing so hard...I thought: "This needs a press release."

          And I'm a writer, basically. Every job I've ever had (I've been a teacher the last decades), I've always tried to find some opportunity to write.

          That's why my posts are so long!
          Roth Army Militia

          Originally posted by WARF
          Rikk - The new school of the Roth Army... this dude leads the pack... three words... The Sheep Pen... this dude opened alot of doors for people during this new era... he's the best of the new school.

          Comment

          • Seshmeister
            ROTH ARMY WEBMASTER

            • Oct 2003
            • 35223

            The only thing that I can think of that Valerie Bertinelli has achieved in her life is making us all think that maybe Yoko Ono was unfairly treated.

            Comment

            • Nitro Express
              DIAMOND STATUS
              • Aug 2004
              • 32798

              Oh Miss Barnara Cooper did have a pretty good meltdown on Instagram over her Food Network firing.
              No! You can't have the keys to the wine cellar!

              Comment

              • Rikk
                DIAMOND STATUS
                • Jan 2004
                • 16518

                Originally posted by Seshmeister
                The only thing that I can think of that Valerie Bertinelli has achieved in her life is making us all think that maybe Yoko Ono was unfairly treated.


                Truth is, I actually have no problem with Yoko.

                I think it's bullshit that she broke up The Beatles. John did that. And there's no doubting that she loved John. AND...when John was murdered, you can tell she was truly devastated. Her life was just destroyed.

                She's no fucking Courtney Love (after watching the SOAKED IN BLEACH documentary, I am 100% convinced that Courtney had Kurt killed...it's no wacko theory...watch the doc...the evidence is recorded and startling).

                Kurt died 30 years ago today, by the way.

                As for Bertinelli, she has (unlike Yoko) used the past 3 years to capitalize on his death every chance she can. And she (and her 700 lb. son) have used the opportunity to promote his music as FAST as they could. I mean, Jesus, the kid released that shitty DISTANCE song (with the video, which I, admittedly, enjoyed) within WEEKS of his dad dying. You can just hear Valerie and the fucking uncle (Bertinelli) whispering in his ear: "Release the song NOW with footage of your dad. Take advantage of all the press your dad is getting." Fucking ghouls.
                Roth Army Militia

                Originally posted by WARF
                Rikk - The new school of the Roth Army... this dude leads the pack... three words... The Sheep Pen... this dude opened alot of doors for people during this new era... he's the best of the new school.

                Comment

                • Nitro Express
                  DIAMOND STATUS
                  • Aug 2004
                  • 32798

                  Originally posted by Von Halen
                  It's going to be so great when this dude sickens of her shit too. We should do an over/under on how long it lasts.
                  Adam West (Batman) lived just down the river from my parents house. He liked to fly fish. I ended up fly fishing with him one evening and we are shooting the shit and he told me never marry an actress. He had one put him through hell. He could tell some great stories about Hollywood. He sad everyone was screwing everyone and giving each other the clap. He said the place would have imploded if it weren’t for penicillin.
                  No! You can't have the keys to the wine cellar!

                  Comment

                  • Nitro Express
                    DIAMOND STATUS
                    • Aug 2004
                    • 32798

                    I’m glad Alex is coming out with his book. That will be a dignified tribute to Ed. Sam and Valerie are driving me nuts. Val is acting like the divorce never happened and Jani never existed. As far as Wolf getting busy with Mammoth right after his dad’s death I’m not knocking him. It was good for him to get busy with something but if his uncle Patrick and mom were pushing him to take advantage of the timing that’s another story. Val is as bad as Sam in cashing in on Ed’s death. If Ed was married to someone like Jani to begin with Ed might still be here. Anyways I appreciate Dave saying Val raked Ed over the coals and Jani really helped the man. Anyways Val creeps me out.
                    No! You can't have the keys to the wine cellar!

                    Comment

                    • Terry
                      TOASTMASTER GENERAL
                      • Jan 2004
                      • 11968

                      Originally posted by Rikk


                      Truth is, I actually have no problem with Yoko.

                      I think it's bullshit that she broke up The Beatles. John did that. And there's no doubting that she loved John. AND...when John was murdered, you can tell she was truly devastated. Her life was just destroyed.

                      She's no fucking Courtney Love (after watching the SOAKED IN BLEACH documentary, I am 100% convinced that Courtney had Kurt killed...it's no wacko theory...watch the doc...the evidence is recorded and startling).

                      Kurt died 30 years ago today, by the way.

                      As for Bertinelli, she has (unlike Yoko) used the past 3 years to capitalize on his death every chance she can. And she (and her 700 lb. son) have used the opportunity to promote his music as FAST as they could. I mean, Jesus, the kid released that shitty DISTANCE song (with the video, which I, admittedly, enjoyed) within WEEKS of his dad dying. You can just hear Valerie and the fucking uncle (Bertinelli) whispering in his ear: "Release the song NOW with footage of your dad. Take advantage of all the press your dad is getting." Fucking ghouls.
                      That Soaked In Bleach 'documentary' was horseshit, although Cyril Wecht has never met a 'conspiracy' he both didn't like and wasn't willing to attach his name to if the price was right. I wasn't the least surprised when Cobain killed himself. That guy was a suicide waiting to happen.

                      I never had a problem with Yoko, either. Which isn't to say I didn't think she wasn't a bit cunning in terms of going after Lennon in part because he was a Beatle. However, Lennon was a grown man when he met her. Yoko got a lot of shit when The Beatles split up. Probably easier for all the teenyboppers in the early 1960's who were hitting their twenties as 1970 rolled around to blame Yoko than it was to blame The Beatles themselves for the split.

                      I never thought Eddie and Valerie was a sort of union of equality in terms of talent in their respective fields. Valerie was a cute actress in her late teens who wasn't even the star of the sitcom that made her famous. After that sitcom ended, far as I could see she went on to an undistinguished career of forgettable made-for-tv movies (I've got more than a few made-for-tv movies in my physical media collection thus I have nothing against the milieu, but Bertinelli wasn't even in any memorable ones...not even any memorably bad ones) and as of late a bunch of tv cooking shows. When I think of Bertinelli, I think of someone who bombards supermarket tabloid publications with stories of her life: Bertinelli gets her $50k a pop from US Weekly or whoever. Famous for being famous.
                      Scramby eggs and bacon.

                      Comment

                      • DLR Bridge
                        ROCKSTAR

                        • Mar 2011
                        • 5470

                        I don’t think Yoko broke up the Beatles. I do however think she used power, influence, connections and whatever to malign Julian’s career. There’s an interview with him from about 15 years ago (I’ll have to find it) where he discusses being told by agents and people in the music industry what shenanigans were going on order to place more emphasis on Sean’s budding career while ostensibly, burying Julian’s.

                        Comment

                        • ZahZoo
                          ROTH ARMY WEBMASTER

                          • Jan 2004
                          • 8979

                          Y'all are starting to sound like some sappy fucking morning talk/gossip show in this thread... come on fellas... grow a pair and move on!
                          "If you want to be a monk... you gotta cook a lot of rice...”

                          Comment

                          • Rikk
                            DIAMOND STATUS
                            • Jan 2004
                            • 16518

                            Originally posted by ZahZoo
                            Y'all are starting to sound like some sappy fucking morning talk/gossip show in this thread... come on fellas... grow a pair and move on!
                            Oh, ZZ...you're hurting my womanhood!!

                            This hurts. I need to make an appointment to get my nails done...then, I deserve a treat! I'm going for a spa day with the girls , followed by an appointment to get (what's left of) my hair done.

                            When I'm done with that, I'm going home to eat bonbons while binge-watching The View and a few episodes of The Real Housewives of The Sheep Pen.

                            This hurts, ZZ. This really hurts. (Can't you just throw a "You go, girl" at me to cheer me up? I'm PMS'ing!!)

                            Roth Army Militia

                            Originally posted by WARF
                            Rikk - The new school of the Roth Army... this dude leads the pack... three words... The Sheep Pen... this dude opened alot of doors for people during this new era... he's the best of the new school.

                            Comment

                            • Seshmeister
                              ROTH ARMY WEBMASTER

                              • Oct 2003
                              • 35223

                              Originally posted by Rikk


                              Kurt died 30 years ago today, by the way.
                              Within weeks of Justin Beiber being born - coincidence? I don't think so.

                              Comment

                              • Rikk
                                DIAMOND STATUS
                                • Jan 2004
                                • 16518

                                Originally posted by Seshmeister
                                Within weeks of Justin Beiber being born - coincidence? I don't think so.
                                I wish I could make both events not happen: no Bieber birth, no Cobain death.
                                Roth Army Militia

                                Originally posted by WARF
                                Rikk - The new school of the Roth Army... this dude leads the pack... three words... The Sheep Pen... this dude opened alot of doors for people during this new era... he's the best of the new school.

                                Comment

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